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Sweet Pony Dreams [PTFG]

By FajitasAnon
Created: 16th July 2021 09:31:33 PM
12th March 2021 05:01:15 PM

  1. "My name's Anonymous, and welcome to Cut-Rate Jackass!"
  2. >You've spent all day setting this up
  3. >A shopping cart that doesn't lock up when you take it
  4. >A highway next to a hill that looks busy enough to be dangerous but not actually busy enough to be 100% stupid
  5. >And a willing cameraman that not only wants to see you fail, but also wants to see you not die while failing
  6. >Thanks, Incognito.
  7. >"You're gonna eat shit, Anon. I'm calling it, the gravel halfway down the hill. Not even to the road."
  8. "Go fuck yourself, Incog, I got this."
  9. >Brotherly banter, who doesn't love it?
  10. "Now watch this shit!"
  11. >You get your running start, and with practiced precision, you jump into your cart
  12. >You were right to practice this part, it's a lot harder than it looks
  13. >Almost immediately, you're going faster than expected
  14. "Oh SHIIIIIIIIIIIIII-"
  15. >You fly past the gravel, speeds yet unheard of by lesser men with weaker hearts [spoiler]or the tiniest smidge of intelligence[/spoiler]
  16. >klaklaklaklaklaklak
  17. >The cart keeps getting louder and wobblier
  18. >But you can see it, the pavement
  19. >The part that'll sell your shit video to the masses, that'll make it so you just have to do stupid shit for money
  20. >"ANON, BAIL!"
  21. >You look back, expecting Incog's signature shit-eating grin
  22. >He has an expression you've never seen him wear before
  23. >Pure, unadulterated terror
  24. >You're confused of what could possibly make him so scared
  25. >And then it hits you
  26. >The world is dark
  27. >Huh, you figured it would be less cliché
  28. >"-ney? Hon? You okay?"
  29. >That's a new voice
  30. >Motherly, older
  31. >Oh fuck, you hope that's not a cute MILF who saw you splat on her car or something
  32. "Yeah, I'm okay. Feel a little weird though."
  33. >Not only is that not you saying that, that's not your voice
  34. >This one is much more saccharine, like a cold iced tea on a hot day
  35. >Your eyes open, and you see a light purple horse face in yours
  36. >You try to scream but your body doesn't obey
  37. >"Well, that's good. That frisbee hit you nice and hard on the noggin."
  38. >Oh fuck it's getting even weirder, the colorful horse is talking
  39. >And wearing glasses
  40. >And wearing her blonde mane in a bun
  41. >What the FUCK
  42. "Ay, ouch, I might have to see Nurse Redheart after all. My head hurts."
  43. >-And for some reason, I'm hearing a voice...-
  44. >Wait, you mean you can hear me?
  45. >-Nope, not talking to it, that's how it gets worse.-
  46. >"Well, Honey dear, do you need me to walk you?"
  47. >-It's better that you don't come with. Getting all worked up isn't good for a mare your age.-
  48. >What the fuck fuck fuckety fuck?
  49. >Mare? Why do you... huh?
  50. >What the hell am I? Why do I feel so wrong?
  51. "It's fine, Violet, I can walk myself. Don't need you getting all worked up about me."
  52. >"Well, if you say so, Honey. Tea again next week?"
  53. "Yep, next week. Maybe in a spot with less flying frisbees."
  54. >-A little humor should keep her off edge...-
  55. >Her? What about me?! Why am I hearing voices? Why are they calling me the voices?! Who the fuck are you?!
  56. >While you question the obvious problems here, you feel yourself get up, and start to walk
  57. >A feeling you've never had before courses through you, as a natural trot heads you away from Valley Violet
  58. >Huh, that's weird, you just... suddenly knew that name
  59. >HOLD THE FUCK UP
  60. >EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS WEIRD
  61. >WHERE'S INCOG? WHAT ABOUT THAT CAR? WHY ARE HORSES TALKING?
  62. "Ah, sheesh, stop yelling... voice? It's giving me a headache."
  63. >AND WHO AM I- YOU- US- WHAT?!
  64. "I can't believe I'm introducing myself to the voices in my head like some crazy pony. I'm Honeyed Dreams."
  65. >Deep, internal breaths. Hi, I'm Anonymous, and I think I'm having a crazy coma dream where I'm trapped in a talking horse's body.
  66. "And I've been hit so hard in the head that I think there's somepony in it."

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