Sweet Pony Dreams [PTFG]


                                            "My name's Anonymous, and welcome to Cut-Rate Jackass!"

                                            >You've spent all day setting this up

                                            >A shopping cart that doesn't lock up when you take it

                                            >A highway next to a hill that looks busy enough to be dangerous but not actually busy enough to be 100% stupid

                                            >And a willing cameraman that not only wants to see you fail, but also wants to see you not die while failing

                                            >Thanks, Incognito.

                                            >"You're gonna eat shit, Anon. I'm calling it, the gravel halfway down the hill. Not even to the road."

                                            "Go fuck yourself, Incog, I got this."

                                            >Brotherly banter, who doesn't love it?

                                            "Now watch this shit!"

                                            >You get your running start, and with practiced precision, you jump into your cart

                                            >You were right to practice this part, it's a lot harder than it looks

                                            >Almost immediately, you're going faster than expected

                                            "Oh SHIIIIIIIIIIIIII-"

                                            >You fly past the gravel, speeds yet unheard of by lesser men with weaker hearts [spoiler]or the tiniest smidge of intelligence[/spoiler]

                                            >klaklaklaklaklaklak

                                            >The cart keeps getting louder and wobblier

                                            >But you can see it, the pavement

                                            >The part that'll sell your shit video to the masses, that'll make it so you just have to do stupid shit for money

                                            >"ANON, BAIL!"

                                            >You look back, expecting Incog's signature shit-eating grin

                                            >He has an expression you've never seen him wear before

                                            >Pure, unadulterated terror

                                            >You're confused of what could possibly make him so scared

                                            >And then it hits you

                                            >The world is dark

                                            >Huh, you figured it would be less cliché

                                            >"-ney? Hon? You okay?"

                                            >That's a new voice

                                            >Motherly, older

                                            >Oh fuck, you hope that's not a cute MILF who saw you splat on her car or something

                                            "Yeah, I'm okay. Feel a little weird though."

                                            >Not only is that not you saying that, that's not your voice

                                            >This one is much more saccharine, like a cold iced tea on a hot day

                                            >Your eyes open, and you see a light purple horse face in yours

                                            >You try to scream but your body doesn't obey

                                            >"Well, that's good. That frisbee hit you nice and hard on the noggin."

                                            >Oh fuck it's getting even weirder, the colorful horse is talking

                                            >And wearing glasses

                                            >And wearing her blonde mane in a bun

                                            >What the FUCK

                                            "Ay, ouch, I might have to see Nurse Redheart after all. My head hurts."

                                            >-And for some reason, I'm hearing a voice...-

                                            >Wait, you mean you can hear me?

                                            >-Nope, not talking to it, that's how it gets worse.-

                                            >"Well, Honey dear, do you need me to walk you?"

                                            >-It's better that you don't come with. Getting all worked up isn't good for a mare your age.-

                                            >What the fuck fuck fuckety fuck?

                                            >Mare? Why do you... huh?

                                            >What the hell am I? Why do I feel so wrong?

                                            "It's fine, Violet, I can walk myself. Don't need you getting all worked up about me."

                                            >"Well, if you say so, Honey. Tea again next week?"

                                            "Yep, next week. Maybe in a spot with less flying frisbees."

                                            >-A little humor should keep her off edge...-

                                            >Her? What about me?! Why am I hearing voices? Why are they calling me the voices?! Who the fuck are you?!

                                            >While you question the obvious problems here, you feel yourself get up, and start to walk

                                            >A feeling you've never had before courses through you, as a natural trot heads you away from Valley Violet

                                            >Huh, that's weird, you just... suddenly knew that name

                                            >HOLD THE FUCK UP

                                            >EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS WEIRD

                                            >WHERE'S INCOG? WHAT ABOUT THAT CAR? WHY ARE HORSES TALKING?

                                            "Ah, sheesh, stop yelling... voice? It's giving me a headache."

                                            >AND WHO AM I- YOU- US- WHAT?!

                                            "I can't believe I'm introducing myself to the voices in my head like some crazy pony. I'm Honeyed Dreams."

                                            >Deep, internal breaths. Hi, I'm Anonymous, and I think I'm having a crazy coma dream where I'm trapped in a talking horse's body.

                                            "And I've been hit so hard in the head that I think there's somepony in it."