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Misc SCPs

By woggs123
Created: 2024-02-03 20:22:02
Updated: 2024-11-19 04:47:20
Expiry: Never
/kinder/scpkinderquestriakinder

  1. >A magic mirror
  2. >One that can summon hayburgers and candy
  3. >The delivery wagon is huge and the driver smells like sad
  4. >Celestia exercises Big Pony Privilege, takes the mirror
  5. >Canterlot's constant cake shortages end overnight
  6. >Immediate reclassification to Thaumiel requested
  7.  
  8. >Be WageAnon
  9. >Living on Earth
  10. >Who the FUCK keeps charging your Doordash!?
  11.  
  12.  
  13. >Incident Report: Card Declined
  14. >Approximately seven days after implementing Cake Subscription Protocols, the device stopped responding to requests. Further attempts to summon food were met with accusations of card theft (1) mixed with several unknown magic words (2). Test friends attempted to appease the device, offering various forms of cards (3) with no change in behavior. After being sprayed with water by a Cheese Sandwich Novelty Birthday Card, the device stopped responding at all. It is feared that the spirit within has gone home to tell on us.
  15.  
  16. >Reclassification to Keter recommended.
  17.  
  18. >(1): According to expedition logs, no cards or card-like objects were recovered
  19. >(2): Translation spells estimate relation to monetary concepts and timeouts with 83% confidence. Possible relation to cognitohazards observed after deep dive team returned.
  20. >(3): Cards rejected include 52 playing cards, a School for Gifted Unicorns flashcard set, and an ultra rare shiny Bushwoolie trading card.
  21.  
  22.  
  23. --------
  24.  
  25.  
  26. >SCP 0451
  27. >Containment Class: Safe
  28. >Special Containment Procedures:
  29. >Any object afflicted by SCP 0451 is to remain with its original author; repeated testing has shown no good will come of attempted containment measures. Agents are to be gently, but firmly, reprimanded upon any capture attempt. THIS MEANS YOU TOO, TWIGGLES.
  30. >Description:
  31. >SCP 0451 is an anomalous compulsion that can infect any personal log, journal, diary(1) or other similar written works. This compulsion primarily infects the younger siblings in a family, causing them to be utterly convinced that the contents of said books are in any way their business. Regardless of how illogical this assumption is, or how well-hidden or secured the book is, the younger sibling(s) will still believe they have the right to access it.
  32.  
  33. >It is believed that SCP-0451 has existed in the wild since at least The First Thursday; it came to Foundation attention due to the altercation between two high profile officers who shall remain unnamed in this document, LITTLE SISTER(2). Due to its ubiquity and relative harmlessness, containment is considered a non-issue.
  34.  
  35.  
  36.  
  37. >(1)For the record, it is a journal and that is a perfectly stalliony thing to keep.
  38. >(2)A BBBFF SHOULDN'T KEEP SECRETS FROM HIS LSBFF!
  39.  
  40.  
  41. ---------
  42.  
  43.  
  44. >SCP: B-00-P
  45. >Containment Class: Aponyon
  46. >Harm Potential: None
  47. >Moral Decay: Absolute. Badnon does not have your snoot.
  48.  
  49. >Special Containment Procedures: SCP-B-00-P is a memetic effect tied to a series of finger/talon gestures. Good luck containing every griffon, minotaur, and anonymoid all at once. Testfriends should count every time this article says something similar to the following: "Badnon does not have your snoot." Imagine each time was a separate pony telling you this. That's a lot of ponies telling you that Badnon never took your snoot.
  50.  
  51. >Description: SCP B-00-P is a memetic effect triggered when a creature with hands pretends to steal the snoot of a pony. A typical B-00-P event involves grasping the snoot loosely, pantomiming the act of pulling it off the pony's face, and exclaiming 'got your snoot!' The victim will then believe their snoot is missing, no matter what logical arguments are presented to the contrary. Badnon does not have your snoot. It is important to note: THE VICTIM DOES NOT ACTUALLY LOSE THEIR SNOOT. (You certainly didn't lose yours to Badnon.) This has been confirmed over dozens of isolated studies with researcher testfriendimony and audiovideo recordings. However, while bystanders are not compelled by SCP B-00-P directly, they can easily fall victim to the Herdstage Mentality effect wherein the victim's conviction simply causes the bystander to comply with their worldview. Badnon does not have your snoot. The effect can only be broken by pretending to return the snoot, in all other circumstances the victim will believe they are sans snoot regardless of their continued ability to eat and breathe. Research into utilizing the Herdstage Mentality to break the victim's compulsion is promising but has yet to result in replicable success. Badnon does not have your snoot, I Pinkie Promise.
  52.  
  53.  
  54. ----------
  55.  
  56.  
  57. >SCP-001
  58. >Containment Class: Uncontainable
  59.  
  60. >Special Containment Procedures: SCP-001 cannot be fully contained by any methods currently known to the Foundation. SCP-001 is believed to be present everywhere at the same time. SCP-001 is public knowledge and any attempts to contain the spread of information will inevitably fail or be undone. Foundation efforts will instead focus on methods to temporarily banish parts of SCP-001 and/or increase field agents' ability to operate within its unmitigated influence.
  61.  
  62. >Description: SCP-001 is the tendency for creatures to lose ocular ability depending on location and time of day. Ponies immersed in its influence describe a gradual darkening of color, difficulty navigating or distinguishing objects, inability to read, and a deep sense of dread. This effect tends to increase in severity under the Moon (1), and/or inside caves, rooms and under forest canopies. The presence of certain chemical, biological, thaumetic or electrical apparatuses can reduce or eliminate SCP-001 in a certain radius. SCP-001 is believed to have heavily influenced the development of life as we know it, as 90% of ponies report being unable to sleep without being between 4 and 7 levels of immersion. As such, any proposals to permanently banish or counteract SCP-001 are rejected preemptively. (2)
  63.  
  64. >(1): It is heavily debated whether the Moon is an aspect of SCP-001 or the first defense mechanism ever deployed within SCP-001's influence.
  65. >(2): Unless said proposal can also solve the Naptime-Sleepy equation
  66.  
  67.  
  68. ----------
  69.  
  70.  
  71. >SCP-2514 "Immunization"
  72. >Containment Class: Safe (declassification pending new sources)
  73.  
  74. >Special Containment Protocols:
  75. >Supplies of SCP-2514 are to be kept in the care of the site's medical staff. SCP-2514 may be prescribed by a site physician at their discretion, and will also be issued in small amounts to field medics. At this time, SCP-2514 is not to be declassified and released to the general public due to the risk and cost associated with industrial-scale harvesting of any currently-known sources.
  76.  
  77. >Description:
  78. >SCP-2514 refers to a hard, pink tablet pill found semi-commonly in Zone YANTS's various apothecaries and household medicine cabinets; a listing of the known bottle iconography is available to any procurement team upon request.
  79. >When a single tablet is ingested by a pony, it grants temporary immunity to sneezing, coughing, itching and/or eye-watery anomalies for approximately 2-4 hours(1). In 75% of cases, it will also induce a drowsiness that, while not qualifying as a knockout drug, will impair the patient's judgment and reactions to a considerable degree.
  80.  
  81. >(1): Depending on tribe, sex and overall health of the patient. 4 hours is the norm .
  82.  
  83.  
  84. ----------
  85.  
  86.  
  87. >>40932163
  88. >SCP-2X
  89. >Containment Class: Keter
  90.  
  91. >Special Containment Procedures:
  92. >SCP-2X affects, at random, approximately 52% of the pony population from the moment of their mail order. As it is a lifelong, gross, nice-smelling, weird but kinda pretty affliction, the only solutions are to develop understanding and keep constant watch. While we must remember that those afflicted by SCP-2X did not have a choice, we cannot allow them to ruin our action figures and mud-related contests of colthood.
  93.  
  94. >Description:
  95. >SCP-2X is a disease which affects half of all ponykind, causing innocent babies to be born as the inscrutable creatures known as 'fillies.' This results in a lifelong debilitating condition, causing sufferers to be paradoxically beautiful yet disgusting. An implausibly high percentage of sufferers display preferences for dumb flowery dresses, boring tea parties and lame-o dollies. If the sworn testimony of older brothers is to be taken as bond, many fillies can bewitch a colt and compel him to pay for her lunch.
  96. >Due to most mares referring to their youths as a 'fillyhood,' the Foundation operates under the assumption that fillies are the larval form of mares. What this means for Equestria as a whole has yet to be ascertained, but it's probably really frilly.
  97.  
  98.  
  99. ----------
  100.  
  101.  
  102. >SCP Foundation general alert:
  103. >Summary: Due to several recent events, the various Ponies of Interest collectively referred to as SNEAKERs are being elevated to an active threat to civilian safety, up from being 'annoying rats who get paid better than we do.' Dive teams are to be retrained and reconstituted accordingly. A detailed breakdown follows:
  104.  
  105. >Anomalous sites are being infiltrated and robbed by civilian and paramilitary competitors with increasing frequency
  106. >These so-called SNEAKERS go into the kinds of places where crazy bread is just normal bread and they take stuff
  107. >Some have legitimate scientific interest, some just want all the cool swag, some are selling them to the highest bidder
  108. >It is important to note that SNEAKERs who successfully exfiltrate are not to be bullied, as the concepts of Home Base and Finders Keepers are protected by international treaty
  109. >It is equally important to note that most Class-A Anomalous Sites are located outside of our reality and are not subject to most international treaties. (note to self: find a way to put an impish little smug grinning face here to accentuate that yes I totally mean what they think I mean)
  110.  
  111. >No dive teams are to deploy without one pony trained in combat, another pony trained in international law, and another pony trained in coming up with excuses
  112. >General rules of engagement must be followed; no stealing from home bases, no buying artifacts from home bases unless that's your job (SNAILS.), only perform noogies if nerfed upon, and absolutely NO pies. If you need to even ask for a pie before you leave, let alone wonder if now's the time to use it, you are not authorized to even look at a pie so don't ask k?
  113.  
  114.  
  115. ----------
  116.  
  117.  
  118. >SCP-002
  119. >Containment Class: Keter
  120. >Harm Potential: Unknown
  121. >Moral Decay: Frequent and severe
  122.  
  123. >Special Containment Procedures:
  124. >SCP-002 vastly prefers targeting lone victims. Prevention is as simple as encouraging shared sleeping arrangements, especially among the very young; current social engineering programs have been extremely successful and are predicted to remain so for the foreseeable future.
  125. In the event of a manifestation, SCP-002 instances can be banished by performing the Checklist Against Fear (CAF) ritual. The CAF requires one pony who is considered to be an authority figure by the victim(s); the ritualist must make a show of checking every furniture-descendant space, wall recess and obscured corner of the room. Maintaining civilian knowledge of this ritual is critical to combatting SCP-002 without unfeasible deployment costs.
  126.  
  127. >Description:
  128. >SCP-002 is a monster of variable appearance, size and density which can only be perceived by foals below the age of Big Brother/Sister. These foals are also its primary targets, as SCP-002 is sighted exclusively within their rooms during bedtime hours. The victims invariably describe a sense of unease, greater awareness of shadows and potential ambush spots, and an inability to sleep. All of these symptoms increase with greater exposure to SCP-001. While no adults so far have been able to perceive SCP-002, victims usually report an absence of the entity after the CAF is performed. This suggests that SCP-002 fears adults, but without capturing one for study, all information about its psychology and physiology are purely speculative.
  129.  
  130.  
  131. ----------
  132.  
  133.  
  134. >SCP-1947
  135. >Containment Class: [s]Safe[/s] Neutralized, see incident report.
  136. >Risk Assessment: The food was kinda mediocre, let's be honest.
  137.  
  138. >Special Containment Protocols:
  139. >SCP-1947's remains are to be thrown in a standard trash can.
  140. >Description:
  141. >SCP-1947 is a smoking pile of garbage.
  142.  
  143. >THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION IS KEPT IN POSTERITY, FOR EDUCATIONAL/ARCHIVAL PURPOSES:
  144.  
  145. >Special Containment Protocols:
  146. >SCP-1947 is to be kept at Expedition Site Humanhusband's kitchen. Testing is to be performed as the testfriend's hunger dictates.
  147. >Description:
  148. >SCP-1947 is a box primarily constructed of metal, with the door handle and a number pad made of whatever they make action figures out of. A glass door and a screen door are located on the front. Currently, it is not known how to open the glass door separately, or why the two ended up stuck together.
  149. >When a time is entered via the number pad, and the START button pressed, the inside of the device will be affected by a standard level 2 Boil Water spell. Observation of expedition site natives indicated that this can be exploited to quickly cook pasta.
  150. >Expedition site natives have no known spellcasting ability, and the provenance of SCP-1947 is still under investigation.
  151.  
  152. >TEST LOGS:
  153. >Dish: Dried macaroni with water
  154. >Result: Cooked macaroni. Judged edible but disappointingly chewy.
  155.  
  156. >Dish: Dried macaroni
  157. >Result: Very little heat. Macaroni deemed crunchy and still suitable for arts and crafts.
  158.  
  159. >Dish: Fork
  160. >Result: Incident Report.
  161.  
  162. >INCIDENT REPORT:
  163. >I put a fork in there and it kinda blew up. Sorry.
  164.  
  165.  
  166. ----------
  167.  
  168.  
  169. >SCP-66
  170. >Containment Class: Keter
  171. >Danger: Broken friendships
  172.  
  173. >Special Containment Procedure:
  174. >Any new instance of SCP-66 is to be destroyed.
  175. >Instances catalogued for storage are to be defaced via physical damage with a chisel, and stored in the Site 19 Big Heavy Vault.
  176. >SCP-66's anomalous properties quickly lead to boredom/arguments from everypony winning; as such, SCP-66 instances must not be allowed to infiltrate diplomatic summits.(1)
  177. >In the event of a possible SCP-66 appearance at such an event, agents are to obtain and destroy said dice, no matter the cost. This directive supersedes all other directives as per contingency Ponies Playing Poker Pilfer Perilously.
  178.  
  179. >Description:
  180. >SCP-66 is a standard pair of 6-sided dice.
  181. >The faces are marked with dot indentations rather than standard numerical symbols.
  182. >The advanced construction and markings suggest they were intended to be shipped with an adult boardgame such as Clue, though so far no anomalous sets have been reported.
  183. >SCP-66's anomalous properties become apparent when the dice are rolled.
  184. >No matter the circumstances, SCP-66 will heavily favor landing on 6.
  185. >The initial assumption was that of a non-anomalous, radical and ill-conceived dice set, due to the indentations.
  186. >This assumption was disproved when multiple games containing functional indented dice were discovered.
  187. >The method and source of SCP-66's creation are presently unknown.
  188.  
  189.  
  190. >1. The one time it happened, it was bad. Celestia and Prince Rutherford were having a great time until Prince Rutherford realized Celestia would win just because she went first.
  191. >Accusations were thrown, feelings were hurt, and the only Hayburger Hamlet in Yakyakistan was rendered uninhabitable for one moon.
  192.  
  193. ----------
  194.  
  195. >SCP-31
  196. >Containment Class: Safe (Reclassification to Explained/public production run pending)
  197. >Danger: None
  198.  
  199. >Special Containment Procedures:
  200. >SCP-31 instances are to be stored in a standard containment cubby when not in use.
  201. >MTF-Tinkertoys has reverse-engineered the means of producing additional SCP-31 instances.
  202. >Consistent lack of harmful properties has placed SCP-31 on the Declassification list, pending Ethics Board and O5 approval. Limited civilian rollouts are a possibility, Fungineers should standby to assist civilian contractors in such cases.
  203.  
  204. >Description:
  205. >SCP-31 is a small, pedal-powered wagon, able to fit a single adult pony. Cross-testing with SCP-063 suggests the object is a facsimile of a "Sports Car."
  206. >SCP-31 has no apparent physically anomalous properties. The wheels function as normal, travelling no faster or slower than a pony can pedal.
  207. >SCP-31 has significant mind-altering properties, both on its operator and nearby ponies. Operators consistently report less mental fatigue and more fun on long deployments compared to walking on hoof, or even taking a train. Bystanders are easier to disperse as well, with far fewer cases of ponies picking at cover stories, citing an obvious air of authority bestowed upon the vehicle and its operator.
  208. >SCP-31 can act as a force multiplier against tall creatures, with its forward impact absorber being perfectly aligned to directly attack the Achilles Shin. Classification to Thaumiel was declined, as the additional secrecy of said class was deemed a poor cost/benefit proposal.
  209.  
  210.  
  211. ----------
  212.  
  213.  
  214. >SCP-31
  215. >Containment Class: Safe (Reclassification to Explained/public production run pending)
  216. >Danger: None
  217.  
  218. >Special Containment Procedures:
  219. >SCP-31 instances are to be stored in a standard containment cubby when not in use.
  220. >MTF-Tinkertoys has reverse-engineered the means of producing additional SCP-31 instances.
  221. >Consistent lack of harmful properties has placed SCP-31 on the Declassification list, pending Ethics Board and O5 approval. Limited civilian rollouts are a possibility, Fungineers should standby to assist civilian contractors in such cases.
  222.  
  223. >Description:
  224. >SCP-31 is a small, pedal-powered wagon, able to fit a single adult pony. Cross-testing with SCP-063 suggests the object is a facsimile of a "Sports Car."
  225. >SCP-31 has no apparent physically anomalous properties. The wheels function as normal, travelling no faster or slower than a pony can pedal.
  226. >SCP-31 has significant mind-altering properties, both on its operator and nearby ponies. Operators consistently report less mental fatigue and more fun on long deployments compared to walking on hoof, or even taking a train. Bystanders are easier to disperse as well, with far fewer cases of ponies picking at cover stories, citing an obvious air of authority bestowed upon the vehicle and its operator.
  227. >SCP-31 can act as a force multiplier against tall creatures, with its forward impact absorber being perfectly aligned to directly attack the Achilles Shin. Classification to Thaumiel was declined, as the additional secrecy of said class was deemed a poor cost/benefit proposal.
  228.  
  229.  
  230. ----------
  231.  
  232.  
  233. >SCP-301
  234. >Containment Class: Safe
  235. >Danger: Embarrassment
  236.  
  237. >Special Containment Procedures:
  238. >SCP-301 is to be kept in a windowless containment cell.
  239. >Cross-testing has been exhausted. Please stop asking, no matter how funny it was the last time.(1)
  240.  
  241. >Description:
  242. >SCP-301 is a seemingly normal trash can. This is believed to be part of its hunting strategy, as ponies will be compelled to investigate its suspicious normality.(2)
  243. >Once an adult mare has entered, SCP-301 will shrink to such size that the mare will be stuck inside and require assistance to exit.
  244. >The prevailing theory on its origin is some manner of embarrassment-fueled changeling variant, but no conclusive evidence has been found so far.
  245.  
  246. >1. Especially don't tell Twilight there's a book in there, and whatever you do, don't use the magic tablet to record it.
  247. >2. It's totally normal, you idjits, stop making an SCP entry every time you do something stupid. It's ok. We've all been stuffed into an enclosed space because we thought there was candy in there. It happens.(3)
  248. >3. IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN TO PRINCESSES!
  249.  
  250. ----------
  251.  
  252. >SCP-1111
  253. >Containment Class: Safe
  254. >Destruction Risk: High
  255. >Disruption Risk: High
  256.  
  257. >Special Containment Procedures:
  258. >Get us more SCP-1111 now do it now do it do it do it we NEEEEEED IT
  259.  
  260. >Description:
  261. >SCP-1111 is a species of fried wheel cakes(1) of unusual size and delectability.
  262. >Typically found in groups of 13, inside a white box with red markings(2); exhaustive testing has unfortunately proven they do not simply manifest inside such containers.
  263. >They are great and command wants more of them. Please help us.
  264.  
  265.  
  266. >1. Pony Joe has copyrighted the term "Donut" oh dang it there goes 2 bits
  267. >2. Best translation efforts approximate to "Crunchy Milk." The deeper implications of this are currently unknown.
  268.  
  269.  
  270. ----------
  271.  
  272.  
  273. >SCP-1800
  274. >Containment Class: Safe
  275. >Destruction Risk: Meh?
  276. >Disruption Risk: My coiffure!
  277.  
  278. >Special Containment Procedures
  279. >SCP-1800 is to be stored in a standard containment cubby. Additional instances are to be disposed of via standard anti-electronics bathtub.
  280.  
  281. >Description
  282. >SCP-1800 is an elongated object made of a substance similar to Lego blocks. When a button on the topside is pressed, the metal tip at the end begins to rapidly vibrate. At this point, SCP-1800's anomalous properties have engaged.
  283. >The holder of the object will experience an intense, subconscious urge to sweep the metal tip across the manes of any ponies or dollies they can find. SCP-1800's metal tip functions as a rapidly snipping scissor, capable of making ponies bald with terrifying efficiency.
  284. >Initial containment found three objects in the possession of the Cutie Mark Crusaders (See SCP-003) and was disastrous for Rarity's mane, Silver Spoon's doll collection, and the Ponyville creek trout population.
  285.  
  286.  
  287. ----------
  288.  
  289.  
  290. >SCP-Pickanumberformedammit
  291. >Containment Class: Apollyon
  292. >Destruction Risk: Low, as much as it pains Us to admit
  293. >Disruption Risk: Inevitable loss of divine mandate, leading to devaluing of currency and eventual collapse of Equestrian civilization
  294.  
  295. >Special Containment Procedures:
  296. >O6 Luna is to be given fluff extensions as soon as possible.
  297. >Attempts to reduce SCP-?'s impact on trust in the pony government (by reducing SCP-?) led to seventeen separate planned chimp events across 7 families.(1)
  298.  
  299.  
  300. >Description:
  301. >SCP-? is an unknown force which causes satyrs to inherit the massive chest floofs of their human parents.(2)
  302. >While this phenomena is harmless when manifested on human entities, creatures with pony ancestry thus affected are almost always perceived as having an aura of authority and coolness(3) similar to their ability to bewitch human males and approximately 10% of human females.
  303. >SCP-?'s true risk to the crown was discovered when the royal guard began saluting Arianna despite her lack of any military experience whatsoever.(4)
  304. >Obviously this will not do. Ergo, refer to the special containment procedures and make my I mean Luna's chest floof utterly Sleepover Sized.(5)
  305.  
  306. >1: We're pretty sure that Manehattan will be inhabitable again.
  307. >Someday.
  308. >Maybe.
  309. >2: No.
  310. >3: Technically true but-
  311. >4. Ok that IS a problem but-
  312. >5: LUNA THEY ARE UDDERS WE JUST NEED TO EDUCATE-(6)
  313. >6: Big chest is big. Big begets loyalty. Thy arguments fall upon deaf ears.

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