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Excursion Zone: Yoosian-Alpha/Nuevo-Trottingham-Stadt (Zone YANTS)(1)
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>(1): The auto-translator always gets names wrong- it should be something like "New Yorkshirepudding Town" according to Foundation xenolinguists; Blame the crummy enchanted notebook system for us being unable to update the document's title. And unable to delete it to make a new, correct entry. And the constant inconsistencies in document formatting.
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PRELIMINARY:
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>Zone-YANTS is an extradimensional pocket realm, approximately four times the size of the Island of Manehattan, containing a city of enormous stone buildings. The city is a proper city, containing functional water and power and the expected diversity of commercial, industrial and residential districts. It is presently believed to be a true, self-contained pocket dimension, created by an astral conjunction between Manehattan and its corresponding island on a presently-unknown plane of existence. This reconciliation of two sets of universal laws is believed to be the primary cause of its supersaturation of localized anomalies; the technological advancement of the Counterpart's civilization is likewise assumed to be the cause of most of the area's SCP objects. Zone-YANTS is thus of extreme scientific interest and military concern to the Foundation.
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>One stable portal is known to the Foundation, located in the alleyway behind Horse Josiah's Off-Brand Wheel Cakes on 4th and Mane. This portal requires two ponies pulling separate carts to open: they must approach head-on, swerve so that their carts suffer a sideswipe collision, and then yell "HEY! I'M WALKIN' HERE!" in unison. A portal 3 strides wide will open at the point where the carts collided, and remain open for 5 minutes.
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>Zoneside, this portal is located within a room dominated by several rows of what are assumed to be fur-drying machines. The activation ritual requires one female operator to pretend to be stuck in the hollow of one of the drying machines; after wiggling her rear and calling for her stepbrother(2), the designated stepbrother must then walk past as if their stepsister was not in need of immediate extraction and hugs. The return portal will appear dead ahead of the stepbrother.(3)
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>The presence of other GOIs confirms the existence of an unknown number of portals outside Foundation control.
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>(2):The marital status of the two friends' parents is irrelevant
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>(3):Information on how this return procedure was discovered is top secret as ordered by O5-Cadance and O5-Shining(4)
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>(4):Wait how to delete NO HOW TO DELETE!!!
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STRATEGIC ASSESSMENT:
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KNOWN PONYLANDIAN INVOLVEMENT:
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Major GOIs:
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>Flim-Flam Bros LLC, Flimmoth Rock School of Geology
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>Ned Flamders' School for Faustless Foals
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>Flim and Flam's Actually A Scam We're Not Even Gonna Be Punny This Time corporation.
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Other GOIs:
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>Suspected Diamond Dog bandit clans present in the undersewers of most regions.
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>Saddle-Arabian airships linger at the tops of buildings in the 'Tartarean Galley' region, possible indication of docks and home base; unclear if caliphate navy, privateers or pirate/outlaw crews. Do not engage without prior authorization, even if nerfed upon, until further notice.
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>Confirmed unaffiliated SNEAKER activity at irregular intervals.
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KNOWN INHABITANTS:
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>Occasional instances of SCP-509 canids have been seen, presumed native to Counterpart. Entities with collar tags should be taken into temporary custody, and led back to the Counterpart via [REDACTED: NEED-TO-KNOW BASIS- CONTACT RED ROVERS.] Entities without signs of previous ownership should be treated as a potentially-friendly stray.
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>Multiple feline clans have divided the city into queendoms. MTF-Cutie-5 "Flutters' Angels" is on-site to track the ongoing political situation, and should be consulted frequently. Of particular note, a massive clowder of orange tabbies have proven willing to lead rescue teams to incapacitated agents, in exchange for regular shipments of old tuna.
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>Frequent sightings of rats, pigeons
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>Dormant instances of SCP-9000 can be found in certain stores and domiciles. Most are newborns at the lowest known level of intellect, with a few domestic examples bearing higher awareness.
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>Cannibal Humanoid Underground Dwellers in the sewer system; as none of our agents are humanoid, they have proven willing to parley and occasionally trade.
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RECURRING ENVIRONMENTAL CONCERNS:
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>EXTREME LACK OF WILD GRASS AND HAYBALES! EXTREME FREQUENCY OF GRADE-ICKY INGESTIBLE OBJECTS! All divers must fill out a waiver acknowledging the likelihood of consuming a meat or hyperdairy product before deployment, and reaffirm this consent via pinkie promise to the homebase commander upon arrival. Divers MUST NOT eat anything they are not certain is edible for a pony, no matter what it is or what non-pony they witnessed consuming it (see SCP-101, the Pepper Candy Incident, Spike's Badstard Muffins, That One Time Snails Ate A Bug, [REDACTED: LIST OVERFLOW: CONSULT SITE LIBRARIAN FOR FULL LIST OF LISTS OF ICKY THINGS]
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>The blackstone roads are constantly harried by a stampede of spectral wagons, reminiscent of SCP-Ford-F150 in general shape, sound and function. Ponies caught in the stampede are battered and bounced along, inevitably being spit back onto the street they attempted to cross from. The stampedes play out according to the whims of recurring signal boxes, occasionally stopping to allow merges/pedestrian crossings. As the Foundation has yet to deduce what (if any) greater pattern controls these train signals, air and underground mobility remain crucial to our long-range operations.
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>Feral horses have been sighted. As in Equestria, feral horses are NEVER TO BE APPROACHED due to the extreme danger of struggle snuggles and kicked-in-the-headitis.
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>Functional television sets and movie theaters can be found in many areas, often turning themselves on to encourage entities to vote for the next princess or to advertise cow meat sandwiches. Squad leaders must remain aware of the naughtiness resistance rating of their subordinates, and treat these devices accordingly.
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>Any building emblazoned with a golden M is likely to contain fresh apple pies and a fortified playplace. Control of these pieholes is a critical aspect of current strategic doctrine.
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>Distressingly high rate of delta-grade NERF weapons can be found, even lying fully loaded within a foal's bedroom. Typical arms trade control doctrines are superceded within the Zone due to unenforcibility. Agents must be aware of the high nerfality potential of any GOI-involved combat, and should consider themselves free to arm themselves as they see fit.
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