The Pie Bloodline


                                            Synopsis: The Pie bloodline must survive.


                                            >"You have to fuck my sister, Nonny."

                                            >Pinkie has Marble Pie's rear end aimed at you; she's holding her like a bazooka.

                                            >Marble looks over her shoulder at you; the poor thing looks terrified.

                                            >You stand in the middle of Ponyville Town Square; ponies walk by without giving the three of you a second glance, ready to write this situation off as just another one of Pinkie's antics.

                                            >You're not willing to approach this state of affairs with the same amount of leniency, however.

                                            "Pinkie, why are you trying to shove your sister's ass in my face?"

                                            >The pink mare sets her sibling down, tilting her head at you in confusion.

                                            >"Huh? Don't you remember the Pinkie Promise you made?"

                                            "I don't recall making any promise involving your sister's cheeks."

                                            >Pinkie frowns at you.

                                            >"Come on, Nonny, it's the Pinkie Promise you made when you said you'd continue the Pie bloodline in return for that gazebo I lent you! I'm cashing that promise in!"

                                            >Oh, the gazebo thing, right—wait—

                                            "Wait—what? I thought you said that you wanted me to help you continue the Paiblud line of cakes! They were delicious!"

                                            >"Nope! Now you gotta fuck my sister, Nonny!"

                                            "This is a setup! I demand a do-over—"

                                            >A sudden chill runs down your spine.

                                            >"You're not planning on breaking a Pinkie Promise, are you, Anon?"

                                            >Pinkie is enveloped in a menacing aura, and esoteric symbols start to float around her.

                                            >"Because if you are…"

                                            >She slowly ascends into the air. Her eyes glow with an ominous light; the veil thins.

                                            >You can faintly hear the theme of the Pillar Men in the background, and it's getting louder.

                                            "N-no! Of course not! Wouldn't dream of it, Pinkie!"

                                            >Reality returns to what it was.

                                            >"Good."

                                            "But—but just hold on a minute, Pinkie."

                                            >She squints her eyes at you.

                                            >"Yes?"

                                            "W-well, the Pinkie Promise is just to continue the bloodline, right? So I…I could continue it with any one of you, yeah?"

                                            >"Well, I guess so, but…"

                                            "So what about Maud?"

                                            >"Uh, Nonny? She's got a boyfriend, don't you remember?"

                                            "I try not to, to be honest."

                                            >"Maud's not gonna cheat on her boyfriend. Once you get with a Pie mare, she stays with you forever! Not even death will do you part!"

                                            >She grabs Marble Pie, who has slowly been shuffling away from the both of you (she managed to move a whole inch) and pushes her towards you.

                                            >"Fooooreeeeveeeer!"

                                            "Aha…great."

                                            >So that also counts her hot mom out, damn.


                                            "What about you, Pinkie?"

                                            >Pinkie laughs.

                                            >"I mean, you're a great human and all, Nonny, but you're not really my type."

                                            "And yet you don't care about who *my type* is."

                                            >"What do you mean? I thought you'd like Marble. Don't you like shy mares?"

                                            "I have no clue why you would think that."

                                            >Actually, you have a pretty good inkling, but you might as well hear it from the horse's mouth.

                                            >"Because you hang out with Fluttershy all the time!"

                                            >You shudder at the mention of The Quiet One.

                                            "And *she* is exactly why I don't want to settle down with a shy mare. Fluttershy is insane, Pinkie. You've only seen a fraction of the shit I've seen her pull."

                                            >"Aw, come on, Nonny! She's not…that…"

                                            >Pinkie scrunches her snout slightly.

                                            >"…Well, anyway! Marble isn't like that! She wouldn't molest a fly! Not even if it was a delicious fly that shoots out candy when you pleasure it! Mmmm, candy fly…"

                                            >She starts drooling.

                                            >You shake your head.

                                            "Mares like her are off their rocker. Beneath that quiet facade, a terrible, lustful darkness lurks within. If I never see a shy mare again, it'll be too soon.

                                            >You see Marble's ears droop.

                                            "Ah…no offence, Marble."

                                            >"Mmm…"

                                            >You turn back to Pinkie, who has snapped out of her theoretical-bug-induced stupor.

                                            "What about Octavia?"

                                            >Pinkie starts sweating.

                                            >"W-what? What do you mean by that, Nonny-non Nons? Octavia isn't a Pie pony, ahah—hah!"

                                            >"Did somepony call for me?"

                                            >Octavia walks onto the scene with a curious expression.

                                            "Hey, quick question, Tavi. Pinkie's got me wrapped up in one of her promises and I was just wondering—you're part of the Pie family, right?"

                                            >"Well—"

                                            >"You shouldn't be here! You should be back at Canterlot! LET ME HELP YOU!"

                                            >Pinkie suddenly lunges at Octavia, tackling her to the ground.

                                            >Lifting her up by her hindlegs, Pinkie performs a giant swing, launching a screaming Octavia all the way to Canterlot.

                                            >"Nobody can know about you and the Pies! NOBODY! YOU HEAR ME!?"

                                            >Pinkie's abrupt act of aggression shakes you to your core.

                                            >It shakes you so much that you can't even bring yourself to correct her on the fact that she used "nobody" instead of "nopony."

                                            >You look on in concern as the grey speck in the distance crashes into one of the ivory spires, leaving a crater that's visible even from where you're standing in Ponyville.

                                            >…She's probably fine, she's a Pi—actually, best not continue that line of thought.

                                            >Looking at Pinkie, you see that her mane is frazzled and she's hyperventilating, and she continues to do so for a straight minute.

                                            >Once her minute is up, her mane miraculously poofs back into a pristine state and she shifts back into her usual chipper demeanour as she turns to face you two.


                                            >"Okay! Back to business, Nonny! Pie bloodline! You, Marble—hanky panky!"

                                            >She performs some kind of lewd gesture where she repeatedly jabs the frog of her left hoof with the wall of her right.

                                            >You look at Marble and she appears to shrink even further into herself; you feel kind of bad that Pinkie's forced her to be a part of this.

                                            >Well, there's only one option left here.

                                            "What about…"

                                            >"Nonny."

                                            >Pinkie takes on an unusually fearful tone as she shoots you a pleading look.

                                            >"Don't."

                                            "But I—"

                                            >"It's not worth it, Nonny! It's not worth it!"

                                            >For a moment, you consider her wise words of warning, but then you look back at Marble, who is shaking with *some* sort of emotion.

                                            >Does she even want this? Actually, you're not really sure; she *could* be super wet right now, but you don't want to take that risk.

                                            >You may be an Anonymous shitposter, but you like to consider yourself a morally upstanding guy, all things considered.

                                            >This is /flutterrape/, not /rapemarble/.

                                            >So you steel your nerves as you utter the words that will undoubtedly change your life forever.

                                            "What about Limestone."

                                            >Pinkie's eyes widen and the air around you becomes still.

                                            >She promptly drops down onto her belly, positioning one of her ears right next to the ground.

                                            "Pinkie…?"

                                            >You note that the ambient chatter that surrounded your trio has stopped; looking around, you can't see any other ponies wandering the streets of Ponyville, which is strange considering it's the middle of the day.

                                            >"Sis, we need to leave. Now."

                                            >"M-mhmm…"

                                            >You turn to look back at the duo and they've already disappeared.

                                            >In fact, everypony's disappeared.

                                            >The stalls have been cleared, the doors are locked, and ambience is deathly quiet.

                                            "Where did everybody go? Bingo?"

                                            >You feel a light tremoring beneath your feet—an earthquake?

                                            >There's a rumbling noise coming in from the distance.

                                            >It's coming from the south-west.

                                            >You head over in that direction, not a single pony to be seen along the way.

                                            >Standing at the south-western edge of Ponyville, you find yourself a good vantage point to survey the horizon, trying your best not to lose your footing to the increasing magnitude of the tremors.

                                            >There in the distance, you see it: an enormous, mobile dust cloud far away, but it's getting closer fast—very fast.

                                            >A stampede is coming.

                                            >You pull out your trusty set of binoculars to get a closer look.

                                            >…That's not a stampede.

                                            >The veritable speeding sandstorm is all the result of just one earth pony—a grey mare with a grey mane.

                                            >You zoom in further.

                                            >There are hearts in her eyes.

                                            >You lower your binoculars.

                                            "Mother of God…"

                                            >Fear roots you in place.

                                            >But you know there's no point in running, regardless.

                                            >She can't be outran; she can't be overpowered; she can't be reasoned with.

                                            >All that's left is to accept your fate.

                                            >Because pretty soon you're gonna be—

                                            >Fucking Limestone Pie.