[FLUTTERRAPE] Cadence Is Terrible


                                            Originally uploaded to Pastebin: January 18th, 2015

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                                            >"HI ANON!"

                                            "Oooooh... That's not what I needed to wake up to..."

                                            >You cover both your eyes with the palms of your hands and try to block out the horribly grating voice in your ears.

                                            >"I REPLACED ALL YOUR CEREAL WITH SOUP!"

                                            >Remove your hands and stare blankly at Cadence, who is stood gleefully on your chest beaming down at you.

                                            "Is it at least nice soup...?"

                                            >"Nope! It's motor oil and tomato ketchup!"

                                            >Reach up and grab her neck lazily.

                                            >She doesn't really react as you try to choke her to death.

                                            >You're too tired to squeeze very hard, so all you really end up doing is massaging her neck.

                                            >"Oooh~ that's nice, Anon."

                                            "Stop enjoying this. These are not fun times for you."

                                            >"Can we do something fun now?"

                                            "No. Fuck fun."

                                            >You throw the covers aside and climb out of bed.

                                            >Cadence sits happily on your bed and watches you lumber around looking for clothes.

                                            "Where are my socks...?"

                                            >"I fed them all to the dog!"

                                            "I don't have a dog."

                                            >"I also got you a dog!"

                                            "NYYYUUGH."

                                            >Stomp downstairs.

                                            >Trip over the poodle at the foot of them.

                                            >It squeals and starts running around in circles madly.

                                            >As expected, it's pink, fluffy, and is covered in bows.

                                            >You watch it dash around for a bit.

                                            >It pauses for a moment and gives you a big dopey look.

                                            "You aren't a dog. You're a sin against canine-kind."

                                            >The poodle barks.

                                            >Cadence appears next to you.

                                            >"I called her Mistress Thunderbutts!"

                                            "But why?"

                                            >"Because!"

                                            >She skips past you and into your kitchen.

                                            >-Your- kitchen, that is.

                                            >Step past Mistress Thunderbutts and shoo Cadence away from your fridge.

                                            >Open it and behold the contents.

                                            >"I replaced all your food with healthy alternatives!"

                                            >It's just pictures of Cadence's vagina.

                                            >Give her a sad look.

                                            "I'm going to starve, Cadence."

                                            >"Cool!"

                                            "You don't even care anymore, do you?"

                                            >Mistress Thunderbutts barks.

                                            >Cadence gasps.

                                            >"She wants feeding! Quick, feed her some pussy!"

                                            >The princess grabs a hoof-full of selfies and stuffs them down the dog's throat.

                                            >You watch the spectacle in awe.

                                            >Glance outside for a second.

                                            >Shining Armour is glued to the window, giving Cadence a longing look.

                                            "Uhh, your husband's outside."

                                            >"Pffft."

                                            "What, you don't care about him either?"

                                            >"All that matters is you and I, silly! Look, we even have a dog!"

                                            >You look at Mistress Thunderbutts.

                                            >She's twitching on the floor with scraps of marepussy on her face.

                                            >Cadence turns to you.

                                            >"Now all we need to do is get married!"

                                            "But polygamy's illegal in Equestria."

                                            >Her right eye twitches, though her demeanour stays the same.

                                            >Hurriedly, she grabs a picture of her stuffing a cucumber down her throat, turns it over and scribbles something on the back in pencil.

                                            >' polygamy legal now '

                                            >"Th-there! Now it's legal! I'm the princess, I can do what I want!"

                                            >"Cadence...? Can you come home and make me breakfast?"

                                            >"SHUT THE FUCK UP SHINING ARMOUR! Haha! Isn't he a joker, Anon?!"

                                            >"But I'm hungry..."

                                            >Cadence strokes your leg.

                                            >"J-just come with me, Anon! We can be happy! We can even share the bed with each other! Shining Armour can watch!"

                                            >Mistress Thunderbutts coughs a few times then goes limp.

                                            "I think our dog just died."

                                            >Cadence doesn't react.

                                            "It's like a metaphor for our failing relationship."

                                            >"OOOOH WHERE DID I GO WRONG?!"

                                            >Cadence rushes over to the kitchen drawers and levitates out every single knife.

                                            >"I SHOULD JUST KILL MYSELF RIGHT HERE!"

                                            >Sip the tea that was apparently in your hand and watch her.

                                            >...

                                            >She looks between you and the knives before stuffing them back in the drawers.

                                            >"B-but we can still save our relationship!"

                                            "I used to have a normal life."

                                            >"We just need to see a counsellor!"

                                            "Think I even had a girlfriend once."

                                            >"Wait! -I'm- a qualified counsellor! I'm a -love- counsellor!"

                                            "She was brunette, I think. Lovely girl."

                                            >"Anon I think we should fuck on the couch to save our relationship! You can even spank me with the dog!"

                                            >She levitates Mistress Thunderbutts up to your face and waggles her lifeless body around.

                                            "If I wasn't so jaded I might find this sorta distressing."

                                            >You sip your tea.

                                            "As it stands I just don't care."

                                            >"Caaadeeence--"

                                            >"NOT NOW SHINING ARMOUR!"

                                            >The mare hovers up to your face and kisses you on the lips.

                                            >"There! All better!"

                                            >She twitches.

                                            >"Can we go home now and fuck in the throne room?"

                                            "No."

                                            >"AAUUUUUUUGGGHHH!"

                                            >The princess collapses, dropping the dog in the process, and starts sobbing at your feet.

                                            >"I-I just want us to be happy!"

                                            >Stare stoically into the distance.

                                            "I was happy once..."

                                            >Pick up the princess and carry her to the front door.

                                            >She doesn't make any effort to resist as you gently place her on the front doorstep and pat her on the head.

                                            "Shhh, little pony. That'll do."

                                            >Shining Armour drags himself along the floor, clearly famished from the whole morning he's had to endure without his wife.

                                            >He latches onto her like a limpet and the two both cry.

                                            >You decide to place Mistress Thunderbutts on top of the quivering ponies for good measure.

                                            >Slowly close the door and lock it.

                                            >Walk back into the kitchen.

                                            >Get out some motor oil and tomato ketchup soup.

                                            >And eat it glumly.

                                            >You miss Ponyville.