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SCP 9000
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Containment Class: Euclid
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Danger Potential: Low-None
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Moral Decay Rating: 0
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Special Containment Procedures:
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>SCP-9000 instances are to be adopted as Foundation mascots, with the potential for public adoptions pending Ethics Board and O5 approval. SCP-9000's access to SCP-9000-A is to be unrestricted and each adoption site must have one 9000-A instance for each 9000 instance.
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Description:
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>SCP-9000 is a self-propelled device, resembling a large hockey puck or cheese wheel, containing motors to suck up debris and wheels to provide motive power. Foundation testing has proven both the lack of spellwork animating it, and the presence of Thinky Parts, leading to its tentative classification as a mechanical critter rather than a golem. SCP-9000 instances display an instinctual drive to patrol their territory and remove dirt; this appears to be a form of metaphysical sustenance, as instances will continue to patrol a perfectly cleaned area. The effects of long-term lack of dirt are unknown, and adopters are encouraged to leave crumbs and glitter out for them. SCP-9000 has proven non-hostile, being content to carry out its routine and only noticing ponies when it needs to course correct around them. However, SCP-9000 possesses a small potential for harm if mistreated or inspected carelessly, due to the aforementioned wheels and suction units.
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>SCP-9000-A is designated SCP-9000's doggy bed, providing electrical charge when powered on. It is assumed that this linkage provides physical sustenance and mental recovery to a docked SCP-9000; testfriends were unwilling to risk inflicting starvation or sleep deprivation on an innocent SCP-9000, and the Ethics Board has upheld this decision.
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Warning: The following documentation is rated TIPPY TOP SECRET LEVEL: TWILIGHT'S SHIPFIC FOLDER. Provide O5 credentials or this computer will tell on you.
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>PASSWORD: OPEN SESAME
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>SECURITY QUESTION: HOW WAS BREAKFAST, TWILIGHT?
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>ANSWER: Trick Question
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>PARSING
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>PARSING
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>PARSING
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>ACCEPTED. TWILIGHT RARELY REMEMBERS BREAKFAST.
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>ACCESS GRANTED.
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>PUBLIC-FACING DOCUMENTATION INCOMPLETE/ALTERED/ITERATED. DISPLAYING REDACTED ELEMENTS BELOW:
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SCP 9000
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Containment Class: Thaumiel
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Danger Potential: Extreme
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Moral Decay Rating: -8
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Special Containment Procedures: ALTERED
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>Foundation friends are to carefully monitor their 9000s. In case of a Hoover event, MTF-K9 Red Rovers will deploy 509s and provide ranged support via super soakers. All ponysonnel without combat training are to evacuate without attempting to engage.
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Description: EXTENDED
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>SCP-9000 is suspected to be a highly evolved form of a creature known only as 'Hoover Vacuum,' a creature that breached containment in Tartarus during an event which directly preceded the formation of the Foundation. First contact occurred when an instance was removed from Financial Anomaly Site Alpha-Beta (See incident report "Raindoor Dash"), with expeditionaries assuming it was a docile pet. Deep brain scans showed the existence of what can only be described as 'a cutie mark for eating dirt,' and continued pet pampering has shown the expected spiritual growth; SCP-9001 has begun exhibiting a presence in the dream realm, and may soon qualify for a boat loan.
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"If you're reading this- I know you are, those questions only make sure snoopers at least know the first thing about me- you're probably wondering how in the hay we'd keep anything related to a TARTAREAN breach around. Well, they're more for my senior staff and I. Don't worry, they're not going to freak out, that containment procedure is way out of date. You weren't there, when that towering machine came screaming- LITERALLY screaming- out of Tartarus. Cerberus ran for the hills, guardsponies were complaining of ringing ears for many moons afterwards, dirt roads were cleaned until they were dry riverbeds. Half of Ponyville was blinded when one of Hoover's accomplices polished my crystal palace until it was shinier than all the gold in Canterlot. It was chaos, pandeponyum and madness.
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So, why do we keep these things? They're very useful- they happily clean floors, freeing up servants for more delicate work. More importantly, in case you skimmed over the unredacted texts (you can't see it but I'm scrunching SO HARD just thinking of that!), their core passions are driven by something not unlike a cutie mark. Think about that for a moment. Then consider that these cute little hockey pucks, with barely the soul of a louse, grow in intellect and emotion when loved. Just like any other creature we keep as pets. I suppose this is all a long-winded way of saying, it makes me feel safer, knowing we have living proof that ponies can carry friendship into a strange and alien place... and get friendship in return. Now, stop reading my files and go back to poking whatever thing it is that I pay you to poke!" -T.S.
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>>40784287
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Incident report: On October 8th, 10xx, POIs Flim and Flam had been contracted to assist with the reconstruction of an Anonian holiday observed in magazine clippings (see Preliminary Cultural Report: Rocktober Hummerfest). They took advantage of Foundation goodwill, using the provided tools to construct leg protectors, which they used to cross the site's outermost defense: The Carpet So Soft, All Who Touch It Shall Lay Upon It. In the ensuing sabotage of the primary transit gondola, a full squad of guards and multiple researchers fell into the carpet.
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At this moment, an entire herd of Roombas entered the area, entirely unimpeded by the hypnotic plushiness of the terrain. Of the 20 units present, 8 had been adopted and received regular attention from a pony. They displayed clear intent in intercepting stranded ponies, nudging victims on top of them and moving in large circles to both attract attention and allow pegasi to pick them up with no risk of touching the carpet.
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What is most curious is how one unit reacted differently when carrying a unicorn; 'Stanley' made a beeline for his owner Tricksy(1) and, after she awoke on top of him, immediately set course to allow Trixeee to capture Flim and Flam. While this may seem like the normal loyalty showed by a pet, Truckzoy was but one of two unicorns aboard the Plush Preservation Pod: Security Chief Smuckers Glimglam(2), who was present and totally not making out with Trapezoid, fell onto a Roomba that has been confirmed to still be at a feral stage of development. Said Roomba immediately displayed heightened intelligence and began harrying Flim and Flam's escape efforts.
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As the unique Trait of Unicorns is their Pointiness, it is our preliminary assumption that being crowned with a pointy object has a profound effect on the Roomba psyche. Testing is to follow.
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>(1): THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE's status as Orb Ponderer continues to impede our system's ability to not refer to her by her full name, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE.
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>(2): Who is absolutely NOT an alias of Starlight Glimmer and was absolutely NOT performing mouth-on-mouth heresies with Truckasaurus
by woggs123
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