[ANON IN EQUESTRIA] Queen Sombra


                                            Originally uploaded to Pastebin: January 18th, 2015

                                            ---


                                            Wrote this for a thread centred around a female version of King Sombra.

                                            It's not exactly Rule 63, but more of a spin on the canon depiction of Sombra.


                                            Hope you enjoy it, it was fun to write.


                                            ---


                                            "You're sending me to do what?"

                                            >Celestia nods solemnly.

                                            >"This is a grave task that only you can accomplish. Right, Luna?"

                                            >Luna lets out a disinterested "uh huh" and continues openly flipping through her porn magazine.

                                            "Yeah, but, assassination?"

                                            >"Come on, it'll be easy, Sombra's a pussy anyway."

                                            >Luna nods.

                                            >"Verily, he art a sizable vagina."

                                            "B-but I'm an ambassador, not an assassin! Hell, I'm not even an ambassador, you just pay me to represent my people!"

                                            >Celestia jabs you in the shoulder.

                                            >"Don't be a wuss, Anon. You're just going to the Crystal Empire, pretending to be his friend or ally or whatever, then sticking a dagger in his belly. What's hard about that?"

                                            "Well killing someone, for starters, second, what did he do to deserve it?"

                                            >"He owes me money, and also he stole the Empire away from Cadence or something. But mostly he owes me money."

                                            "Christ, well when do I start?"

                                            >"Right now! Come along, game faces on, this'll be a quick adventure."

                                            "When can I expect to be back?"

                                            >"I dunno, train ride is like a day, then you can spend four hours or whatever getting close to Sombra, then you shank the fucker and be back home for Wednesday."

                                            >Luna grunts.

                                            >"Be sure to kick him in the balls once you're through."

                                            >She blinks a few times.

                                            >"Uhh, verily."

                                            >Celestia nods sagely.

                                            >"The ball kicking is important."

                                            "...Why?"

                                            >"It's a symbol of Equestrian might. We kick all our enemies in the balls."

                                            "That seems juvenile."

                                            >"And yet I'm the immortal sun goddess with a nation under her hoof, what have you accomplished lately?"

                                            >Luna snorts.

                                            >"Being a dork."

                                            >Celestia guffaws at this and hoofbumps her sister.

                                            >"Alright, Anon, let's get you to the train station."

                                            "W-wait, aren't I allowed to take anything?"

                                            >"Nope. No time, Equestria hangs in the balance or something to that effect."

                                            >She starts pushing you out the room.

                                            "Can't I at least take my tooth brush?!"

                                            >"I'm sure you'll look super imposing showing up to the Crystal Empire clutching nothing but a toothbrush. NOW GO!"


                                            >Huff to yourself as you watch the snowy landscape zip by past your carriage window.

                                            >The train is deserted apart from you.

                                            >You think the conductor might even have hopped off.

                                            >Craning your neck, you look into the driver's cabin.

                                            >A 'be right back' note is taped to the controls.

                                            >Sigh.

                                            >Maybe this won't be so bad.

                                            >You're only going to kill a tyrant.

                                            >With absolutely no formal training, experience or even motivation to do so.

                                            >You can pretty much expect to die here.

                                            >Didn't even get to say goodbye to your favourite pony.

                                            >Pony Joe.

                                            >You see a large gleaming spire rise over the horizon.

                                            >That must be the empire.

                                            >You've never been before, but you've heard tales of how nice it is this time of year.

                                            >Take another quick glance at the frozen desolation around you.

                                            >Yup, sure is lovely.

                                            >The train pulls into the station and you stand up, rubbing your eyes and preparing to meet your death.

                                            >Hey, maybe Sombra will go easy on you.

                                            >Perhaps you can appeal to his good nature.

                                            >If he even has one.

                                            >You pull a picture out of your pocket and unfold it.

                                            >A jet black, red horned, psychotic-looking unicorn in a regal gown cackles whilst lightning strikes around him.

                                            >Would he like sports? He looks like he might like sports.

                                            >Step off the train as it comes to a stop.

                                            >Around you you're surrounded by hundreds of... absolutely nothing.

                                            >The platform is dead.

                                            >You can't even hear the wind.

                                            >Looking around, you see that there's a sort of artificial eco-sphere set up around the empire, because everything is lush, green, and warm.

                                            >Frowning, you scratch your face and head towards the exit.

                                            >There has to be someone around here.

                                            >Yet as you reach the streets of the Crystal Empire, nothing changes.

                                            >You peer through various windows, but see no cowering citizens like you expected.

                                            >It seems as though the whole empire is a ghost town.

                                            >Spooky.

                                            >Push on towards the massive spire that towers above the houses.

                                            >If you weren't here to perform an execution, you might find this quite nice.

                                            >Stand beneath the spire and glance around.

                                            >You see an entrance snaking up to the spire, but there's no one guarding it.

                                            >Shrug and let yourself in.

                                            >The whole situation is so surreal that you ask out of instinct:

                                            "Hello? Anyone home? Your front door was unlocked!"

                                            >Your voice echoes back at you.

                                            >Pick a random direction and start walking.

                                            >An evil tyrant would probably hang out in the throne room, right?

                                            >Stick your hands in your pockets and whistle as you walk.

                                            >Admire the architecture.

                                            >Everything is made of crystal.

                                            >Even the flowers.

                                            >You pass into a large hallway, and a pair of great double doors lie at the end.

                                            >They're slightly open.

                                            >Briskly walk over and poke your head through the door to see--

                                            >"HEY!"

                                            "OHGOD."

                                            >Leap backwards, tripping over yourself as you do so.

                                            >You fall to the floor, banging your back hard against the crystalline surface.

                                            >There's no time to rest, however, as King Sombra herself is immediately all over you.

                                            >"Who are you?! How did you get in? Who sent you? Are you hurt? Why are you so weird looking?"

                                            >You bat your hands at her and try to fend her off.

                                            >Yet as your hands push at her fluffy chest and force the overbearing unicorn away from you, you pause.

                                            >Sombra glares at you, her eyes filled with cautious anticipation.

                                            >Slowly, you reach into your pocket and retrieve your picture.

                                            >Unfold it and compare it to the mare before you.

                                            >Same colour scheme, same red horn, same clothing, same look of extreme mania.

                                            >But...

                                            "Wait, you're a mare?"

                                            >Sombra stares at you, then gives an indignant huff.

                                            >"Of course I'm a mare! I'm Queen Sombra! Terror of the Crystal Empire!"

                                            "...Oh."

                                            >The queen's eyes narrow.

                                            >"What, you were expecting something more? Am I not scary enough for you?"

                                            "No no, it's not that, I just, uhh, I was told you were a stallion."

                                            >"By who? It wasn't Celestia was it? Are you an assassin here to kill me?!"

                                            >She presses her face close to you, so that her nose is touching yours.

                                            >Her scrunched face and glare are enough to shut you up.

                                            "N-No! I'm here to... visit?"

                                            >Sombra eyes you for a second.

                                            >"Visit."

                                            "Yes."

                                            >"From where?"

                                            "Canterlot?"

                                            >"So Celestia -did- send you to kill me?"

                                            "No, I'm just, uhh, President of the Sombra Fanclub."

                                            >What the fuck are you talking about.

                                            >Sombra blinks a few times, then smirks.

                                            >"The president of my own fanclub doesn't know what gender I am?"

                                            "W-well to be fair, you don't exactly show up much."

                                            >"No, I don't."

                                            >She fixes her mane with a hoof.

                                            >"I'm far too busy to attend such trivial things, but I appreciate the time you took to visit me."

                                            >She puts on a haughty expression.

                                            >"Tell me, how many legions of fans do I have in Canterlot?"

                                            "Oh. Um, well it's just ahh, me."

                                            >...

                                            >Sombra looks crestfallen.

                                            "But I'm looking for new members!"

                                            >She deflates somewhat.

                                            >"Right, yes, of course."

                                            >The queen fixes you with her unsettlingly intense gaze again.

                                            >"I suppose I should be a gracious host and show you around."

                                            "Wouldn't the queen have a servant to do th--"

                                            >You shut your mouth quickly.

                                            >Sombra glares at you.

                                            >"Yes. Well. All my servants are busy with important royal matters at the moment."

                                            >In the silence that follows, you realise just how quiet the palace really is.

                                            >It truly is completely deserted save for Sombra.

                                            >You stand up and look down at the queen.

                                            >She seems perturbed by your height over her.

                                            >"You're too tall. Shrink."

                                            "I can't, ma'am."

                                            >She huffs and trots off down the hall, motioning for you to follow.

                                            >You follow her.

                                            >As you both walk, you think about what just happened.

                                            >She's alone in a castle, doesn't have any guards, is way smaller than you are, is good-natured enough to not kill you on the spot, and is now showing you around.

                                            >You get the horrible feeling that this is going to end in sex.

                                            >Paintings of various important figures adorn the walls.

                                            >Sombra sees you looking and tries to make small talk.

                                            >"You like the paintings?"

                                            "Yeah, who are they?"

                                            >"I have no idea. I only moved in two weeks ago."

                                            "...Oh."

                                            >"Not very in-the-know, are you... Uhh--"

                                            "Anonymous."

                                            >"Anonymous."

                                            "No, I'm not. How did you come to running the empire?"

                                            >"I merely showed up and every pony was so scared of me that they just ran away."

                                            "Really?"

                                            >"Yes. That's what happened. Stop asking so many questions."

                                            "So now that you have the empire, what are you going to do?"

                                            >"Run it, obviously."

                                            "Ah, good plan. But uhh, I didn't see... -many- ponies around. How are you going to gather wealth and power with so few followers?"

                                            >"Hopefully that fanclub of yours might be able to throw me together an army. How does three months sound? I want an army ready to go in three months."

                                            "Why do you want an army?"

                                            >"I'm a tyrant, idiot, it's what tyrants do. You know, they build armies and stuff."

                                            "And stuff."

                                            >"Shut up."

                                            >She pushes open a door and you find yourself in what looks like...

                                            "Is this a kitchen?"

                                            >Sombra pulls open the Royal Refrigerator and retrieves a Rich, Expensive and Hard-to-obtain Royal Beverage.

                                            >She cracks open the soda and sips on it.

                                            >"You want one?"

                                            >Nervously accept and pierce the lid, sipping the flat soda inside.

                                            "You're... Not really what I was expecting."

                                            >Sombra goes red.

                                            >"Yeah, well, why don't you just disappear like the others then?"

                                            >Sit down on a chair.

                                            >Sombra glares at you.

                                            >You get an idea, and instead slide off the chair and sit cross-legged on the floor.

                                            >This brings you to eye-level with Sombra.

                                            "I think I'll stay."

                                            >She seems pleased with this and sits herself down as well.

                                            >"Good. I need more slaves."

                                            "Slaves?"

                                            >"Yes. I need slaves to build my empire."

                                            >Look around you.

                                            "Empire already seems built."

                                            >"Shut up, you don't know what it's like, running a nation."

                                            >You scratch your face in thought.

                                            "Soo... What -is- it like?"

                                            >She gazes blankly at the soda in her hooves.

                                            >"It's... Nice."

                                            >Frown.

                                            "Just nice?"

                                            >"Look, you came at a bad time, alright? It's a transitional period, I haven't got everything set up yet."

                                            >She gulps down some flat soda.

                                            >"Come back in a month, and there'll be black-armour-clad guards marching these halls, legions of servants fulfilling my every wish, and foreign nations will be tripping over themselves to pay tribute to me!"

                                            >She angrily drinks more 'Fruity Punch' soda.

                                            >"You'll see, Anonymous..."

                                            >She leans back so that her back is resting against one of the table legs behind her.

                                            >"They'll all see..."

                                            >Sit awkwardly for a while, sipping on the gone-off soda and thinking about what to do next.

                                            >You're in a kitchen, and there are knives everywhere.

                                            >You could totally stab her right now and be done with it.

                                            >Yet some strange cosmic force compels you to sit still.

                                            >The thought yet again occurs that you're probably going to bang this mare.

                                            >"So."

                                            >Look up at her.

                                            >"What do you like to do for fun?"

                                            "I'm sorry?"

                                            >She goes red and asks again.

                                            "Uhh, well, reading. I like reading."

                                            >Sombra nods.

                                            >"Yes, yes, me too. I have a library, you know."

                                            "Really? Is it big?"

                                            >"It's huge. It's a -royal- library, see."

                                            "Oh, cool."

                                            >She gives you an unamused look.

                                            >"Well don't get too excited."

                                            "Sorry, it's just, uhh, I don't really know how to talk to royalty."

                                            >She shrugs.

                                            >"You've been doing well so far."

                                            >That's encouraging.

                                            >"Want to see it then?"

                                            "Sure, lead the way."

                                            >She stands up and gets two more sodas out the fridge.

                                            >"So, um, this might sound weird, but do you like adventure novels?"


                                            "The afternoon sun washed over the lands, shrouding all it touched in a silky orange glow. Firefall sighed happily as she could just about make out her home in the distance; the picturesque little village sat as happily as it always had on the side of the valley bowl..."

                                            >You are in Sombra's library.

                                            >For how long you've been there, you're unsure.

                                            >But you're both under blankets and reading stories by lamplight.

                                            >Sombra is curled up across from you, her red and green eyes flickering in the flame's light.

                                            >You finish the book and yawn.

                                            >Check your watch.

                                            >You've been here for hours.

                                            >Your throat kinda hurts from reading, and there are plates of food and empty drink cans scattered all around you.

                                            >Sombra is watching you with utmost fascination.

                                            >She'd taken off her crown sometime during your reading, and it lies forgotten on a small pile of chocolate wrappers.

                                            >Her mane is wild and unkempt, a stark contrast to the pristine state it was in when you first met.

                                            >She lazily plays around with an apple as you finish reading.

                                            >Once you do so, she smiles.

                                            >"That was... Great."

                                            "Just great?"

                                            >"Well, uh, passable, I suppose."

                                            >She sniffs.

                                            >"I used to have ponies read to me every night."

                                            >You raise an eyebrow at her.

                                            "You used to have ponies read you stories at night?"

                                            >"Yes?"

                                            "What, like a foal?"

                                            >She glares at you.

                                            >"If I wasn't so tired and full of chocolate I'd come over there and beat you like a dog."

                                            >She snuggles in deep amongst her blankets and royal gown.

                                            >It makes her look extremely cozy.

                                            "It's past midnight, do you want to sleep?"

                                            >"Sure, do you have a train you need to catch tomorrow? N-not that you can leave, or anything."

                                            >...

                                            >You briefly remember why you're here.

                                            >Sombra studies your face as you think.

                                            >It's not hard to tell that she's trying to figure you out.

                                            >Eventually, you stretch out and let out a satisfied noise.

                                            "Well I wasn't planning to go tomorrow. Didn't really plan my trip home yet."

                                            >Which in a way is true.

                                            >Sombra develops a small smile at this.

                                            >"Oh. Good."

                                            >She stands up, trying to keep the blankets close to her.

                                            >The air in the library is chilly, though, and she quickly sits down again.

                                            >"Ugh, I hate how cold it gets around here."

                                            "Can't you heat the place up a bit?"

                                            >"The old owners used to have enchantments that kept the place warm no matter what."

                                            "And you can't do that?"

                                            >"I don't know the spells for it. The eco-dome outside is fine, but the central heating isn't."

                                            "Maybe it's in one of these books?"

                                            >"Maybe."

                                            "Don't you want to find out?"

                                            >Sombra yawns.

                                            >"I just want to sleep at the moment."

                                            >You give her a curious look.

                                            "What exactly have you been doing these last few weeks?"

                                            >"Just... Planning."

                                            "Planning for your armies, right?"

                                            >"Of course."

                                            "And not sitting around eating whatever you find in the fridge."

                                            >"...Of course."

                                            >She rests her chin on the floor.

                                            "Not going to bed?"

                                            >"Too tired and cold."

                                            "Wow, some tyrant you are."

                                            >"Just because I'm not what you would consider the ideal tyrant, doesn't mean that I'll put up with your sass, Anonymous."

                                            "Oof, sorry."

                                            >"Mmph. You'd better be..."

                                            "You alright?"

                                            >"Yes yes, just tired..."

                                            >She closes her eyes and lets out a final, deep sigh.

                                            >After a few seconds, you can hear her delicate snores drifting past your ears.

                                            >You watch the sleeping mare for a good minute.

                                            >This is it.

                                            >You could kill her right now.

                                            >Crush her throat?

                                            >Snap her neck?

                                            >...

                                            >You look away from the queen and flip onto your back.

                                            >Stare at the ceiling.

                                            >You're not kidding anyone, Anon.

                                            >You aren't a killer. Not even close.

                                            >No way in hell are you killing someone you just met, least of all someone as sorry-looking as Sombra.

                                            >Glance at her again.

                                            >She looks troubled when she sleeps.

                                            >Every so often she'll shift uncomfortably.

                                            >Looking over her body, you see that one of her back legs is exposed.

                                            >Readjusting yourself, you feel the cold air rush in for a moment.

                                            >You don't blame her for shifting; the air is freezing.

                                            >Shuffle over to her and gently wrap your fingers around her leg.

                                            >Carefully slide it under her gown, then cover the gown in her blanket, making sure that none of her is exposed.

                                            >"What are you doing?"

                                            >You flinch and look at her.

                                            >She's sat up slightly, her eyes glowing with ethereal light in the darkness.

                                            "You looked cold, so I just, ah, moved your leg under the blanket."

                                            >Sombra fixes you with her signature stare.

                                            >Then gives you a small nod.

                                            >"Thank you."

                                            >She beckons for you to come closer.

                                            >"Lie with me."

                                            "Huh?"

                                            >"We'll be warmer that way."

                                            "We could always find a bed--""

                                            >"Lie. With. Me."

                                            "Right, yeah, got it."

                                            >You settle down next to her and get comfy.

                                            >She closes her eyes again and is asleep in seconds.

                                            >You can smell her from here.

                                            >She smells... quite musty, actually.

                                            >Hardly 'smelling of lavender and vanilla' like the ponies back in Canterlot often do.

                                            >Unwashed, even.

                                            >You wonder if she's figured out where the shower is yet in this palace.

                                            >Regardless, you get comfortable on your back and close your eyes.

                                            >Never thought the day would end up like this.

                                            >And with that, you drift off to sleep.


                                            >Your eyes creak open.

                                            >The first thought in your mind is how much warmer it is.

                                            >Sunlight streaks through the arched windows, catching the floating dust and illuminating the library.

                                            >A muffled groan makes you glance at the sleeping form next to you.

                                            >Sombra's faintly glowing eyes flutter open and she groggily studies you with early morning confusion.

                                            >"Snrrrrgg... Crryyyystlllss..."

                                            "What."

                                            >She smacks her lips and raises her head from the floor, about to reply.

                                            >Then pauses.

                                            >Look down at where she's staring.

                                            >You didn't even notice it, but sometime in the night, Sombra's hoof had escaped the confines of her blankets.

                                            >The same happened to your arm, and your fingers were lightly resting against her hoof.

                                            >Both you and Sombra quickly pull your respective limbs back to each other and regard one another with caution.

                                            >"Were you touching me last night?"

                                            "I don't know, did you try anything funny?"

                                            >"Do I look like I make a lot of jokes?"

                                            "I don't even know who you are."

                                            >She huffs and stands up, shedding her blankets.

                                            >The tyrant grunts at the sight of the books, wrappers, plates and glasses.

                                            >"Look at this mess... Who's going to clean this up?"

                                            "You, presumably, it's your palace."

                                            >"Ugh, such disrespect. You're lucky I need you here to carry out my orders."

                                            "Say what now."

                                            >"Last night you told me you had no plans to leave, and I need help cleaning up the palace."

                                            "But that's not what I'm here to d--"

                                            >"Silence, you will do this for me or I shall destroy you."

                                            >Give her a flat look.

                                            "I don't think you will."

                                            >Sombra looks aghast.

                                            >"How -dare- you! I brought this empire to its knees! You really think you can stand up to me?!"

                                            "Yes."

                                            >"Such insolence. Fine! Be that way! I shall grant you ten seconds to run before I obliterate you where you stand!"

                                            >Her horn lights up.

                                            >You stand your ground.

                                            >She begins counting down.

                                            >Fold your arms and wait for her to finish.

                                            >"Three. Two. ...ONE!"

                                            >A violent blast of red magic slams into your chest, sending you flying head over heels backwards.

                                            >You roll several times and come to an abrupt stop at the foot of a wooden bookcase.

                                            >To your horror, your weight was enough to knock a few books off the shelves above.

                                            >They bounce painfully off you.

                                            >But just as you think it's over, a large, heavy tome outlining the perks of mechanised farming crashes into your body.


                                            >"Stupid moron."

                                            >Sombra tears a drawer out of its compartment.

                                            >"Idiot."

                                            >She inspects your arm and flips through a medicinal book.

                                            >"Imbecile."

                                            "Alright, I get it."

                                            >"Why did you make me do that?"

                                            "I didn't -make- you do anything! You're the one who lost her shit and decided to try and kill me!"

                                            >"Well I didn't mean to hit you! Your body is too large, it got in the way. I only meant to scare you."

                                            >She prods your arm and checks the drawer of medical supplies she pulled out for various ointments.

                                            "Is all this really necessary? It's just a big bruise."

                                            >"You might have a fracture."

                                            "Trust me, we'd know if I did."

                                            >"Well fine then. You patch -yourself- up."

                                            >She storms out of the room.

                                            >You sigh and check your arm again.

                                            >An ugly bruise has formed where the corner of the book hit you, but you've not broken anything.

                                            >It'll heal.

                                            >Now you just need to figure out what you're going to do with Sombra.

                                            >So far you've shown up, fucked around in a library and slept next to her.

                                            >Hardly the heroic assassination against the lord of darkness that you were promised.

                                            >Come to think of it, a lot of what Celestia told you about Sombra has turned out to be bullshit.

                                            >You were told she was a merciless overlord who had enslaved the entire kingdom.

                                            >Who had returned from beyond death to wreak havoc in the frozen north.

                                            >Who had dethroned Cadence and Shining Armour and once more brought the Crystal Empire under her control.

                                            >But given what you've seen, you have no idea what could have possibly happened.

                                            >One thing you can be quite sure of is that she isn't a monster.

                                            >Right?

                                            >She's angry, aggressive, and cold.

                                            >Maybe even a little bit conceited.

                                            >And above all else, seemingly lonely.

                                            >Of course, you can't conclude everything from spending just under a day with her.

                                            >Some more observation will have to be in order.

                                            >Even then, why observe?

                                            >You're here to kill her. No matter what you do here, the reason you came here doesn't change.

                                            >Celestia tasked you to kill her.

                                            >And you think maybe get back some money that she owes Celestia from about 1000 years ago.

                                            >Old gambling debts aren't forgotten, apparently.

                                            >"Hey."

                                            >Look up.

                                            >Sombra is holding two steaming cups in her magic.

                                            >"Do you like hot chocolate?"

                                            "Sure."

                                            >"Right. Well, good. I made you some. Thank me later."

                                            >She thinks for a moment.

                                            >"Actually, thank me now."

                                            "...Thanks for the hot chocolate?"

                                            >"You're very welcome."

                                            >The mare trots towards you and gently places your cup of steaming hot coco next to you.

                                            >She sits on her rear and sips hers, staring into space as she does so.

                                            >Once again you find yourself in awkward silence with her.

                                            >And all you can think about is what makes her tick.

                                            >So far she's been quite receptive to questions, so perhaps you can squeeze some more information out of her.

                                            "Soo, when you took over, how did that go down?"

                                            >You expect a story about how she fought her way to the throne.

                                            >Or even more likely, that everyone in the Crystal Empire just took a two week holiday and she's taken over while they were gone.

                                            >Maybe a funny story about--

                                            >"I killed them all."

                                            >...

                                            >You stare at her, then frown.

                                            "Come on, be serious."

                                            >She sets down her mug and stares straight at you, her ethereal eyes letting out small wisps of purple energy.

                                            >"I killed each and every one of them."

                                            >Your blood runs cold.

                                            >Seems Celestia was right all along.

                                            >Sombra sighs.

                                            >"At least, I think I have. Probably have. More than likely have. It was an accident, alright?"

                                            >She fumes to herself and drinks some more chocolate.

                                            >"Last time I was banished by Celestia and her fat sister, I cast a fail-safe that would banish the empire with me."

                                            "Right."

                                            >"It worked, and a thousand or so years later, I came back, along with the empire."

                                            >She takes a slow sip and wipes her mouth on the back of her hoof.

                                            >"So that time some pink flying thing and a dragon whelp literally explode me and I wake up in Tartarus."

                                            "How does that work?"

                                            >She taps her horn.

                                            >"Artificial horn. Acts like a fail-safe for death."

                                            >She smiles.

                                            >"I'm big on fail-safes. I'm just a unicorn, after all. We're super squishy."

                                            >You take note of her plush looking sides.

                                            >Then immediately look back at her face.

                                            >She's lost in her own little world as she recollects the story.

                                            >"So my horn regenerated me, I tricked the guard-dog at Tartarus with rock I painted to look like a ball, and I escaped."

                                            >Sombra shakes her head.

                                            >"I made my way back here, and the first thing I do is try and cast that banishment fail-safe again to get rid of the pink flying princess thing whose name escapes me and her consort."

                                            >She looks around, and you once again listen to the sound of silence in the palace.

                                            >"I made a mistake, Anonymous."

                                            >She looks at you sadly.

                                            >"So now they're all banished. All of them. And I'm stuck here alone for a thousand years until they get back. That is, if they even make it back. Not sure if I applied the chrono-skip to the spell, so they might literally have to spend a thousand years in some forgotten temporal plane, rather than spending 20 minutes there like we did last time."

                                            >Sombra gulps down the last of her milk and wipes her mouth.

                                            >"Worst of all I don't have anyone to boss around or mine crystals for me..."

                                            >She grows a small smile.

                                            >"Well, until you showed up."

                                            >The mare flashes you a sweet little grin.

                                            >"Anonymous~ would you be a dear and head down to the mines and dedicate your life to harvesting magic crystals for me?"

                                            >She bats her eyelids, then lets out a frustrated groan.

                                            >You watch in bemusement as the tyrant flops backwards spread-eagled and stares at the crystalline ceiling.

                                            >"Not going to lie, this is a really boring situation to be in."

                                            "But... You've got magic."

                                            >She scrunches her face up.

                                            >"I don't know what you know about magic, but tyrants have to eat, Anonymous. They have to have people work for them, and maintain their empires, and fight their battles."

                                            >The mare puffs out her cheeks.

                                            >"Tyrants rule through fear. Not much use when there's no one around to scare."

                                            >She looks at you.

                                            >"And you don't even find me scary."

                                            >You give the queen a long look, and after a long while, say:

                                            "How the hell did you take over the first time?"

                                            >She frowns.

                                            >"I just said, fear. My special talent was scaring ponies. Well, that's putting it lightly, I was a magical prodigy really. But I was always good at spooking people. My foalhood friends used to call me Spooky Sombra before I imprisoned them in the crystal mines."

                                            >She giggles to herself.

                                            >"Good times~"

                                            >Getting over how adorable that giggle was, you ask the final and most pressing question.

                                            "But why are you always portrayed as a stallion?"

                                            >"Don't know. Celestia was probably a massive bitch about winning and made everyone think I was a guy."

                                            "...But why?"

                                            >"Haven't you ever met Celestia? She's the worst."

                                            "Yeah, she is."

                                            >"Oh, you've met her then."

                                            "Yeah, she..."

                                            >Should you really tell her this?

                                            >You look at the mare lying spread-eagled on the floor.

                                            >She looks at you, nursing your arm and hot chocolate.

                                            "She umm, sent me here to kill you."

                                            >Sombra stares at you.

                                            >Slowly, she sits up.

                                            >"Oh."

                                            >You set down the chocolate and keep your hands to yourself.

                                            >The mare frowns at you.

                                            >Then her face contorts into one of anger.

                                            >Then back to just frowning.

                                            >"O-oh."

                                            "Are you okay?"

                                            >"D-don't talk to me."

                                            >She stands up and paces around.

                                            >"So now they're sending assassins. Well some assassin you turned out to be!"

                                            >Sombra seems to hype herself up for a moment, turning away and giving herself a sort of pep-talk before smoothing her mane out and readjusting her dusty robes.

                                            >She spins around, eyes full of fury.

                                            >"SO! You think you can claim my life, do you?!"

                                            "What? No--"

                                            >"You shall find only death here!"

                                            >She points her horn at you and charges it up.

                                            >You grab the closest thing to you in a bid to defend yourself.

                                            >A drawer full of medical supplies.

                                            >The two of you stand off.

                                            >Sombra breathes heavily.

                                            >Your mind works rapidly to try and figure a way out of this.

                                            >"G-go on then! Try and kill me!"

                                            "You first!"

                                            >"You fi-- What kind of assassin are you?!"

                                            "I'm not an assassin!"

                                            >"But you just said Celestia sent you to kill me!"

                                            "She did! And if I really was an assassin, then why didn't I kill you last night?!"

                                            >"I don't know, because you're stupid!"

                                            "Then how could I possibly kill -you-?!"

                                            >She pauses.

                                            >Then raises her horn slightly.

                                            >"...Did you just imply that I'm smarter than you?"

                                            "Well, I mean, you're the one with an empire, and I'm threatening you with--."

                                            >You quickly glance at the drawer in your hands.

                                            "Bandages, throat medicine and tea-leaves."

                                            >Sombra blushes slightly.

                                            >"Well, umm, you're still going to try and kill me though, right?"

                                            "No, I'm really not."

                                            >...

                                            >She dissipates the magic in her horn.

                                            >"Well. Good. I'm terrible at fighting."

                                            >Sombra tries to force a smile.

                                            >"You can put down my medicine now."

                                            >You do so gladly, then sit back down.

                                            >Sombra tentatively sits next to you.

                                            >Then scooches over slightly so that you can feel her flank pressed slightly against your leg.

                                            >"So now that I've forced you into submission, can you please look after me?"

                                            "I-- what."

                                            >"Well, I'm a tyrant, not a cook."

                                            "You want me to cook you stuff."

                                            >"Yes, and if you don't, I'll kill you."

                                            "We literally just established that you won't kill me."

                                            >"I showed you mercy."

                                            "Oh here we go, mouthing off about being superior again."

                                            >"Shut up, Anonymous, you can't understand what I'm going through."

                                            "What sort of tyrant bitches about her emotional problems to would-be assassins?"

                                            >"The kind that will slap said would-be assassin silly if he doesn't show her some respect!"

                                            "I'll show you respect when you damn well deserve it, I didn't want to come to this shitty part of the country anyway!"

                                            >Sombra gasps.

                                            >"Don't call the palace I rightfully stole shitty! I spent years working towards this! I died! You could be at least a little bit more sympathetic towards my personal issues!"

                                            "Personal issues?! You're a psychotic unicorn hell-bent on ruling an empire with no one in it! Why should I care about your personal issues?!"

                                            >"It's not got no one in it! -You're- in it! And I thought you might care because you haven't left yet!"

                                            "...Well of course I've not left! You haven't let me!"

                                            >"Oh don't start with that 'waa you're imprisoning me' crap! I heard enough of that from the thousands of ponies I locked underground!"

                                            "You're just an evil, self-absorbed bitch!"

                                            >"Well you're just some... I don't even know -what- you are! You just turned up and started reading me stories!"

                                            "Only because you asked!"

                                            >"Yes! I did! And I really enjoyed it!"

                                            "Yeah so did I, you whore!"

                                            >"Don't call me a whore you sack of assholes! I could break you with my mind!"

                                            "I could break you with my fists!"

                                            >"Well go ahead!"

                                            "Fine, I will!"

                                            >"Then do it!"

                                            "I'm going to!"

                                            >"Good!"

                                            "F--"

                                            >Sombra grabs both sides of your head and forces her lips against yours.

                                            >You grab her mane and wrestle her to the floor.

                                            >Her crown and robes are torn off.

                                            >Your shirt and pants follow suit, and in seconds you're both rolling around on the floor, locked in each other's embrace.


                                            >"Woah."

                                            "Holy shit."

                                            >Sombra lies cuddled up against you on the floor.

                                            >You stare blankly at the ceiling.

                                            >"That was..."

                                            "Yeah."

                                            >Sit up.

                                            >Rub your head.

                                            "Jesus..."

                                            >"What?"

                                            "Nothing. So uhh, what happens now?"

                                            >"Not... umm, not really sure. Never done that before."

                                            "I noticed."

                                            >She punches you in the ribs.

                                            >"Not funny."

                                            "It's a little bit funny."

                                            >Sombra exhales deeply and runs a hoof through her messy, tangled mane.

                                            >"Are you going to go back to... Well, you know."

                                            "Canterlot?"

                                            >"Yes."

                                            "Not sure. Can't exactly do so since you're not dead."

                                            >Sombra frowns.

                                            >"She really wanted me dead?"

                                            "Yeah, also you owed her money, apparently."

                                            >"Ugh, she's -still- on that? I'm not giving her a single bit..."

                                            "Well I can't go back until you're dead, and I can't leave because eventually you'll run out of food because you can't cook for shit."

                                            >"Hey! ...Well yes, I can't cook, but tyrants aren't supposed to."

                                            "So if I leave you'll die anyway."

                                            >Her ears fall back slightly.

                                            >"I-I suppose I would. There's enough food in the empire to last me a few months before it all goes bad. After than... well..."

                                            >She trails off.

                                            >You sigh and look at her.

                                            >She's still panting from her 'exertion' and smells terrible.

                                            "...First, you need a shower."

                                            >Sombra nods.

                                            >Then shakes her head.

                                            >"I have no idea what that is."

                                            "Uhh--"

                                            >"Thousand year banishment. Only been back for a month at best."

                                            "Ah. Basically, I'm washing you. You stink."

                                            >She goes red.

                                            "Second, we need to figure out how we're going to make food."

                                            >"We also need an army."

                                            "We can get to that later, you god damn maniac."

                                            >"What do you propose we do, then?"

                                            "I don't know, go back to Canterlot?"

                                            >She snorts.

                                            >"Celestia will have me killed on the spot."

                                            "We could move somewhere more remote then?"

                                            >Sombra give you a wry smile.

                                            >"I just had a thought."

                                            >You raise an eyebrow.

                                            >"We've only known each other for just over a day and we've already slept with and are living together."

                                            >You purse your lips.

                                            >There's silence between you both.

                                            "Has to be some kind of record, that."

                                            >"Maybe... Or I'm just -that- attractive."

                                            "Oh god not again."

                                            >"You can't deny it though, can you? I always was desirable."

                                            "We got caught up in the moment, it didn't mean anything--"

                                            >"Oh shush, I know you liked me the moment we met. I could see it in your eyes."

                                            >She bites her lower lip.

                                            >"You devious creature, coming into my palace just to seduce me~"

                                            "Did you smoke something while I wasn't looking? Snap out of it! This is a serious situation!"

                                            >She clears her throat and apologises, but still gives you the half-lidded eyes.

                                            >"You'll make a fine slave."

                                            "First things first, lady, I'm no slave. What we have is a platonic relationship to further our mutual goals, me so I can go home, you so you can survive since you're apparently too inept to survive on your own."

                                            >She flushes with anger.

                                            >"Don't start this again, you damnable creature, you're the one who showed up to copulate with your assassination target!"

                                            "It wasn't exactly fair! I've never killed anyone and you were in a really sorry state! I couldn't kill something so defenceless!"

                                            >Oh. Whoops.

                                            >"Defenceless?! I have conquered empires--"

                                            "By jumping out of the fucking closet and saying "boogaloogaloo"! That's not something real tyrants do, Sombra!"

                                            >"I apologise for not being a ruthless killing machine like you'd hoped!"

                                            "It's not my fault I'm here! It's Celestia's fault!"

                                            >"Well it's her fault I'm trapped in this frozen wasteland!"

                                            "Oh boo hoo, so why don't we just dance along back to Canterlot and kill Celestia then?!"

                                            >"Like that will ever happen!"

                                            "Then what the hell do you want from me?!"

                                            >"I want you to stay with me!"

                                            "We've known each other for a day, woman!"

                                            >"Is that supposed to change the fact that I've fallen for you?!"

                                            "Oh suck my dick you fucking--"


                                            "God dammit."

                                            >"I don't even know what happened then."

                                            "Twice. Twice in the same fucking day."

                                            >"Damn, that thing you did with your hands was hot~"

                                            "Shut up."

                                            >Sit up again.

                                            >Sombra giggles and enjoys her afterglow.

                                            "What are we going to do, Sombra..."

                                            >"Hmm?"

                                            >Lie back and put your hands behind your head.

                                            "Two days ago I was sat at home reading books and just existing. Now I'm lying on the floor of a palace after round two with an alleged 'diabolical overlord' that I was supposed to kill."

                                            >"Wouldn't have happened if you'd just killed me."

                                            "Fuck you."

                                            >"Literally just did~"

                                            >Grunt in response.

                                            >"Look, I'm a simple mare with simple tastes. I want an empire, an army, and a hoof massage. So then you show up and turn that on its head."

                                            "How have I turned it on its head?"

                                            >"By... you know, being nice to me. Reading, making me smile. All that good stuff..."

                                            "Jesus, you have the emotional depth of a teenager."

                                            >Check your watch.

                                            "It's been like... twenty hours since we met.

                                            >She looks at you sadly.

                                            >"Well what am I supposed to do? I feel like I need you in my life even though we've only known each other for a day."

                                            "Maybe you're just lonely."

                                            >"If I was, would that really change how I feel about you?"

                                            >...

                                            >"Let's just... stay together."

                                            "But--"

                                            >"We'll sort out the food problem when it happens, Anonymous..."

                                            >The mare looks into your eyes.

                                            >"What have you got to lose?"

                                            >Hm.

                                            >Not much, to be frank.

                                            >No job, since no one will hire you and Celestia pays you since you're technically the ambassador to your people.

                                            >A pretty dumpy house in the lower levels of Canterlot.

                                            >You keep getting dragged into shenanigans by the royal family.

                                            >At least here you can unwind a bit.

                                            >Even if it is with an emotionally unstable, highly volatile, tyrannical wanna-be overlord.

                                            >Look down at your smelly, flawed, bright-eyed partner.

                                            >She lets out a short, soft laugh.

                                            >"President of my fanclub... really?"

                                            >You chuckle.

                                            "It was the best thing I could think of on my feet."

                                            >"You're weird, you know that?"

                                            "So are you."

                                            >...

                                            "What, no venomous comeback?"

                                            >"I don't feel like fighting."

                                            >Blink.

                                            "Well that's new."

                                            >"Oh shush, we've been together a day, you don't even know me."

                                            "No, I don't."

                                            >"...But I'd like you to."

                                            >...

                                            >You sigh and squeeze her closer to you with an arm.

                                            >Stare at the ceiling with what is apparently now your partner resting on you.

                                            >Hell of a way to start the week.

                                            >Food is going to be a serious issue soon.

                                            >Celestia will no doubt want to track you down.

                                            >And you don't even have any clothes.

                                            >Then again, you also have an entire empire to yourselves.

                                            >Look down at Sombra.

                                            >She's snoozing against you.

                                            >The unsettled look she wore the previous night has vanished.

                                            >She seems almost content now.

                                            >Still dangerously unstable.

                                            >And angry.

                                            >But content.

                                            >You?

                                            >Well, you just became the proud co-owner of an empire.

                                            >That has to count for something, right?

                                            >Sure, not everything turned out well, but at least it's an fun change of pace.

                                            >Sombra coos softly in her sleep.

                                            >She's an interesting mare.

                                            >Certainly more so than the other partners you've had since you showed up here.

                                            >And definitely more easily agitated.

                                            >But she's got a weird sort of appeal about her.

                                            >Maybe it's the eyes.

                                            >Plus, you broke a world record and got yourself a marefriend within 20 hours of meeting her.

                                            >If you had friends, they'd no doubt be patting you on the back.

                                            >Throughout your thoughts, you find yourself smiling.

                                            >Looks like you were right, though.

                                            >This whole thing -did- end in sex.


                                            The End.