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How Anon, Snips and Trixie saved Equestria, pt. 3

By woggs123
Created: 2024-04-21 04:59:14
Updated: 2024-08-28 23:48:51
Expiry: Never
/kinder/cheerileekinderquestriakinderdinkysnailssnipsdog

  1. >Be Snips
  2. >It's been.....
  3. >You don't actually know
  4. >Time kind of fell apart for you, after you watched Anon kill that bear
  5. >Wait-
  6. >He did it exactly the way Trixie said she would've!
  7. >"If THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE simply had a GREAT AND POWERFUL 40-niggawatt anti-vehicle plasma cannon, she would simply shoot the Ursa Major in the face!"
  8. >WORLDVIEW REAFFIRMED!
  9. >TRIXIE IS THE BEST!
  10. >What's that smell?
  11. >And that sound?
  12. >Something sickly-sweet and bubbling
  13. >Smells pretty red, too
  14. >Oh right- the big fancy Easy Splice Alchemy Set currently being used to turn vegetables into staple snackies
  15. >"And then we jus' spin it 'round in this here centrifuge, sieve out the crystals, put the mash back in for another boil.."
  16. >He's not really doing much, is he? Fancy automatic thingy, hey wait...
  17. "Hey, how come your house still works right? Everypony in Ponyville has had to cut back on using lights n stuff."
  18. >"What? Why?"
  19. >Faust must be really proud of you, since Trixie's melodious voice answers him before you have to admit you don't know
  20. >"Because of the great and powerful magic shortage? Y'know, where ponies are too hungies to keep stuff powered? The thing we're all trying to fix?"
  21. >Anon looks..... well, you don't know the word for that face he's making, but it might be adjacent to disbelief?
  22. >"Do you guys not power your stuff with electricity? I got solar panels on the roof an' a kerosene generator for cloudy days- not that I ever need it, heh"
  23. "Elect-a-what now?"
  24. >The farmer is now looking you dead in the eyes, it's really uncomfortable! At least it is until he softens, just like your mom after you raid the trash again
  25. >Gee, Anon's really nice, why isn't he anyone's dad yet? He'd be great at it
  26. >Is that weird to think? Probably, but you did anyway
  27. >"Lightning. Electricity is a fancy word for lightnin', specially when it's contained and used for stuff."
  28. "Oh. So which Wonderbolt are you dating to get free lightning strikes?"
  29. >"Boy... I just... d'oh, I gots magic flowers on the roof what turn sunshine into lightning, okay? Honestly they shoulda burned out by now, cheapass hippie crap ain't supposed to last more than a couple years, guess that's Equestria for ya."
  30. >Woah
  31. >This guy is like
  32. >Actually a wizard or something
  33. >And you and Trixie are technically his apprentices
  34. >Well, assuming your mom lets you
  35. >She totally will, she let you go to that summer camp after all
  36. >And that camp didn't even have you living with her future daughter-in-law
  37. >DING!
  38. >"Sugar's done, come n have a taste, then see if you can keep calling me a dunce!"
  39. >Aw dang, he does know? That's sad. You remember when you figured out ponies weren't laughing with you
  40. >"Finally! Trixie has been waiting for seventeen eons and two ends of an age!"
  41. >You crumble a bit off of the crumbly red sugar brick
  42. >Holy hayburgers, it does taste like funny sugar! Just like those cookies!
  43. >Anon looks smug as a bug who stole your milk mug
  44. >But hey, he deserves it!
  45.  
  46. -----
  47.  
  48. >Be Snips (featuring Jerry!)
  49. >You're on your way to your mom's house (that is to say, your house, but technically it's hers)
  50. >A sack of funky red sugar is weighing you down- the fruits of your labors from these past few days
  51. >Mr Anon and Best Mare Ever are getting ready to head down to New Horseleans- it's kinda far from Ponyville, something about Trixie having family there so they'd never believe all the nasty..... what was being said about Trixie, even?
  52. >Anon left Jerry with you- you asked him why, since Jerry's the beefiest dog ever, all you got was "Winona can't be apart from her beefcake." Weird, you didn't know 'beefy' was literal. Wait, what's beef?
  53. >Anyway
  54. >You suggested they at least try to sell stuff in Ponyville, but.... yeah. Trixie. You knew it wasn't really as bad as she was afraid of, but she'd still probably make Anon's case worse around here
  55. >It hasn't even been a full year, after all!
  56. >Plus, Anon said he was tired of trying to butt heads with Ponyville's farmers- "It'll be easier for me to be a proper salesman, if'm not tempted to toss ponies at the nearest lake." were his exact words.
  57. "Welp, I guess it's just you and me now, Jerry."
  58. >"Awooooooooo."
  59. "Come on, it's only gonna be a week or two- if we just get Fluttershy to tell my mom how cool you are, we could probably stay at your house!"
  60. >"Bark."
  61. >Your face scrunches from his sudden tirade-
  62. "Wow, dude, I know you have strong feelings about turtles but... just... WOW."
  63. >You didn't even know there were slurs for turtles but you just learned them all!
  64. >Cool?
  65. >"Boof?"
  66. "No, I don't think it's weird that I understand you, what are you even talking about? Everypony knows dogs can talk!"
  67. >Silence
  68. >
  69. >
  70. "Everypony knows dogs can talk, right?"
  71. >
  72. >
  73. "Come on dude, you're crazy, stop messing with-"
  74. >Your true realization of your cutie mark in dog grooming and care is stopped by a less-round-than-normal green unicorn mare running straight at you from the burning town center, Snails and Dinky right behind her
  75. >Oh right, the town is under attack again or something, what's up with that?
  76. >"SNAILS! RUN! NOW! BACK THE WAY YOU CAME! SHE'S AT IT AGAIN!"
  77. >Before you can ask the pertine- pertonante-perti- IMPORTANT questions like "who what where why when," they are preemptively answered for you:
  78. >Who is: Cheerilee
  79. >Doing what: Attacking Ponyville
  80. >And where: Ponyville, duh
  81. >But why: Probably the evil black amulet with an evil-er red glow on her neck
  82. >When: Right now!
  83. >OH HAYBURGERS, RIGHT NOW! RUN!
  84.  
  85. -----
  86.  
  87. >"A HA HA HA HA, LITTLE DUNCEPONIES! YOU REJECTED MY LESSONS AS CHEERILEE? THEN PERMANENT RECORD SHALL REMEMBER YOUR FAILURES!"
  88. >The four of you slid into a little hidey hole, and watched as those six weirdos with matching jewelry tried to stop her
  89. >"Rainbow Dash! Sleeping through all your classes, eh? Then you'll love sleeping... IN DETENTION!"
  90. >"Fluttershy, speak up! I SAID SPEAK UP, YOUNG FILLY, OR I'LL GIVE YOU AN F IN PARTICIPATION!"
  91. >"Pinkie Pie, you never even attended kindergarten! Get out of my classroom right now!"
  92. >"Rarity? Tsk tsk, you were such a fine student..... is what I would say, but instead I'll say DRESS CODE VIOLATIONS! Just wait until your parents hear about you wearing socks to school!"
  93. >"Applejack! I........ Crud I don't have any teacher-related stuff about you, but I'm gonna kick your plot anyway!"
  94. >You really thought Twilight had her, since Twilight's Twilight, except:
  95. >"Oh, the Princess's little genius, Twilight Sparkle. What an honor to have you taking my test! I'm sure you'll finish early, dear, but I'm afraid STUDENTS MAY NOT LEAVE THE TEST FACILITY UNTIL THE TESTING PERIOD IS OVER!"
  96. >So, yeah
  97. >The six Big Mares In Town got their rumpuses wrangled, hard
  98. >Now there's a big.... dome... thingy? being built over the town?
  99. >Wuh oh!
  100.  
  101. >Your mom turned to you, talking almost too quietly to hear
  102. >"Kids, you need to run straight for Anon's house- yes, Dinky, Anon can be trusted, yes he has food- look at Snips, I dunno what he's doing but it must be working. Yes you'll be safe there- he's outside the town, outside her jurisdiction- oh crud she's looking this way!"
  103. >She's got a weird look in her eye
  104. "Mom? What are you-"
  105. >"Snips, be brave, don't look back, just... on my mark, run back the way you came and don't even think of looking back!"
  106. "Mom?"
  107. >"Three."
  108. >"Oh, the mother of the village idiot. Good, I don't have to find you for a long-overdue parent-teacher conference!"
  109. >"Two."
  110. "Mom, come with us- Anon and Trixie can totally-"
  111. >"One."
  112. >Cheerilee has a-
  113. >No! That can't be! She conjured a-
  114. >"In light of you coming willingly, we won't consider expulsion- however, I'm afraid we'll still be going OLD TESTAMENT for these disciplinary actions!"
  115. >A PADDLE!
  116. >A BUCKING PADDLE!? EVEN THE PRINCESSES ARE AFRAID OF-
  117. >Why is everything floaty now?
  118. >No, not floaty- slow! You're seeing in slow motion!
  119. >Your mom's mouth is doing that fear-squiggle
  120. >And a waterfall of tears is going down each side of her face
  121. >Why is she crying like that, it's gonna work out
  122. >It's...
  123. >Gonna work out, right?
  124. >Mom?
  125. >"MARK!"
  126. >Mom?
  127.  
  128. -----
  129.  
  130. >*THWACK!*
  131. >This isn't happening!
  132. >*THWACK!*
  133. >This can't be happening!
  134. >*THWACK!*
  135. >Your mother cries out with every meaty impact, as her rumpus is ruined so yours might stay unswatted
  136. >*THWACK!*
  137. >If this were happening, of course
  138. >*THWACK!*
  139. >Good thing it isn't!
  140. >*THWACK!*
  141. >If you just don't acknowledge it, you'll wake up!
  142. >*THWACK!*
  143. >Out of the corner of your eye, Dinky's mouth is moving, but all you hear is something like a tuba section with a gnat flying right next to your ears
  144. >*THWACK!*
  145. >Snails is dumbstruck, as glued to his position as you are
  146. >*THWACK!*
  147. >Things are starting to speed up again
  148. >*THWACK!*
  149. >Coming to a terrible, knee-shaking clarity
  150. >*THWACK!*
  151. >This is really happening
  152. >*THWACK!*
  153. >You catch the tail end of what Dinky was muttering- the Good Foal's Prayer
  154. >*THWACK!*
  155. >"-And if my naptime lasts forever, tuck me in tight-"
  156. >*THWACK!*
  157. >You NEED to be anywhere but here!
  158. >*THWACK!*
  159. >Why won't your legs move?
  160. >*THWACK!*
  161. >IDIOT! If you don't move, your mom did this for nothing!
  162. >*THWACK!*
  163. >That dome is getting bigger and more solid!
  164. >*THWACK!*
  165. >You feel a massive weight off your shoulders, as a sack of red sand hits the dirt with a wimpy thud
  166. >*THWACK!*
  167. >Only to be replaced with an even heavier sack of certified American Lowrider Hound-Dog
  168. >*THWACK!*
  169. >Jerry grabs your horn, jerking your head around
  170. >*THWACK!*
  171. >It's working! You're turning around! Go, Jerry!
  172. >*THWACK!*
  173. >Forward, double time! The sound of hooves not your own confirms your friends following close behind
  174. >*THWACK!*
  175. >Thank you, herd mentality!
  176. >*THWACK!*
  177. >Don't stop, don't look back, keep running til you're far past the limits of even the bravest truant officer
  178. >*THWACK!*
  179. >Ignore the burning in your eyes, your lungs, your legs
  180. >*thwack*
  181. >Nothing. Else. Matters.
  182.  
  183. -----
  184.  
  185. >You gallop through Ponyville's outskirts, trying to tell ponies to leave
  186. >Running kind of requires breathing though, so all that comes out is a dying whale noise
  187. >Luckily ponies tend to run away from dying sounds so that worked out, you guess
  188. >There's been pretty steady waves of royal guards flying in, either carrying paintball guns or pulling chariots full of water balloons
  189. >There... haven't been any flying back towards Canterlot to reload
  190. >This is bad
  191. >REALLY bad
  192. >PRINCESS bad- Oh hayburgers, the Princesses are here!
  193. >*THWACK!* *THWACK!*
  194. >...
  195. >The princesses have been catapulted back to Canterlot with sore butts! BUCK!
  196. >That shield is getting more shield-y by the second! Keep running! You're almost there!
  197. >The four of you make it just in time, though Dinky has to do a secret agent roll to make it past the shield in time
  198. >You hear three loud thuds, like you're a fish and your jerk owner is tapping the glass
  199. >Behind you, the flower sisters' faces are smushed against the glassy not-glass-but-magic surface
  200. >And the muffled cries of Permanent Record's victory
  201. >"ALL OF YOU FAIL CLASS FOREVER! DETENTION! DETENTION AND EXTRA HOMEWORK FOR ONE THOUSAND YEARS! A HA HA HA HA HA!"
  202. >The look on Roseluck's face as she's dragged away by Permanent Record's guess-stapo will haunt you until the day you die
  203. >Oh... did ANY other ponies make it out?
  204. >Oh yeah. Hungry ponies don't run so good.
  205. >This is one of those the-world-might-actually-be-ending sorta deals, huh?
  206. >Your knees finally give out and you all sorta just... flop over for a while
  207. >
  208. >
  209. >
  210. >AWholeLottaTimeLater.frenchnarrator
  211. >You wake up to the smell of a shaking Snails pressed right against your everything
  212. "Ah-DUDE! WHAT!?"
  213. >"Don't blame me! Dinky's touching me with her whole deal and I gotta get more dude in here, she's a total filly!"
  214. >This guy. He's got a girl scared and shaking like a leaf and he's still just 'ew fillies' what in the what.
  215. >You (barely) resist the urge to dispense pain on him
  216. "DUDE! We're too old to think it's weird to touch fillies! At our age she's suppo- Wait... holy cow it's dark out here... Huh. Where's the freakin' moon!?"
  217. >The thought of Princess Luna being out cold for this long would shock you, if not for everything else that happened in the last 5 minutes of consciousness
  218. >Except Celestia could've done it for her, SOMEPONY must be awake in the palace or the sun would still be up!
  219. >"Uh... I think Cheerilee declared the moon a 'special needs student' and now it can't be out without a helmet and a minder- and I don't think Princess Luna's gonna be willing to go back up there."
  220. >Wat.jpg
  221. >How the buck does he-
  222. >Whatever. Deep Breath. Gotta get to Anon's farm.
  223.  
  224. >"You guys have been in the f-f-f-f-forest at night, right?" Dinky barely squeaks out
  225. "Wha- Oh yeah, I come out here all the time lately. Anon's house should be safe even if he's not home. He's got all sortsa crazy cool stuff if we need to defend against a siege."
  226. >"H-h-how will we get in? We can't just break in! That's-"
  227. "Dinky, relax, I'm like... an employee or something. Besides, Jerry can probably just get us in, he's at least as smart as Pinkie Pie most days!"
  228. >"BORF BORF!"
  229. "Oh. He says Anon and Trixie left on the 9am train and he has no clue how they're getting back or when since.. y'know... brutal coup and all."
  230. >Oh dang, even Snails is looking scared now
  231. >It's kind of weird, you didn't think he even had thoughts
  232. >Jerry is waddling away towards the farm
  233. >He's right!
  234. >Enough talking!
  235. >You resolve to take charge (excepting the dog already in the lead of course)
  236.  
  237. >ThePoniesAreGoingToIsengard.mp3
  238. >It's a pretty uneventful trip, now that the forest has a new apex predator in the form of a nice, old, weird guy who lives on a farm
  239. >Hey, you work for him, what does that make you?
  240. >A pony. You're still a pony, my guy
  241. >The farm is mostly unscathed, save for the colorful tents of a few ponies who also got outta town in time
  242. >Usually, camping on a neighbor's lawn because the town is uninhabitable is one of the most fun times of the year, but even that manages to be a mopey bad time tonight.
  243. >Hey, it's Carrot Top over there!
  244. >No Derpy, though- and Dinky's frown dropping all the way to the ground confirms that she noticed, too
  245. "Jerry! The ponies are over- what the heck do you want, dude?"
  246. >He's scratching insistently at the smallish barn stuck to the side of Anon's house
  247. >You've never been in that room, but Jerry thinks it'll help now?
  248.  
  249. -----
  250.  
  251. "Okay, okay, calm down, Jerry- we gotta grab the spare key first."
  252. >Anon did inform you of a spare key before, but either you weren't paying attention (likely) or he trusted you to infer where it was from common sense (also likely, if misguided)
  253. >Jerry is still fixated on the barn door, so he's no help
  254. >Unless what's in there is REALLY helpful, then he will have been of great help, but presently he is of no help vis a vis the obtaining of the key
  255. >Waaaait- right next to the front door, there's one of Anon's leg cover things
  256. >Turning it upside down, inspecting every crevice of this 'boot' is to no avail- there's no key inside, or under it, or even glued anywhere
  257. >You sit there with your thinking cap on for long enough that it's either sad or suspicious
  258. >Sadspicious! No, shut up, Pinkie!
  259. >Snails has yet again thrown away every stallion's dream by leaving the filly (who is practically exploding with cooties) with Carrot Top
  260. >"You found the key so what's the hold up, bup?"
  261. "I didn't find the key, what are you talking about?"
  262. >"That's clearly the key, give it here."
  263. >Snails swipes the boot with his magic before you can say anything, and starts smacking the bottom of it against the door
  264. "SNAILS! You're gonna break-"
  265. >The door opens smoothly without any visible damage, leaving a nice fat fried egg on your face
  266. >All five pony families immediately rush in with their sleeping bags
  267. >Everything is like you'd expect, minus some of the tools and the two current residents
  268. "I really hope Anon took or hid all his 'splodey stuff..."
  269. >Right, follow the dog nose- Jerry is now whining at Anon's bowl- or more likely, the jumble of keys in the bowl
  270. "WHY. Why are the spare keys inside the house!?"
  271. >Jerry insists insistently, and you take the keyring
  272. >Object get! But what does it-
  273. >Jerry took them and ran to the fancy barn door
  274. >You have no idea if he just can't do this stuff or if he's trained to wait for somepony to let him do stuff
  275. >He unlocks the door slightly faster than you'd expect, and- woah, it's not a barn door, it slides up into the roof! COOL!
  276. >Shoving the keys back in your face, he runs over and scratches at the...
  277. >Uh
  278. >The....
  279. >What the buck is that thing?
  280.  
  281. -----
  282.  
  283. >Okay, Jerry wants to use the wagon.... At least you think this is a wagon
  284. >Four wheels, general cart-like structure-
  285. >Weird shape though, and you don't see a hitch
  286. >Hold up. You tap the.. hull? Ground stuff has hulls, not just ships, right?
  287. >It's solid metal!? And the windows are glass!
  288. >How does one guy afford this? Why would one guy afford this? It's gotta be so heavy!
  289. >There can't be a single harness team in all of Equestria who could pull this thing more than a few paces.
  290. >Well, Jerry's going to wear his claws down to bloody nubs if you don't open that door-
  291. >Sure enough, the biggest key on the ring fits it- the one with a nice rubber cap
  292. >Why don't ponies do that?
  293. >The inside is even crazier, a big ship's wheel and a bunch of levers and weird arcade screens all over the dashboard
  294. >Jerry paws at a set of latches next to the captain's seat and climbs over to the other side
  295. >This is like Batmare's batmarebile, except she needed a team of bats to pull hers- how does this one work?
  296. >He's whining at a latched box he wants opened
  297. >You do so and nearly shit brix-
  298. "Jerry, what's that in your mouth?"
  299. >It looks an awful lot like one of those little cylinders on Anon's danger wall
  300. "JERRY, SPIT IT OUT!"
  301. >Jerry must have misheard you, for he instead shoots out of the cabin so fast that YOU get spit out of the WAGON
  302. "JERRY, THAT CAN'T BE FOOD!"
  303. >You suddenly remember you can understand him
  304. >You suddenly remember he knows this
  305. "JERRY! What the hay are we doing here!? Talk to me!"
  306. >He climbs down from a little door on the back of the thing, apparently having dumped that dangerous super-battery into a slot
  307. >"AROO!"
  308. "We can't go for a ride in this thing, we'd need a dragon to pull it! That.... does sound kinda cool, though."
  309. >"Bark."
  310. "What, like a train!?"
  311. >"Growl."
  312. "Dude, you can't make up stuff about the Sun, that's blasphemy"
  313. >"ARF!"
  314. "That's nuts. Next thing you'll tell me Anon can use electricity.... without..... clouds..... "
  315. >He looks more smug than 5 Rainbow Dashes
  316. "OK FINE, DANG IT! The stupid "car" just makes a freakin' sun inside of itself! Do you even know how to drive this thing!? I can't drive a train and a train only goes in one direction!"
  317. >"BARK"
  318. "Oh, yeah, I guess... yeah that makes sense. Well, how am I supposed to work all this crud? I can barely grab one thing at a time!"
  319. >"*yawn*"
  320. "Right.... Snails is like a zen master and we can also drag Dinky anywhere he goes.... So, we just crew this trackless locomotive, drive it out through the middle of the night- wait a minute how are we supposed to do tha-"
  321. >That plothead finishes what he's been doing this entire time, as the impossible complexities at this behemoth's heart roar to life
  322. >And all those giant bulbs shine day-bright light in every direction
  323. >Including your very open and night-adjusted eyes
  324. >You scream like a filly, which would be quite mortifying if not for you actually shooting straight past a filly's voice and screaming so high that only dogs can hear you
  325.  
  326. -----
  327.  
  328. "JERRY! That was right in my eyes!"
  329. >An embarrassed bark issues from the vehicle shortly before the lights flip off
  330. >It takes a good minute to blink away the afterimages, but you think your vision is mostly ok
  331. >Wait a sec, this thing can make light and go... well you don't know how fast, but probably not as fast as Anon can
  332. >You're gonna travel- AT NIGHT, all the way down to New Horseleans!
  333. >Well, it'll probably take a few days at the very least, but you won't have to stop anytime you don't want to!
  334. >This must be how pegasi, train conductors and cigar sellers feel all the time!
  335. >Alright
  336. >Crew!
  337. >It's gonna take at least two unicorns to drive this thing, let alone navigate or mare any of the wacky machines bolted all over it
  338. >You happen to have two unicorn friends!
  339.  
  340. >It sucks to admit Miss Twilight's right, but a checklist would be helpful here:
  341.  
  342. >Hire a crew (press-gang your friends)
  343. >Plot a course
  344. >Grab some emergency snackies
  345. >RIDE ETERNAL, PROTECTED AND SNUG
  346. >ON THE ROADS WHERE BEDTIME HATH NO DOMINION
  347. >THROUGH THE NIGHT, FEARLESS AND BOLD
  348. >LET ALL PONYKIND SMILE UPON YOU, AS YOU LAY YOUR HOOVES UPON UNSPEAKABLE POWER
  349. >"Protect the catalytic converter from brigands, liberals and DMV inspectors" - Jerry (transcribed and translated) (does this thing even need to convert anything? It's powered by a star!)
  350. >Pass through the wall of angry refugee ponies blocking the docking bay doors
  351.  
  352. >Wait, what?
  353. >"HEY, JERK! HOW COME YOU'RE LOOKING SO WELL-FED!? I HAD TO FEED MY SON KALE! KAAALE!"
  354. "Anon was right the whole time and I got free snackies for being the only pony to stop and listen and then I started helping him, it was this whole thing."
  355. >".....Okay, where is he?"
  356. "Just like that? You were gonna beat me up but now-"
  357. >"WHERE IS HE? I NEED SNACKIES! I'M NOT TOO PROUD TO BEG!"
  358. >"We can't mount a resistance without food! Haven't you ever seen any movie ever?"
  359. >"Shouldn't we see if Anon has an instruction manual for his farm equipment? We're already trespassing so it's not like commandeering stuff for a civil emergency would- oh, nopony is listening, ok."
  360. "Uh, he left for New Horseleans. He should be there by now, or almost, I dunno the train schedule."
  361. >"Oh. Guess we're all gonna starve. Thanks anyway, kid."
  362. >The mob shuffles back towards the farmhouse; you hear Berry Punch speaking over them: "STARVING IS BACK ON THE AGENDA! RUBY, no, you gotta look more pitiful than that! Your body's eating itself! At least be polite enough to let future adventurers know how sucky a way to die this is!"
  363.  
  364. >You briefly consider telling them The Big Plan, but maybe all this brain whiplash is bad for their hearts- best to just slip away.
  365. >Wait, no, your job is specifically helping Anon get ponies to not be dumb about this- you gotta do something!
  366. >Or not- looks like Anon took the science lab with him. Crud.
  367. >No time to waste. Get to work, captain.
  368.  
  369. -----
  370.  
  371. "So that's it- Two of us can fit in the driver seat and work the pedals and the wheel, while the third one navigates and works the other doohickeys. That should be you, Dinky-"
  372. >"Yep. Don't trust you guys with maps, got it."
  373. "Great- this thing can keep up with a train for a long time, but it's probably gonna take a few days since there's no roads big enough for this and we don't want to risk squishing a pony cause we couldn't slow down in time."
  374. >"And nighttime?"
  375. "We can keep going- it's got lamps that make Canterlot's streetlights look like crummy nightlights, and there's a bulb in the roof so you can still see the map. Even when we have to sleep, there's plenty of room in the wagon. It'll be like camping except our tent is the size of a house and goes vroom!"
  376. >".....What about....."
  377. "What about what?"
  378. >Her face is turning pink. "You know."
  379. "No, I really don't."
  380. >"You- UGH- Fillies don't talk about this stuff!"
  381. "OH! You mean poop?"
  382. >Her face turns furious red to match her expression
  383. "If you gotta poop I think there's crazy-bright cigars in the snackbox and we can flip the lights on and just not... watch...... ew, did you think I would watch you go-"
  384.  
  385. >This argument is mercifully broken when Snails sneaks in with suspiciously full bags
  386. >"Grabbed what I could outta Anon's fridge- it's all junk food but a lot of the bags say corn somewhere. Maybe it'll work almost as good."
  387. >Strange names litter the pile he's dumped into the wagon's back- "Doritos," "Cheetos," "Monster Energy," "Lunchable"
  388. >Several sleeves of peanut-butter crackers!
  389.  
  390. >Be Trixie
  391. >Feel a disturbance in the Force
  392. >Almost flub your lines for this show
  393. >Keep it together, mare!
  394.  
  395. >Be Snips
  396. >These are all wrapped in mystical, smooth and colorful... something
  397. >These must be from Anon's homeland, you're starting to feel bad about this, but-
  398. >No. He wanted to help, and you can't help him help if you keel over from hungies halfway out of Dodge
  399. "Snails, you... you did leave some for the others, right?"
  400. >"Duh. Guy has a whole shelf full of junky cheezy snax- I couldn't carry it all if I wanted to."
  401. "Cool. Leave some of those crackers for Trixie. Got a feeling she wants them, somehow."
  402.  
  403. >Be Trixie
  404. >Feel a sudden peace with the universe
  405. >All shall be well, at its appointed time
  406. >The little song and dance goes without any further hitches
  407.  
  408. -----

SCP-509: Equestria Buys a Dog

by woggs123

SCP-9000: Roomba

by woggs123

Misc SCPs

by woggs123

SCP-1225-OOF: Chimneys Are Pretty Dangerous

by woggs123

SCP-101: Mud Coffee

by woggs123