Derpy's Ascension


                                            >>40798483

                                            >>40798610

                                            >>40799146 (Context: Anon concocted a plan to lead a pony to a red cottonball via laser pointer, making them think they'd finally caught it.)

                                            >Ponies actually have reason to fear the red dot, it's the one foe that's actually Srs Bsns

                                            >The Orange Abyssinian Empire was led into the sea by 'a great shining ruby that none could truly approach' [spoiler]yes they tried to catch the fucking sun[/spoiler]

                                            >Princess Platinum once gained a zit that defied all creams; the resulting teasing directly led to the first Windigo invasion

                                            >Once there were 100 Changeling hives, until the fat hairy ones came. Decorated with brilliant red circles and hats made in the blackest pits of Tartarus, they wielded mystical far-eastern ninja weapons. In the end, 99 hives were made prisoner-waifus, forever forced to adopt whatever oh-nee-may costumes their new lords demanded. Chrysalis herself only survived by being out to buy milk, and the atrocities she saw committed in the name of 'love' made her the monster she is now.


                                            >Be Dulcinea Derpithicus Doomakemesomemuffins

                                            >Derpy for short

                                            >Mare on a mission

                                            >Be chasing that darned red dot (it tricked your little filly into ramming her head against a wall!!!!!)

                                            >You chase it behind a copse of bushes

                                            >It's cornered, now comes the banishing

                                            >Entire minutes of fruitlessly grabbing at it

                                            >Wearing it down until its summoning finally runs out

                                            >An exhausting vigil all grownup ponies must keep

                                            >Nopony has ever caught one, nopony ever will

                                            >Except

                                            >You're actually holding it now

                                            >That has never happened before

                                            >That can't happen, right?

                                            >The dots are as ephemeral as they are evil

                                            >Portents of doom!

                                            >Blinders of unwary eyes!

                                            >And yet, here it is, in your hoof

                                            >Is somepony singing?

                                            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uITaghKWMMM (Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous 'Mythic Power')

                                            >Zone out as powers previously unimaginable become second nature

                                            >Long division, object permanence, not crying when you scrape your knee

                                            >Echoes of days long gone and yet to be sing in your mind: old wars, old peace, old arts that cease (and thus was Equestria born!)

                                            >You know the words that will save the Legion of Doom, at the end of it all

                                            >You know when the DVD logo will hit the corner

                                            >Underneath, softer yet stronger beyond measure: you know you have fresh muffins, a new coloring book, and a beautiful daughter at home

                                            >You try to leave and trip over something Princess-sized

                                            >It's the Princesses, kneeling, tears in their eyes

                                            >You should invite them over for muffins

                                            >You can't be sad with muffins!


                                            >Be Princess Celestia

                                            >The choir is calling

                                            >The prophecy is true

                                            >The Oldest Enemy hath been chained

                                            >You fly to the battlefield with all haste, passing over a screaming and fleeing Trickster Anon

                                            >A young mare is there, a royal courier judging by her hat

                                            >She is holding the dot in her hoof, its powers rendered completely inert

                                            >Her eyes shine like only a mother's can

                                            >This is it

                                            >It's really happening

                                            >You and Luna kneel before Her

                                            >The Queen of All Kingdoms, She Who Can Banish Bedtimes

                                            >The Whiffle Bat of Restoration, Binder of Bullies, Smoocher of All Ouchies

                                            >...Has just tripped over you and fallen on Her face


                                            >>40800645

                                            >Be Derpy

                                            >Be on your Couch of Glory, surrounded by ponies playing banjo and xylophone

                                            >You love foalsitting

                                            >Three wise mares keep bringing you scented markers and fancy oats

                                            >It's really nice but you don't know why they insist on doing it

                                            >Suddenly a scream

                                            >Many screams, actually

                                            >"It's in the grass!" "It could be anywhere!" "THE HORROR!" etc.

                                            >Well this won't do

                                            >As you leave, a flash of green goes down the front of your house

                                            >It draws your right eye towards it, but your left eye...

                                            >Is that Anon on Roseluck's roof?

                                            >What's he holding?

                                            >No- there's the green dot again!

                                            >Stop getting distracted!

                                            >You could've sworn his hand was moving when the dot moves

                                            >It is! And again! But...

                                            >Is there a causation here?

                                            >Fortune favors the bold, and you are too Derpy to be anything else

                                            >You fly up to Anon, who smirks

                                            >The dot moves closer as if to defend him

                                            >Your good eye is led astray by its allure

                                            >Your bad eye remains on Anon

                                            >He does not seem happy about this

                                            >You'd think he would be ecstatic, having a friend who could keep watch

                                            >His hand moved again! And so did the dot!

                                            >In the same direction even!

                                            >An idea

                                            >You grab his hand with a wing, ignoring his protests and his disbelief at your strength

                                            >You nearly crush his hand- somehow you [i]know[/i] it's important you not let him loosen his grip

                                            >You wave a hoof in front of the wand

                                            >The dot instantly jumps onto your hoof

                                            >This cannot be

                                            >Unless

                                            >What if the dot isn't actually there?

                                            >What if its power is simply projected from the wand?

                                            >Yes, you can visualize it now- the secrets of light, a path projected from the tiny lens

                                            >Feel your inborn power

                                            >You are no longer a child, fearing the shadows on the walls

                                            >You see them for what they are- the old tree outside, the moonlight shining in

                                            >Just a trick of the light

                                            >And a bully making sport of your fears

                                            >Your blood boils as a nagging doubt resolves itself in your mind

                                            >Both of your eyes center onto Anon's face

                                            >"You made my daughter hit her head yesterday."

                                            >What follows is not for pony eyes to read, but in the end, banishment to Detroit would have been merciful