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Alone Together

By InkSlinger
Created: 2025-03-23 05:04:57
Updated: 2025-08-11 21:57:06
Expiry: Never
twilight sparkleromancewipderpymayor mareaieanonstallionhopeless magic

  1. 1.
    Part I:
  2. 2.
    >You gulp nervously and take a step closer towards the town square.
  3. 3.
    >Today's the day.
  4. 4.
    >The other townsponies glance your way for a brief moment before returning to their business.
  5. 5.
    >The day you move into Ponyville.
  6. 6.
    >A fruit vendor calls out to you, eager for her first sale of the morning.
  7. 7.
    >The day you officially join equestrian society.
  8. 8.
    >You stop to buy some apples and place them in your weathered saddlebags.
  9. 9.
    >The day you can finally feel...NORMAL.
  10. 10.
    >You reach the town hall where a tan mare with white hair happily greets you.
  11. 11.
    >"Hello there! Welcome to Ponyville!"
  12. 12.
    >She trots up to you and extends a hoof.
  13. 13.
    >"I'm Mayor Mare, the mayor of this happy little town!
  14. 14.
    "Hi, I'm Anonymous." You reply while shaking her hoof. "But you can call me Anon."
  15. 15.
    >Normally you'd bumble through conversations like this, but today is special.
  16. 16.
    >"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Mous!" She exclaims.
  17. 17.
    >Damnit, you told her to call you Anon!
  18. 18.
    >"I take it you're ready?" She asks after eyeing your saddlebags.
  19. 19.
    >You nod with a smile.
  20. 20.
    >"Splendid!" She clops her hooves together.
  21. 21.
    >The kind mare guides you through the maze of happy cottages and shops until you're standing in front of the old town windmill.
  22. 22.
    >"Here she is!" The mayor exclaims.
  23. 23.
    >You look the place over and physically cringe.
  24. 24.
    >The door is faded and full of cracks.
  25. 25.
    >The windmill's blades crack and groan as they struggle to rotate.
  26. 26.
    >Hell, the entire building looks like a remnant of the last pony war!
  27. 27.
    "Well, it's uh, very....rustic?" You scratch your chin.
  28. 28.
    >Words fail to adequately describe the state of this absolute trainwreck of a structure.
  29. 29.
    >"Oh, wait until you see the interior!" The mayor happily hops in place.
  30. 30.
    >Mayor Mare grabs the key hanging around her neck and unlocks the door.
  31. 31.
    >*GROOOOAAAAANNNN*
  32. 32.
    >Holy bits, it sounds like this place is ready to crumble!
  33. 33.
    >You duck for cover in a nearby bush, earning a playful chuckle from the old mare.
  34. 34.
    >"Oh my, did something spook you?" She asks.
  35. 35.
    >You frantically shake your head.
  36. 36.
    >Don't get cold hooves now, you bleedin' idiot!
  37. 37.
     
  38. 38.
    Part II:
  39. 39.
    >You cautiously follow Mayor Mare into the old windmill, its old floorboards creaking with every hoofstep.
  40. 40.
    >The mayor stops and directs your attention towards a large room at the end of the entryway.
  41. 41.
    >"This is the living room, perfect for those cozy little get-togethers with friends!"
  42. 42.
    >You look around the rundown room in disbelief.
  43. 43.
    >The floorboards are warped and splintered.
  44. 44.
    >The curtains are torn and tattered.
  45. 45.
    >The sofa is covered in dust and exposed springs.
  46. 46.
    >The windows are muddy and dark.
  47. 47.
    >Cozy for who exactly? Zombies? Ghosts?
  48. 48.
    >The cheerful mare then trots past a winding set of stairs to the adjacent room.
  49. 49.
    >"And this is the kitchen!" She declares.
  50. 50.
    >Worn appliances huddle atop a grungy countertop while an old refrigerator hums against the opposite wall.
  51. 51.
    >The stove is rusted with its door hanging open, revealing a small nest of mice among the debris.
  52. 52.
    >You'll definitely be ordering takeout for the foreseeable future.
  53. 53.
    >The more you see of this old place, the more you regret buying it.
  54. 54.
    >You force a smile to avoid hurting the old mare's feelings.
  55. 55.
    >After all, it's not like she was the one who ran this dump into the ground.
  56. 56.
    >The mayor squees with delight at your reaction and continues the tour.
  57. 57.
    >"And up here you'll find all the comforts of home."
  58. 58.
    >Your ears perk up at the sounds of soft grunts floating down from the second floor.
  59. 59.
    >Sounds like the poor mare and stairs don't get along very well.
  60. 60.
    >You quickly trot upstairs after her and find yourself in a small windowless hallway lined with three doors.
  61. 61.
    >Beyond the third door lies another, smaller set of stairs leading up to a dark room that's hard to make out.
  62. 62.
    >"Phew! That counts as my workout for the day!" The mayor says in a huff.
  63. 63.
    >You can't help but giggle at her joke.
  64. 64.
    >"Y-You're too kind, Mr. Mous..."
  65. 65.
    >The mare blushes and nervously plays with her gray mane.
  66. 66.
    >"A-Anyhoo...this is the master bedroom!"
  67. 67.
    >She quickly points to the faded blue door next to you.
  68. 68.
    >The door almost flies off of its broken hinges as the two of you walk into the room.
  69. 69.
    >She flips a switch on the nearby wall, flooding the room with a dim yellow light.
  70. 70.
    >Your jaw drops.
  71. 71.
     
  72. 72.
    Part III:
  73. 73.
    >You see a large red bed sitting in the middle of the room.
  74. 74.
    >The windows are clean and adorned with navy blue curtains.
  75. 75.
    >Beautifully crafted wooden furniture lines the east and west walls.
  76. 76.
    >The carpeting is vibrant and soft to the touch.
  77. 77.
    >There isn't a thing out of place anywhere in the area.
  78. 78.
    >Aside from a thick layer of dust, this room is immaculate!
  79. 79.
    >You turn to the mayor and stare at her with jaw hanging open.
  80. 80.
    "How-?" You gasp.
  81. 81.
    >"How what, Mr. Anon?" She asks in confusion.
  82. 82.
    "How is this room so perfect when the downstairs looks like a-?!"
  83. 83.
    >You stop short at the sight of tears forming in the old mayor's eyes.
  84. 84.
    "Erm, w-when the downstairs areas look so dirty?" You quickly divert your train of thought.
  85. 85.
    >The mayor sighs and turns towards the window.
  86. 86.
    >"It's a long story." She confesses. "I wouldn't want to bore you with the silly details."
  87. 87.
    >Okay, now she's DEFINITELY provoking your curiosity.
  88. 88.
    "Tell me." You firmly respond.
  89. 89.
    >The mare removes her glasses to look at the outside scenery.
  90. 90.
    >"Once upon a time, a happy young couple moved into this windmill."
  91. 91.
    >You stand by her side and pretend to look out the window.
  92. 92.
    >"They were the sweetest lovers anypony had ever met, 'a match made in heaven' one might say."
  93. 93.
    >Her voice suddenly drops to a whisper of sorts, compelling you to move closer.
  94. 94.
    >"But one day something terrible happened."
  95. 95.
    >Sheesh, what's with that cryptic undertone?
  96. 96.
    "Well? What happened, Ms. Mare?"
  97. 97.
    >She takes a deep breath and steels herself.
  98. 98.
    >"One day, the stallion left without a word."
  99. 99.
    >You swear she's fighting back sniffles as she speaks.
  100. 100.
    >"The poor mare was *hic* heartbroken." She continues.
  101. 101.
    >"As the days turned into weeks, weeks into months, she realized her husband was *sniffle* never coming back..."
  102. 102.
    >You hand the sniffling mayor a tissue.
  103. 103.
    >"Thank you, dear." She squeaks while blowing her nose.
  104. 104.
     
  105. 105.
    Part IV:
  106. 106.
    >"The town knew right away that something was wrong." She continued. "M-Myself included of course."
  107. 107.
    >The afternoon sun washes over her face through the window.
  108. 108.
    >"At first the mare frantically searched every street in Ponyville, desperate to find any trace of her beloved."
  109. 109.
    >She wipes her eyes and places a hoof on the window pane.
  110. 110.
    >"But everypony she asked said they hadn't seen him." The mare bites her quivering lip. "It was as though he vanished from the world altogether."
  111. 111.
    >You feel a chill running down your spine, mainly because nopony ever mentioned that Equestria was h-haunted!
  112. 112.
    >"The mare eventually gave up her search and sold this old place back to the town."
  113. 113.
    >Why does it feel like she's still hiding something?
  114. 114.
    >"As for the mare, she was never quite the same."
  115. 115.
    >The mare slowly turns to face you and forces a smile.
  116. 116.
    >"Oh my gracious, you must be bored to death hearing such a...silly stor-"
  117. 117.
    >You wrap your hooves around the startled mare and hug her close.
  118. 118.
    >Mayor Mare's eyes widen in surprise, but soon she's returning the favor with a snuggle of her own.
  119. 119.
    >"Mmmm...." She coos.
  120. 120.
    >You feel a wet spot on your neck where her head now rests.
  121. 121.
    >It's not like you to dish up compassion to ponies you just met, but deep down you know she needs this.
  122. 122.
    >Judging by her reactions, Ms. Mare knows she needs this as well.
  123. 123.
    >After what feels like hours, the mare reluctantly breaks off the embrace and stares at you in amazement.
  124. 124.
    >"Anon, I-"
  125. 125.
    >She struggles to form the right words, unintentionally dragging the two of you into an awkward silence.
  126. 126.
    "It's okay, Mayor." You reassure her. "I think I understand now."
  127. 127.
    >The mayor's face turns beet red as she begins to realize the gravity of the situation.
  128. 128.
    >"Was it that obvious?"
  129. 129.
    >You nod.
  130. 130.
    >"Then I've said too much." She sighs.
  131. 131.
    >Your ears perk up at the sound of a clock chiming four times in a row.
  132. 132.
    >"Good heavens, is that the time?!"
  133. 133.
    >Mayor Mare looks at the clock and begins to panic.
  134. 134.
    >"I still have to review the new trade proposal!"
  135. 135.
    >You raise a hoof to try and calm her down, but the mare is already galloping downstairs.
  136. 136.
    >The mayor reaches your front door and practically rips the poor thing from its hinges.
  137. 137.
    >"EEEK! I've also forgotten about Princess Celestia's royal visit this weekend!"
  138. 138.
    >The mare is two hooves out the door before you manage to catch up to her.
  139. 139.
    "Thank you for the home tour, Ms. Mare."
  140. 140.
    >She stops in her tracks, seemingly aware of the reason she came to visit in the first place.
  141. 141.
    >"Y-You're very welcome." She replies. "If there's anything you need, please don't hesitate to ask."
  142. 142.
    "Of course." You calmly reply. "Oh, and Mayor?"
  143. 143.
    >"Yes, Anon?"
  144. 144.
    "If you ever want to talk, I'm here."
  145. 145.
    >The frazzled mare thanks you with a warm smile and shuts the door behind her.
  146. 146.
    >Silence falls upon the windmill, but you no longer feel alone in this world.
  147. 147.
     
  148. 148.
    Part V:
  149. 149.
    >The next few weeks are a blur of unpacking, getting to know your new neighbors, and cleanup.
  150. 150.
    >Lots and lots of cleanup.
  151. 151.
    >With a little help from the townsponies, you were able to get the old mill up and running again.
  152. 152.
    >Turns out that things like flour and gravel are fast-selling commodities in this world.
  153. 153.
    >Thanks to the mayor's new trade deal, you were able to ship your goods out to all four corners of Equestria without too much trouble (or tax).
  154. 154.
    >Life is good, if not a tad lonely at times.
  155. 155.
    >There's no shortage of beautiful mares living here to woo, but your mind (and heart) continue drifting towards one particular mare.
  156. 156.
    >The sun sets on the horizon just as you finish up the last of the house cleaning.
  157. 157.
    >Its fading radiance bathes the entire town in a cozy swirl of orange and pink hues, a romantic sight if you've ever seen one.
  158. 158.
    >It's almost as if Celestia herself is subtly telling you what needs to be done.
  159. 159.
    >You enter Town Hall with a renewed vigor, eager to see a certain mayor about some personal business.
  160. 160.
    >*KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK*
  161. 161.
    >Your shaky green hoof taps on the door leading to Mayor Mare's office.
  162. 162.
    >Wait a minute, why are your hooves shaking?!
  163. 163.
    >Frazzled nerves were supposed to be a thing of the past!
  164. 164.
    >The seeds of doubt quickly begin to take root in your mind.
  165. 165.
    >What if you're not the mayor's type?
  166. 166.
    >What if you do something stupid?
  167. 167.
    >What if she only sees you as an acquaintance?
  168. 168.
    >What if she's already seeing somepony?
  169. 169.
    >What if she's not as nice as she seems?
  170. 170.
    >WHAT IF SHE SAYS 'NO'?
  171. 171.
    >WhAt iF-
  172. 172.
    >"Anon?"
  173. 173.
    >A soft voice snaps you out of the rabbit hole, causing you to stumble backwards in surprise.
  174. 174.
    >Mayor Mare stands in the doorway of her office with a concerned expression on her face.
  175. 175.
    >"May I...help you?" She asks.
  176. 176.
    >Ah bits, you're already off to a great start.
  177. 177.
    >You resist the urge to facehoof and clear your throat.
  178. 178.
     
  179. 179.
    Part VI:
  180. 180.
    "Uh, hi there, Mayor Mare." You smile a bit too intensely. "N-Nice day today huh?"
  181. 181.
    >If you had pockets, they would be spilling over with spaghetti right about now.
  182. 182.
    >What the buck is happening?!
  183. 183.
    >"Why yes, it was a beautiful day." The mare stares at you awkwardly. "Did you need something?"
  184. 184.
    >The fear of rejection has you freezing in place.
  185. 185.
    >Come on, it's not that hard to ask a mare out.
  186. 186.
    >USE YOUR WORDS!
  187. 187.
    >The mayor locks up her office and tries to avoid staring at your dumbstruck face.
  188. 188.
    >"It's getting rather late, perhaps we can discuss what's on your mind tomorrow?"
  189. 189.
    >Mayor Mare steps out into the town square and beckons you with an impatient hoof.
  190. 190.
    >Your ears droop.
  191. 191.
    >Your heart pounds in your chest.
  192. 192.
    >Sweat begins dripping down the sides of your head.
  193. 193.
    >This golden opportunity is slipping through your hooves!
  194. 194.
    >You quickly gallop over to the mayor's side as she begins to lock up town hall for the night.
  195. 195.
    >Accursed words, why do they fail you in this crucial hour of need?!
  196. 196.
    >"Well, it's been...interesting...chatting with you Anon, but I need to head home-"
  197. 197.
    >It's now or never, make your choice.
  198. 198.
    "WAAAAAAIIIIT!"
  199. 199.
    >Your thunderous neigh almost knocks the frightened lady onto her rump.
  200. 200.
    >A wise pony always did say that confronting your fears head on is the best way to overcome them.
  201. 201.
    "M-Mayor Mare, please forgive me for shouting."
  202. 202.
    >You take a deep breath and slowly approach her.
  203. 203.
    "But I need to ask you something."
  204. 204.
    >The poor mare is still shaking like a leaf, but ultimately agrees to hear you out.
  205. 205.
    >You look her right in the eye.
  206. 206.
    "Miss Mare, would you like to have dinner with....m-me?"
  207. 207.
    >The mayor's jaw drops at the implications of your question.
  208. 208.
    >"What did you...s-say?" She asks in a trembling voice.
  209. 209.
     
  210. 210.
    Part VII:
  211. 211.
    "I said: would you like to go out to dinner with me?" You ask again.
  212. 212.
    >The mayor stumbles to her hooves and stares at you as though you've grown a second head.
  213. 213.
    >You stand there eagerly waiting for the mare's answer.
  214. 214.
    >Your burst of confidence begins to dwindle with each passing moment of silence.
  215. 215.
    >Why doesn't she say something?!
  216. 216.
    >Mayor Mare suddenly takes a few steps forward until her face is mere inches away from your own.
  217. 217.
    >"You sure know how to flatter this old mare, Anon." She giggles. "But I'm afraid I have to decline."
  218. 218.
    "Huh? W-Why not?"
  219. 219.
    >You don't even try to hide the hurt in your voice.
  220. 220.
    >The mare forces a smile, but it ultimately fails to soften the blow.
  221. 221.
    >"It's nothing personal, Anon." She sighs. "It's just that, well, I-I'm simply not ready to date again."
  222. 222.
    >Your heart sinks into the pit of your stomach.
  223. 223.
    "Oh."
  224. 224.
    >She places a hoof on your face.
  225. 225.
    >"I'm sure a handsome stallion like you could easily find a younger, prettier mare to ask out."
  226. 226.
    >She picks up her saddlebags and heads for the bridge behind you.
  227. 227.
    >"Goodnight Anon."
  228. 228.
    >Mayor Mare waves to you before disappearing over the bridge leading to her home.
  229. 229.
    >Tears stream down your face.
  230. 230.
    >She said no.
  231. 231.
    >Your legs twitch.
  232. 232.
    >SHE SAID NO.
  233. 233.
    >Your spine tingles.
  234. 234.
    >SHE SAID NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
  235. 235.
    >Soon you're galloping back to the old windmill with the intent of NEVER leaving it again.
  236. 236.
     
  237. 237.
    Part VIII:
  238. 238.
    >What went wrong?
  239. 239.
    >You toss and turn in bed as the morning sun warms your face.
  240. 240.
    >WHAT THE BUCK WENT WRONG?
  241. 241.
    >You want to lay in this bed for the rest of time, but the sun continues its relentless assault upon your body.
  242. 242.
    >With a grunt of effort, you drag yourself out of bed and head for the bathroom.
  243. 243.
    >Did you come on too strong? Were you too blunt? DID YOU FORGET TO WEAR COLOGNE?
  244. 244.
    >*DING DONG*
  245. 245.
    >Oh bits, not now!
  246. 246.
    >You race downstairs to see who dares to interrupt your rejection crisis.
  247. 247.
    >"H..llo? Mr...M...us?" A muffled voice calls out in between knocks.
  248. 248.
    >You sigh and unlock the door to find a pink earth pony mare wearing a pilot hat.
  249. 249.
    >"Oh, there you are!" She grins ear to ear. "Good morning Mr. Mous!"
  250. 250.
    "Good morning, Cherry Berry." You do your best to sound pleasant. "And please, call me 'Anon'."
  251. 251.
    >The cheerful mare's smile disappears after looking you over.
  252. 252.
    >"Gosh, you don't look so good! Is everything okay?" She asks tenderly.
  253. 253.
    >You turn to the conveniently-placed mirror in the entryway and gasp.
  254. 254.
    >The vibrant green coat and black mane/tail combo you used to know are now pale and faded.
  255. 255.
    >You turn to Cherry Berry and whinny in a nervous manner.
  256. 256.
    "What's happening to me?!" You cry out.
  257. 257.
    >"You might be coming down with something." Cherry Berry quickly steps back. "Wait, are you contagious?!"
  258. 258.
    "How would I know?!" You snap back.
  259. 259.
    >Of all the days to get sick, it has to be on a delivery day?!
  260. 260.
    "Don't worry about me right now."
  261. 261.
    >You dash past her and load up the wagon with today's deliveries.
  262. 262.
    "We have a schedule to keep."
  263. 263.
    >Cherry Berry scurries over and hitches herself to the wagon.
  264. 264.
    "This load's destination is Hope Hollow."
  265. 265.
    >You scribble out a receipt and stick it to the cargo.
  266. 266.
    >Cherry Berry performs a cute little salute and begins trotting towards her hot air balloon.
  267. 267.
    "Goodbye Mr. Mous!" She waves to you. "I hope you feel better soooooon~!"
  268. 268.
    >You wave back and watch her disappear among the crowds of ponies.
  269. 269.
    >"Dangit Cherry, I told you to call me 'Anon'." You mutter with a soft chuckle.
  270. 270.
     
  271. 271.
    Part IX:
  272. 272.
    >With the day's first delivery squared away, you pack a few things and head for the hospital.
  273. 273.
    >The townsponies stop to gawk at you and murmur amongst themselves as you trot through the streets.
  274. 274.
    >Geez, is your condition THAT noticeable?!
  275. 275.
    >You blush with annoyance and try to avoid eye contact until reaching the hospital entrance.
  276. 276.
    >Hopefully the medical staff can offer more compassion than your fellow villagers.
  277. 277.
    >You take one step into the lobby and all tartarus breaks loose.
  278. 278.
    >The sick and injured ponies begin to panic and stampede all over the place.
  279. 279.
    >Nurses pour in from every hallway and whisk you away to the emergency room.
  280. 280.
    >Doctors quickly form a defensive line and try to calm the crowd down before somepony gets hurt.
  281. 281.
    >You're ushered into a dimly-lit doctor's office, where a white mare waits patiently.
  282. 282.
    >"Please have a seat, sir." She softly commands. "We need to get started right away.
  283. 283.
    >She motions towards a nearby examination table.
  284. 284.
    >Without a word, you quickly shuffle onto the cold slab of steel and wait.
  285. 285.
    >"I am Nurse Redheart, the head nurse of this hospital wing."
  286. 286.
    "Hello..." You nervously reply.
  287. 287.
    >There's just something about doctors and nurses that give you the chills.
  288. 288.
    >Could be their ice cold stethoscopes.
  289. 289.
    >Could be the sharp needles they stab into your bare flesh.
  290. 290.
    >It could even be the way they're so unnaturally stoic in the face of medical emergencies.
  291. 291.
    >"Can you please describe the events leading up to your, erm, unique medical condition?"
  292. 292.
    >The nurse pulls out a notepad and prepares to record your testimony.
  293. 293.
    "Well, it all started when-" You begin.
  294. 294.
    >*POOF*
  295. 295.
    >You're immediately sent flying off the table by some kind of magic explosion.
  296. 296.
    >The nurse screams and runs for cover with her assistants.
  297. 297.
    >When the dust settles, you see a purple alicorn mare standing tall in the center of the room.
  298. 298.
    >She takes one look at you and squees with delight.
  299. 299.
    >"Yes! I KNEW I'd find you here!" She exclaimed.
  300. 300.
    >You cock your head in a mix of surprise and confusion.
  301. 301.
    "Princess T-Twilight?" You stammer. "What are you doing here?"
  302. 302.
     
  303. 303.
    Part X:
  304. 304.
    >"Isn't it obvious?" She points at your faded coat.
  305. 305.
    >Oh right your fading sickness, or whatever this is.
  306. 306.
    "I appreciate your concern, but why would the royal family worry over a plain commoner like me?"
  307. 307.
    >Princess Twilight sighs and steps closer towards you.
  308. 308.
    >"What do you mean?" She narrows her eyes. "Should a princess NOT show concern for her subjects?"
  309. 309.
    >Your ears droop as the gravity of your foolish words begin to set in.
  310. 310.
    "I'm sorry Princess, that was a stupid question to ask."
  311. 311.
    >You stare at the ground to avoid her piercing gaze.
  312. 312.
    >The last thing you need is to be banished to Tartarus or turned into stone.
  313. 313.
    >"It's okay, Anonymous." The purple horse smiles. "Let's focus on healing you."
  314. 314.
    >She poofs a book out of thin air and carefully reads through a bookmarked section.
  315. 315.
    "But Princess, what kind of sickness is this exactly?"
  316. 316.
    >You tug at your faded coat, hopeful that the princess can find a cure in her book.
  317. 317.
    >Twilight shakes her head and steps closer towards you.
  318. 318.
    >"Anonymous, you're not suffering from any kind of medical illness."
  319. 319.
    >Nurse Redheart pokes her head out from behind the makeshift barricade.
  320. 320.
    "What do you mean, your highness?"
  321. 321.
    >Yes, what DOES Princess Twilight mean by not calling this a typical sickness?
  322. 322.
    >You and Nurse Redheart gather around Princess Twilight and anxiously wait for her response.
  323. 323.
    >"The origins of your affliction are not biological, but instead MAGICAL."
  324. 324.
    >Wait, you're sick with some kind of MAGIC? How is that even possible?!
  325. 325.
    "I-I don't understand Princess..." Your voice trails off.
  326. 326.
    >"My friends and I once traveled to a town full of ponies that were faded just like you."
  327. 327.
    >Twilight turns the book around to show you an illustration depicting ponies with faded color schemes in a small town.
  328. 328.
    >"We searched high and low to try and find out what was causing this strange epidemic."
  329. 329.
    >You lean in closer with the eagerness of a young colt listening to his parents' wild stories.
  330. 330.
    "Did you find out?"
  331. 331.
    >The princess nods and poofs the book out of existence.
  332. 332.
    >"Hope." The princess responds. "Or rather, the lack of it."
  333. 333.
    >Your eyes widen in surprise.
  334. 334.
    "Hopelessness, your majesty?"
  335. 335.
    >"That is correct, dear Anonymous."
  336. 336.
     
  337. 337.
    Part XI:
  338. 338.
    >"The official term is 'Hopeless Magic'." She continues.
  339. 339.
    >Your thoughts immediately drift back to the events that unfolded last night.
  340. 340.
    >Asking Mayor Mare out to dinner was indeed supposed to instill hope in your heart.
  341. 341.
    >Unfortunately, that hope was quickly killed and buried when she said no.
  342. 342.
    >It's all coming together, and you don't like the implications.
  343. 343.
    >"Do you understand now, my dear subject?" The princess asks in a soft voice.
  344. 344.
    >You nod.
  345. 345.
    >"Good."
  346. 346.
    >Princess Twilight places a hoof on your shoulder.
  347. 347.
    >"Hopeless magic is a terrible thing, Anonymous."
  348. 348.
    >Tears begin running down the purple mare's cheeks.
  349. 349.
    >"NOPONY should ever have to experience it."
  350. 350.
    >Damn, this IS serious if it's making a princess cry!
  351. 351.
    >"Oh dear, would you look at the time?"
  352. 352.
    >Nurse Redheart giggles nervously and glances at her bare wrist.
  353. 353.
    >"I have to get back to my rounds! Please excuse me, your highness!"
  354. 354.
    >The frazzled nurse bows to the princess makes a quick exit along with her assistants.
  355. 355.
    >"Farewell Princess Twilight! Anonymous!"
  356. 356.
    >Her voice trails off as the door closes, leaving you and the princess in a deafening silence.
  357. 357.
    "Give it to me straight Princess, what's the cure for this hopeless magic stuff?" You ask bluntly.
  358. 358.
    >"Anonymous-"
  359. 359.
    "Please, call me Anon." You interrupt. "Everypony else does."
  360. 360.
    >"Very well, Anon."
  361. 361.
    >Twilight clears her throat and steps back.
  362. 362.
    >"Anon, there is no magical cure for your condition."
  363. 363.
    >You utter a whinny of distress and begin to panic.
  364. 364.
    >There's no hope for you now, it's all over but the funeral!
  365. 365.
    >"Wait Anon, please calm down!" The princess cries.
  366. 366.
    >You ignore her and begin to gallop around the room as though you've lost your mind.
  367. 367.
    >What's the point of living now?!
  368. 368.
    >You can practically FEEL what little hope remains actively draining from your soul.
  369. 369.
     
  370. 370.
    Part XII:
  371. 371.
    >Furniture and medical equipment fly in every direction as you continue your distressed rampage.
  372. 372.
    >Your life is over.
  373. 373.
    >"Anon..."
  374. 374.
    >No self-respecting mare will ever want you now.
  375. 375.
    >"ANON!"
  376. 376.
    >You didn't even get to see Saddle Arabia-
  377. 377.
    >"NEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIGHNOOOON!"
  378. 378.
    >Your body freezes in place after a hoof stomp sends powerful purple shockwaves through the room.
  379. 379.
    >The princess' powerful alicorn magic sends you flying through the air until you're once again standing before her.
  380. 380.
    >"Anon PLEASE, calm down..."
  381. 381.
    >You try to focus somewhere else, but the magic forces you to look directly at her.
  382. 382.
    >The mare's eyes are ablaze with a mix of concern and irritation.
  383. 383.
    >Oh bits.
  384. 384.
    >"I want to help you, Anon." She sits on her hindquarters. "But I need to know one thing first."
  385. 385.
    >Her magic dissipates, dropping you on your own butt.
  386. 386.
    >"Why did you lose hope?"
  387. 387.
    >Now it's YOUR turn to cry.
  388. 388.
    >She leans in expectantly, seemingly eager to hear what ails you.
  389. 389.
    >You take a deep breath and gather your thoughts.
  390. 390.
    >If a literal princess wants to know what's wrong, then you're going to tell her exactly what's wrong.
  391. 391.
    "I asked a mare out yesterday, and she rejected me."
  392. 392.
    >Twilight blinks in disbelief, much to your dismay.
  393. 393.
    >"That's it?" The princess chuckles. "And here I thought it was something serious!"
  394. 394.
    >Princess Twilight gasps as your colors fade again, leaving you almost completely monochrome.
  395. 395.
    >You should've known she wouldn't understand.
  396. 396.
    >The royal family must be DROWNING in suitors on any given day.
  397. 397.
    >For peasants such as yourself however, finding a good mate just isn't that easy.
  398. 398.
     
  399. 399.
    Part XIII:
  400. 400.
    >"Finding a marefriend is really that important to you?"
  401. 401.
    "Yes."
  402. 402.
    >You look her square in the eye and snort.
  403. 403.
    "It's every stallion's goal to find a nice mare and settle down, y'know?"
  404. 404.
    >Princess Twilight is taken aback by your heartfelt response.
  405. 405.
    "To love and cherish her every single day, to give her as many foals as she wants..."
  406. 406.
    >Your train of thought crashes as HEARTS begin to form in the flustered princess' eyes.
  407. 407.
    >Twilight bites her lip and turns around, presenting her bare purple rump in all its regal glory.
  408. 408.
    >"P-Perhaps I can help you with that, just for today?"
  409. 409.
    >It doesn't take long for you to become painfully erect after seeing such a shameless display of marebits.
  410. 410.
    >Your primal instincts kick into overdrive, tempting you to rut this (admittedly beautiful) mare.
  411. 411.
    >What sane stallion WOULDN'T mate with a princess if given the chance?
  412. 412.
    >Your heart however, says the exact opposite.
  413. 413.
    >You shake your head and step away from Princess Twilight.
  414. 414.
    "I appreciate the offer, Princess." You reply. "But I want a future wife, not a one night stand."
  415. 415.
    >"Oh, I...see..."
  416. 416.
    >Twilight turns to face you and immediately loses herself in thought.
  417. 417.
    >Oh no, what other harebrained schemes is she concocting in that royal head of hers?
  418. 418.
    >You gulp nervously and turn towards the exit.
  419. 419.
    >"A-Anon, wait!"
  420. 420.
    >The panicked princess practically throws herself at you before reaching the door.
  421. 421.
    >"I-I can still help...some...how..."
  422. 422.
    >The alicorn's tear-filled eyes betray her words.
  423. 423.
    >You sigh with disappointment and face the desperate mare.
  424. 424.
    >"A princess is supposed to help her subjects..."
  425. 425.
    >Princess Twilight utters a defeated whinny and buries her face in her hooves.
  426. 426.
    >Damn, she's taking this harder than you.
  427. 427.
     
  428. 428.
    Part XIV:
  429. 429.
    >On the one hoof, you want to just leave and wallow in misery alone.
  430. 430.
    >On the other hoof, you can't stand to see a mare in distress.
  431. 431.
    >After a little mental back and forth, you come to a decision.
  432. 432.
    >You walk over and place a hoof on her trembling shoulder.
  433. 433.
    >"Huh?!" Twilight snaps out of her distress. "A-Anon, I-"
  434. 434.
    >You gently shush her with a hoof to the mouth and smile.
  435. 435.
    "Wanna grab a hayburger? I think some food will clear our heads."
  436. 436.
    >Twilight sits there in stunned silence, unsure of how to answer you.
  437. 437.
    >*GRUMBLE*
  438. 438.
    >Twilight blushes at the sound of her rumbling belly.
  439. 439.
    >"That sounds like a great idea." She smiles bashfully.
  440. 440.
    >You help the hungry princess to her hooves and together, the two of you head for the Ponyville Café.
  441. 441.
    >The sun is shining brightly as you take your seats in the outdoor section.
  442. 442.
    >Twilight squees with delight while looking over the menu.
  443. 443.
    >"Hayburgers, salads, milkshakes, fries, onion rings...this place is heaven!" She happily exclaims.
  444. 444.
    >You can't help but utter a chuckle at the princess' adorkable display of enthusiasm.
  445. 445.
    >The waiter approaches and begins his usual greeting, but cuts himself short when spotting Princess Twilight.
  446. 446.
    >"O-Oh my, Princess Twilight?!"
  447. 447.
    >The stallion almost trips over his own hooves trying to bow in front of your lunch companion.
  448. 448.
    >"To what do we owe the pleasure of your royal presence at our humble restaurant?!"
  449. 449.
    >"It's nothing official, just an empty stomach and some good company." Twilight grins.
  450. 450.
    >"Ohoho! Treating your date to some local Ponyville delicacies are we, your highness?" The waiter teases while glancing over at you.
  451. 451.
    >Now it's YOUR turn to blush uncontrollably.
  452. 452.
     
  453. 453.
    Part XV:
  454. 454.
    >The waiter takes one look at you and immediately drops the comedy act.
  455. 455.
    >"Are you feeling alright, sir? You look rather...faded."
  456. 456.
    "It's a long story." You confess. "But some good food should help me recover."
  457. 457.
    >The waiter nods and pulls out a notepad.
  458. 458.
    >"Very well." The stallion turns to face Twilight. "What would you like, your highness?"
  459. 459.
    >"I'll have three triple hayburgers, two sides of horseshoe rings, and a chocolate milkshake!"
  460. 460.
    >Your eyes widen at the ridiculous size of her order.
  461. 461.
    >Dayum, this mare must be STARVING!
  462. 462.
    >"All excellent choices, your highness!"
  463. 463.
    >The waiter scribbles her order down on the notepad.
  464. 464.
    >"And for you, sir?"
  465. 465.
    >You skim over the menu, but it's hard to focus after everything that's happened.
  466. 466.
    >Something in the back of your mind continues to assert itself over all else.
  467. 467.
    >Is it a warning? A future vision perhaps? Or are you just losing your damn mind?
  468. 468.
    "Uh, I'll have a regular hayburger and some iced tea."
  469. 469.
    >To be brutally honest, you aren't all that hungry.
  470. 470.
    >Feeling like a hollow shell tends to have that kind of effect.
  471. 471.
    >"Very good! Your food will be ready momentarily."
  472. 472.
    >The waiter puts away his notepad and heads towards the kitchen.
  473. 473.
    >"So, Anon..." Twilight focuses her attention on you. "How is life in Ponyville treating you?"
  474. 474.
    >You simply grunt and point at your faded coat with frustration.
  475. 475.
    >"Oh, right. Well then, h-how's your mill business?"
  476. 476.
    >Twilight nervously plays with her mane and tries to change the subject.
  477. 477.
    "You know about my mill business?" You tilt your head.
  478. 478.
    >The princess smiles awkwardly and nods.
  479. 479.
    >"Of course! I do place orders from time to time." She explains. "Your flour is very high quality, perfect for cooking and baking!"
  480. 480.
    >Why are you not surprised?
  481. 481.
     
  482. 482.
    Part XVI:
  483. 483.
    >"Alright, Anon..." Twilight clears her throat. "How can I help you?"
  484. 484.
    >You raise an eyebrow.
  485. 485.
    >"R-Regain hope I mean!" She stammers.
  486. 486.
    >"The direct approach certainly didn't work."
  487. 487.
    >Twilight blushes with a wing over her face.
  488. 488.
    >You sigh and take a sip of your tea.
  489. 489.
    "Princess..."
  490. 490.
    >"Please, call me Twilight." The mare smiles. "Everypony else does."
  491. 491.
    >You can't help but chuckle as the princess uses your own quip against you.
  492. 492.
    "As you wish, Twilight."
  493. 493.
    >You smile and playfully bow in your seat, earning a cute chuckle from her in return.
  494. 494.
    "As I was saying, it's not like I think you're ugly or anything."
  495. 495.
    >"But-?" The Princess leans forward.
  496. 496.
    "But we'd have to take things slow." You say firmly.
  497. 497.
    >The quirky mare sits in silence, waiting for you to continue.
  498. 498.
    "We'd have to get to know each other, go on some dates, meet each others' friends..."
  499. 499.
    >You tap your hooves on the table to try and shake off the awkwardness of your one-sided conversation.
  500. 500.
    "...and hey, if we're compatible, then we could get married, have some foals and-"
  501. 501.
    >You stop short at the sight of Twilight panting like a dog in the summer heat.
  502. 502.
    >Oh dear Celestia, you got her all worked up again.
  503. 503.
    >The purple princess fidgets uncomfortably in her seat.
  504. 504.
    "Twilight, are you in estrus or something?"
  505. 505.
    >The other outdoor diners stop their conversations and stare at you.
  506. 506.
    >You quickly stuff your hooves into your mouth.
  507. 507.
    >What the hell were you thinking, saying something like that in front of the princess?!
  508. 508.
     
  509. 509.
    Part XVII:
  510. 510.
    >The princess' face turns beet red as she struggles to explain herself.
  511. 511.
    >"Well, I..uh, you see, the thing is-"
  512. 512.
    >Truth be told, seeing her get all flustered like this is really cute.
  513. 513.
    >"My sincerest apologies for the wait, your highness!"
  514. 514.
    >The waiter shows up out of nowhere and quickly serves the food to your table.
  515. 515.
    >"Bon appetit!"
  516. 516.
    >The stallion blows a chef's kiss and quickly gallops back inside the restaurant.
  517. 517.
    >"It all looks so delicious!"
  518. 518.
    >Twilight happily clops her hooves together and dives face first into the small mountain of food on her plate.
  519. 519.
    >*MUNCH*
  520. 520.
    >You can't help but feel that she's dodging your question.
  521. 521.
    >"Mmmmmmm~!"
  522. 522.
    >Twilight's cheeks puff out with every bite she takes.
  523. 523.
    >You slowly take a bite from your own hayburger and continue to watch the food carnage unfold.
  524. 524.
    >Seeing a princess pig out like this is as cute as it is unsettling.
  525. 525.
    >'Does Twilight always eat like this?' You wonder.
  526. 526.
    >"Ishn't dish fewd da tashtiesht you'be ebah had?!" She squeals through a mouthful of horseshoe rings.
  527. 527.
    >You slowly nod after taking another bite.
  528. 528.
    >The food is top notch, as expected from a humble town like Ponyville.
  529. 529.
    >You take a drink of ice tea and almost spit it out.
  530. 530.
    >Twilight already cleaned her plate?!
  531. 531.
    >She sighs with satisfaction and reclines back to rub her now swollen belly.
  532. 532.
    >"Ponyville's rustic cuisine never fails to brighten my day!"
  533. 533.
    >She sits upright and gives you the dorkiest smile you've ever seen.
  534. 534.
     
  535. 535.
    Part XVIII:
  536. 536.
    >You notice some sauce and bits of bun stuck to her cheeks.
  537. 537.
    "Twilight, you have a little something on your-"
  538. 538.
    >The mare touches her own cheek and gasps.
  539. 539.
    >"Oh how sloppy of me!"
  540. 540.
    Twilight scrambles to grab a napkin and begins grinding it all over her face.
  541. 541.
    >"Is it gone?" She asks nervously.
  542. 542.
    >You try to contain your laughter and nod, much to Twilight's confusion.
  543. 543.
    >"Heeeey, what's so funny?" She frowns.
  544. 544.
    >It's amazing how oblivious Twilight is to her own quirky charms.
  545. 545.
    >Behind that regal exterior beats the heart of a humble mare.
  546. 546.
    >A mare that may very well be worth getting to know.
  547. 547.
    "Oh nothing..." You lie.
  548. 548.
    >The flustered princess snorts with annoyance and sips her milkshake.
  549. 549.
    >"You really are hopeless." She sighs.
  550. 550.
    >Ouch.
  551. 551.
    >You immediately fall silent and stare at the remains of your ice tea.
  552. 552.
    >Twilight realizes what she just said and tries to shift the conversation.
  553. 553.
    >"I'm really sorry for that poor choice of words, Anon." She looks you in the eye. "Now how can we help you out of this funk you're in?"
  554. 554.
    >You pause to ponder the purple pony's proposal.
  555. 555.
    "Finding a special somepony would be a great start."
  556. 556.
    >"That's it!" She exclaims.
  557. 557.
    >Twilight's face lights up as she begins doing a little happy dance on top of the table.
  558. 558.
    >You physically recoil at the mare's unusually sporadic behavior.
  559. 559.
    "What's it?" You squint at her.
  560. 560.
    >"The Hearts and Hooves Day festival!" She trots up to you and grins. "It's this weekend!"
  561. 561.
    >You almost fall out of your seat.
  562. 562.
    "Hearts and Hooves Day?" Your ears droop. "The heck is that?"
  563. 563.
    >"It's the answer to your problem, my dear Anon!"
  564. 564.
     
  565. 565.
    Part XVIX:
  566. 566.
    >She eagerly grabs you with her magic and the restaurant disappears in a poof of purple magic.
  567. 567.
    >You find yourself standing in a massive library, complete with gilded staircases and fancy chandeliers.
  568. 568.
    "Where...ARE we?"
  569. 569.
    >You look around the library and stare in awe at the thousands of books covering every single wall.
  570. 570.
    >"Welcome to my humble library!" She proudly announces.
  571. 571.
    >Huh? There's nothing humble about this gaudy place!
  572. 572.
    "So, why are we here exactly?"
  573. 573.
    >Twilight begins flying too and fro, seemingly hunting for something specific.
  574. 574.
    >"Why, we're here to prepare you for the Hearts and Hooves Festival of course!" She shouts from above.
  575. 575.
    >How will scrolls and books help you with such a thing?
  576. 576.
    >She soon grabs a book from one of the highest shelves and descends with it cradled in her hooves.
  577. 577.
    >*WHOMP*
  578. 578.
    "AIIIIEEEEEE!"
  579. 579.
    >Her rough landing sends you flying into a pile of books on the floor.
  580. 580.
    >"Oops, sorry about that." She bashfully flutters her wings. "I'm still getting used to the whole 'pegasus' thing."
  581. 581.
    >You clutch at your head and stumble out of the book pile.
  582. 582.
    "So am I." You shoot back.
  583. 583.
    >It's still hard to believe that just a few moons ago, Twilight was a humble unicorn working on 'friendship' research.
  584. 584.
    >Now she's the Princess of Friendship itself.
  585. 585.
    >Imagine DATING such a cute princess...
  586. 586.
    >"Uh, Anon? Are you alright?"
  587. 587.
    >You snap out of your thoughts and spin around to face Twilight.
  588. 588.
    "Yeah, I-I'm fine." You insist.
  589. 589.
    >"Really?" She raises an eyebrow. "Because it looked like you were swooning just now."
  590. 590.
    >NANI?!
  591. 591.
    >You? Swooning?
  592. 592.
    >Her eyes must be in backwards or something!
  593. 593.
    >A strong stallion like you would never do such an embarrassing thing.
  594. 594.
    >Wait, why does your face feel hot?
  595. 595.
     
  596. 596.
    Part XX:
  597. 597.
    >"Anyhooo..."
  598. 598.
    >She opens the book and flips through the pages.
  599. 599.
    >"This book on pony courtship will no doubt help you find the mare of your dreams....hopefully..."
  600. 600.
    >Your ears twitch when she practically whispers that last word.
  601. 601.
    >'Hopefully' indeed.
  602. 602.
    >Perhaps Twilight isn't being as sincere as she led you to believe...
  603. 603.
    >...
  604. 604.
    >Hearts and Hooves Day is finally here.
  605. 605.
    >Ponies are happily trotting all over town, preparing for the main festival.
  606. 606.
    >Large pink and red streamers hang from the cottages.
  607. 607.
    >Heart decorations are EVERYWHERE.
  608. 608.
    >Delicious Hearts and Hooves Day themed food and drinks line the numerous vendor carts scattered around the town square.
  609. 609.
    >Pony couples affectionately nuzzle and kiss one another all over town.
  610. 610.
    >You however, are knocking back pints alone at Applejack's cider wagon.
  611. 611.
    >Twilight said she'd meet you here at the festival, but never showed up.
  612. 612.
    >Did she stand you up?
  613. 613.
    >You take another swig of cider to lessen the sting of loneliness.
  614. 614.
    >"Beg yer pardon, sugarcube..."
  615. 615.
    >You turn to see an orange earth pony pointing at a pile of empty mugs on the counter.
  616. 616.
    >"But ah think ya've had enough fer one day."
  617. 617.
    >You calmly set your mug down, face the nosey mare, and take a deep breath.
  618. 618.
    "I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH!"
  619. 619.
    >Your shouting knocks the applehorse right on her rump.
  620. 620.
    >An awkward silence hangs in the air as you take another sip of cider, and this time you make sure to look her in the eye while doing so.
  621. 621.
    >"Oh would'ja lookit that? Ah'm outta cider!" She smiles nervously. "Better head back to the farm an *heh* get sum moar..."
  622. 622.
    >Applejack quickly scrambles to her hooves and gallops out of sight.
  623. 623.
    >Damn applefolk, thinking they can tell you what you can and can't have.
  624. 624.
    >You're not even sure why you choose to remain at the festival.
  625. 625.
    >It's not like there's a special somepony waiting for you or anything.
  626. 626.
    >Another mug empty.
  627. 627.
    >You toss it into the pile and recline in your stool.
  628. 628.
    >Dear Celestia above, you wish something would end your misery.
  629. 629.
     
  630. 630.
    Part XXI:
  631. 631.
    >"Excuse me, is this seat taken?"
  632. 632.
    >Your right ear perks up at the sound of a gentle voice approaching from the east.
  633. 633.
    >There before you stands a gray pegasus mare with a yellow mane and tail.
  634. 634.
    >Her legs are adorned with long black stockings and there's a red rose tucked on top of her left ear.
  635. 635.
    >Two big yellow crossed eyes betray the friendly smile adorning her face.
  636. 636.
    >Upon her neck you see a plain black choker, rather kinky if you're being perfectly honest.
  637. 637.
    >Derp syndrome aside, she's looking mighty beautiful at first glance!
  638. 638.
    >You stare at the blonde bombshell in disbelief, but ultimately wave her over to the vacant bar stool.
  639. 639.
    >Misery loves company after all.
  640. 640.
    >"Oh, thank you mister!"
  641. 641.
    >The cute mare clops her hooves together and eagerly flies towards you.
  642. 642.
    >*CLANK*
  643. 643.
    >She lands on top of a table.
  644. 644.
    >"Oof!"
  645. 645.
    >You stifle a chuckle.
  646. 646.
    >The flustered mare puffs her cheeks out and flaps her wings.
  647. 647.
    >She takes off and then quickly lands inside one of Applejack's empty cider kegs.
  648. 648.
    >"H-Huh?!" She cries out in surprise.
  649. 649.
    >With a grunt of effort she takes flight once more, only to crash into the wagon facefirst.
  650. 650.
    >*THUNK*
  651. 651.
    >"Owie!"
  652. 652.
    >She rubs her head and sighs in defeat upon the ground.
  653. 653.
    >"I just don't know *sniffle* what went wrong."
  654. 654.
    >Oh hell no, you are NOT about to let this poor mare cry!
  655. 655.
    >You leap down from your bar stool and offer her a hoof, earning a gasp from the distressed pony.
  656. 656.
    "Need some help?" You ask.
  657. 657.
    >She nods and clings to your hoof for dear life.
  658. 658.
    >One solid tug and the grateful mare is back on her legs.
  659. 659.
    >"T-Thank you, mister." She blushes and averts her eye.
  660. 660.
    "No problem, Miss...?"
  661. 661.
    >The mare perks up and flutters her wings in the most adorable way imaginable.
  662. 662.
    >"My name's Derpy!" She happily exclaims. "What's yours?"
  663. 663.
    "Anon." You smile.
  664. 664.
     
  665. 665.
    Part XXII:
  666. 666.
    >The two of you make some small talk to pass the time.
  667. 667.
    >One minute you're telling Derpy about the joy (and misery) of owning a mill business.
  668. 668.
    >The next minute, she's gushing over the perks of working at the post office.
  669. 669.
    >She gets to travel a lot and meet all kinds of ponies wherever the deliveries take her.
  670. 670.
    >This bubbly mare is nothing if not passionate about the life of a mailmare.
  671. 671.
    >Speaking of travel, sometimes you wonder if moving to another town could alleviate this soul-crushing loneliness...
  672. 672.
    >"Are you waiting for your special somepony?"
  673. 673.
    >The smiling mare's innocent question makes your ears droop.
  674. 674.
    "Yeah, you could say that."
  675. 675.
    >You turn away from her and focus your sights on a group of ponies passionately dancing in the town square.
  676. 676.
    "But...she never showed up."
  677. 677.
    >Derpy gasps and firmly grabs one of your hooves.
  678. 678.
    >"I'm so sorry, Anon!"
  679. 679.
    >You're caught off-guard by the panicked pegasus' outburst.
  680. 680.
    >"N-Nopony should have to *hic* spend Hearts and Hooves Day alone."
  681. 681.
    >Where the hell did all this mushy stuff come from?
  682. 682.
    >Just when you think you have this mare all figured out, she throws you a curve ball.
  683. 683.
    "What about you?" You ask her. "Is there a Mr. Derpy waiting for you out there?"
  684. 684.
    >You point towards a massive crowd of ponies gathering near the food wagons.
  685. 685.
    >"I...I don't have a special somepony." She confesses.
  686. 686.
    >So much for thinking you were the only single (and miserable) pony in all of Ponyville.
  687. 687.
    >Hold the gramophone, something's not right.
  688. 688.
    "Wait a minute, if you're single and sad, then why don't you look like this?"
  689. 689.
    >You tug at your faded coat.
  690. 690.
    >She looks you over and shrugs.
  691. 691.
    >"Part of me keeps hoping, DREAMING, of the day I meet that special stallion who will sweep me off my hooves."
  692. 692.
    >She blushes and clasps her hooves over her cheeks.
  693. 693.
    >Celestiadamn this mare is too cute for her own good.
  694. 694.
    "Well, we're never going to be happy sitting here all day."
  695. 695.
    >You extend a hoof towards Derpy, eager to put a smile on that aderpable face of hers.
  696. 696.
    "What do you say we be alone, together?"
  697. 697.
     
  698. 698.
    Part XXIII:
  699. 699.
    >"Gee Anon, no stallion has ever asked me out before."
  700. 700.
    >Derpy fiddles with her mane and partially stares at the ground.
  701. 701.
    >It's almost scary how much you two have in common!
  702. 702.
    "Really?" You raise an eyebrow.
  703. 703.
    >She nods and wipes the tears from her eyes.
  704. 704.
    "Welp, that's their loss." You grin.
  705. 705.
    >You gently hold Derpy's hoof and begin walking her towards the heart of the festival.
  706. 706.
    "Let's have some fun."
  707. 707.
    >The flustered mare can't help but smile as you present her with a heart-shaped muffin from Mr. and Mrs. Cake's goodie cart.
  708. 708.
    >"How did you know I liked muffins?" She asks teasingly.
  709. 709.
    "I thought everypony did." You shrug.
  710. 710.
    >She nibbles on the muffin like it's the most important thing in the world.
  711. 711.
    >Note to self: learn how to bake muffins.
  712. 712.
    >"Thank you, Anon."
  713. 713.
    >You chuckle and wipe the crumbs from her snout.
  714. 714.
    "Don't thank me yet, Derpy." You point towards the mini carnival. "The night is still young."
  715. 715.
    >Your eyes widen when the sun literally starts setting on the horizon.
  716. 716.
    >Geez Celestia, it was just a figure of speech.
  717. 717.
    >Derpy gently nudges your shoulder, snapping you out of your weird funk.
  718. 718.
    >"Are you okay, Anon?"
  719. 719.
    >Her beautiful eyes are alight with concern.
  720. 720.
    >"We don't have to keep going if you're feeling sick."
  721. 721.
    >You quickly shake your head and trot in place.
  722. 722.
    "Oh I'm fine, never been better!" You quickly reassure her.
  723. 723.
    >You gallop over to a nearby carnival game booth and pay the vendor for a round.
  724. 724.
    >Derpy takes flight and lands beside you after colliding with an inconveniently-placed balloon cart.
  725. 725.
    >You chuckle and point at the tangle of balloon strings wrapped around her tail.
  726. 726.
    >She pouts and frantically untwists the balloons, freeing them into the twilight skies hanging overhead.
  727. 727.
    >"You gonna pay for those, lady?"
  728. 728.
    >A chubby red unicorn trots up to your date and holds out his hoof.
  729. 729.
    >"Oops, my bad."
  730. 730.
    >She pulls out her wallet, but finds it completely empty.
  731. 731.
    >"Sorry mister balloon stallion, but I don't have any money."
  732. 732.
     
  733. 733.
    Part XXIV:
  734. 734.
    >"Then you're going to work for me until they're paid off, googly eyes." The fat unicorn snarls.
  735. 735.
    >Derpy whimpers and hangs her head in shame.
  736. 736.
    "There's no need to be rude, dude."
  737. 737.
    >Without a second thought, you pull out a small bag of bits and present it to the obnoxious unicorn.
  738. 738.
    "Will this cover it?"
  739. 739.
    >The red slob begins salivating at the sight of your money.
  740. 740.
    >"It just might."
  741. 741.
    >You watch the greedy pony open the bag with his magic and thoroughly inspect every single coin.
  742. 742.
    >"You're lucky, googly eyes."
  743. 743.
    >The unicorn tucks the bag of coins under his hat.
  744. 744.
    >"Don't expect all your debts to be paid so easily in the future."
  745. 745.
    >The red unicorn laughs giddily and trots off to one of the food carts.
  746. 746.
    >You take a step forward and prepare to chase down the fat bastard that insulted your date.
  747. 747.
    >Just then, a gray hoof gently pulls on your shoulder.
  748. 748.
    >"Please Anon, he's not worth it."
  749. 749.
    >You spin around and look right into Derpy's eyes.
  750. 750.
    >A strange sense of calm washes over you, and the hot-blooded desire for vengeance slowly fizzles out altogether.
  751. 751.
    "That guy was a real prick." You snort.
  752. 752.
    >Derpy nods with another of her trademark sheepish smiles.
  753. 753.
    "Do ponies always pick on you like that?"
  754. 754.
    >More tears drip from her beautiful eyes.
  755. 755.
    >Oh bits, you just re-opened an old wound.
  756. 756.
    >It's fairly obvious that Derpy got the short end of the 'gene pool' stick.
  757. 757.
    >But for ponies to go out of their way and harass Derpy for something that isn't even her fault?
  758. 758.
    >That's just downright DESPICABLE, especially considering she didn't become an axe murderer or anything like that.
  759. 759.
    >Derpy's functional enough to hold down a job AND she's got a humble personality to boot.
  760. 760.
    "Forget I asked."
  761. 761.
    >You quickly pick up a skee-ball from the machine and hand it to Derpy.
  762. 762.
    "Ladies first." You smile.
  763. 763.
    >She blushes ever so slightly and aims her skee-ball towards the goals.
  764. 764.
    >Derpy takes a deep breath, flicks her wrist, and tosses it up the wooden ramp.
  765. 765.
    >"Nyagh!"
  766. 766.
    >You watch in shock as the ball flies upward in a straight line and lands in the small center goal.
  767. 767.
     
  768. 768.
    Part XXV:
  769. 769.
    >The machine lights up and plays a cute little victory tune.
  770. 770.
    >Derpy cries out in surprise backs away from the skee-ball display.
  771. 771.
    >"Uh oh, did I break it?" She asks nervously.
  772. 772.
    >You chuckle and shake your head.
  773. 773.
    >"We have a winner!"
  774. 774.
    >The vendor grabs a stuffed bear from the prize rack and hands it to Derpy.
  775. 775.
    >"Oh wow..." She cuddles the toy close. "It's so fuzzy!"
  776. 776.
    >You walk over to the mare and gently pat her on the back.
  777. 777.
    "Congrats Derpy, you earned it."
  778. 778.
    >She smiles and pulls you in for a big hug with her free hoof.
  779. 779.
    "W-Woah! Hey! What's this for?!" You cry out.
  780. 780.
    >Derpy wraps her free wing around you, making escape all but impossible.
  781. 781.
    >"Thank you."
  782. 782.
    >Ah to be hugged by a mare, how you've longed for such an earthly delight.
  783. 783.
    >You eagerly hug her back, earning a coo of appreciation from the adorable pegasus.
  784. 784.
    >Wait, did she just thank you?
  785. 785.
    "What are you thanking me for?"
  786. 786.
    >You pull back and stare at her in confusion.
  787. 787.
    >"This is the first time I've ever won at, well, ANYTHING!" She admits.
  788. 788.
    >Wow, Derpy is trying really hard to take the title of "Ponyville's Biggest Loser" away from you.
  789. 789.
    >"I have a feeling that this wouldn't have happened without you."
  790. 790.
    >She smiles warmly and holds the teddy bear close to her chest.
  791. 791.
    >Your face feels hotter than the sun as you struggle to come up with some kind of response.
  792. 792.
    >The gray mare giggles at your buffoonery and leans in until her face is inches away from your own.
  793. 793.
    >"You know Anon, you're kinda cute when you blush."
  794. 794.
    >There's no way in Tartarus your face ISN'T red right now.
  795. 795.
     
  796. 796.
    Part XXVI:
  797. 797.
    >The evening moves along at a brisk pace, but you're having too much fun to notice.
  798. 798.
    >Derpy appears to be having the time of her life.
  799. 799.
    >Carnival games, dancing, eating dinner, posing for silly caricatures, it doesn't matter the activity.
  800. 800.
    >That beautiful derped smile of hers never disappears, not even for a moment.
  801. 801.
    >Truth be told, you're having a great time as well.
  802. 802.
    >That in itself is a bit strange, because Hearts and Hooves is the LAST thing you expected to bring ANY kind of happiness.
  803. 803.
    >You look around the festival and see a lot of ponies resting at the nearby tables.
  804. 804.
    >It must be getting late.
  805. 805.
    >Damn, just when you were beginning to have some real fun.
  806. 806.
    >You turn to Derpy, who's busy stuffing her face with a rice cereal treat shaped like a pink heart.
  807. 807.
    >She notices you staring and quickly gulps down her food.
  808. 808.
    >"Oh hey Anon!" She waves to you like a goofball supreme. "Is something on *MUNCH* your mind?"
  809. 809.
    >Derpy's cheeks once again poof out with food.
  810. 810.
    >You shake your head and try to match her smile.
  811. 811.
    "Everything's fine, Derpy."
  812. 812.
    >"That's good to hear." She replies between mouthfuls. "Did you have lots of fun too?"
  813. 813.
    >You have no idea how right you are, silly mare.
  814. 814.
    "Oh yeah." You grin ear to ear.
  815. 815.
    >"Fillies and gentlecolts, may I have your attention please!"
  816. 816.
    >Your right ear twitches at the sound of a VERY familiar voice booming over the loudspeakers.
  817. 817.
    >"As Mayor of Ponyville, I hereby decree that the Hearts and Hooves Day festival is now officially concluded!"
  818. 818.
    >Janitor ponies arrive on the scene with empty carts and begin taking down the colorful decorations.
  819. 819.
    >"I sincerely hope you all found fun, food, laughs, and most importantly, love~!"
  820. 820.
    >You immediately look away from Derpy after seeing her flushed cheeks.
  821. 821.
    >C'mon Derpy, you can't be silly enough to fall in love after one measly day!
  822. 822.
    >"I can't wait to see you all again at next year's Hearts and Hooves Day festival! Good night!"
  823. 823.
    >The festivalgoers happily begin packing up and make their way home.
  824. 824.
    >"Awww, is the festival over already?"
  825. 825.
    >Derpy's ears droop with disappointment.
  826. 826.
    "Looks like it."
  827. 827.
    >You snag another muffin from the confection cart before the Cakes close up shop.
  828. 828.
    >She squees and bites into the muffin as the two of you leave the festival behind.
  829. 829.
     
  830. 830.
    Part XXVII:
  831. 831.
    >"This was the best Hearts and Hooves Day ever!"
  832. 832.
    >Derpy happily skips alongside you with the teddy bear tucked under her wing.
  833. 833.
    "I'm glad you had fun, Derpy."
  834. 834.
    >The two of you leave the festival behind and head towards the town square.
  835. 835.
    >The moon casts a soft glow over the riverbank, almost as if it were some kind of sign...
  836. 836.
    >Derpy stares into the river and tilts her head in deep thought.
  837. 837.
    >You join her at the water's edge, curious to know what's on the mare's mind.
  838. 838.
    "What's up Derpy?"
  839. 839.
    >"Oh it's nothing really..." She trails off while playing with her hair.
  840. 840.
    >Yep, something's definitely up.
  841. 841.
    >You gently nuzzle her with your snout.
  842. 842.
    "C'mon Derpy, I can tell something's bothering you."
  843. 843.
    >Despite your best efforts, the mare remains lost in whatever thoughts are bouncing around in that head of hers.
  844. 844.
    >The two of you sit there for a while, each hoping the other would break the awkward silence.
  845. 845.
    >Derpy finally snaps out of it and opens her mouth to speak.
  846. 846.
    >"The moon looks so...beautiful...tonight."
  847. 847.
    >She sighs and looks at the full moon hovering overhead.
  848. 848.
    >That wasn't quite the answer you were expecting, but it does give you an opportunity to be super cheesy.
  849. 849.
    "Not as beautiful as you." You tease.
  850. 850.
    >You absentmindedly nuzzle Derpy again, a bit longer than last time.
  851. 851.
    >She's warm to the touch and her coat is so soft.
  852. 852.
    >And her scent, oh Celestia her bubbly scent!
  853. 853.
    >This is something you could get used to...
  854. 854.
    >"Mmmmh~!" She coos.
  855. 855.
    >Wait a minute, what the BUCK are you doing?!
  856. 856.
    >You quickly pull away and try to hide your blushing face.
  857. 857.
    >"Wha-?!"
  858. 858.
    >Derpy cries out from the sudden loss of affection and frantically leans towards you.
  859. 859.
    >"Why did you stop, Anon?!"
  860. 860.
    >The pain in her eyes sends a (metaphorical) knife plunging into your heart.
  861. 861.
    >"I thought-"
  862. 862.
     
  863. 863.
    Part XXVIII:
  864. 864.
    >You place a hoof on the worried mare's face and smile.
  865. 865.
    >Derpy utters a confused whinny, but holds her hoof against your own.
  866. 866.
    "I really do like you Derpy, but don't you think we're rushing things just a smidge?"
  867. 867.
    >She shakes her head and pins you to the ground with a surprising amount of force, for a Pegasus at least.
  868. 868.
    >"No Anon, not at all!"
  869. 869.
    >You stare at her as though she grew a second head.
  870. 870.
    >"Couples are supposed to do lovey-dovey things together!" She insists.
  871. 871.
    >The flustered pegasus snuggles into you and happily sighs, desperately clinging to the affections you bestowed upon her mere moments ago.
  872. 872.
    >You try to break free, but her big bubble butt holds you in place like some kind of squishy boulder.
  873. 873.
    >Having a mare lay on top of you like this is seriously making you reconsider the whole "rushing things" schtick.
  874. 874.
    >You wrap your hooves around Derpy and lock lips with her.
  875. 875.
    >The amorous goofball moans into your lips and eagerly kisses you back.
  876. 876.
    >If Derpy doesn't stop soon, you're going to end up rutting her right here and now.
  877. 877.
    >Considering the circumstances, she might not be entirely opposed to that idea...
  878. 878.
    >*POOF*
  879. 879.
    >"There you are, Anon!"
  880. 880.
    >Twilight emerges from a burst of magic and waves to you.
  881. 881.
    >"Sorry I'm late, but there was some last minute royal business to-"
  882. 882.
    >Twilight's smile disappears as her eyes fall on Derpy, who is still firmly snuggling against you.
  883. 883.
    >"Oh, hi Princess!"
  884. 884.
    >Derpy waves to the stunned alicorn and lazily rises to her hooves.
  885. 885.
    >You quickly stand up and bow to the princess alongside your bubbly companion, but Twilight's shock does not wane.
  886. 886.
    "Twilight?" You exclaim. "What are you doing here?"
  887. 887.
    >The purple pony haphazardly trots over to you and Derpy.
  888. 888.
    >"I'm here to be your date for Hearts and Hooves Day of course!" She exclaims.
  889. 889.
    >The uneasiness in Twilight's voice betrays her courageous words.
  890. 890.
    "But Twilight, Derpy is my date for Hearts and Hooves Day."
  891. 891.
    >You hug Derpy close and happily nuzzle her cheek.
  892. 892.
    "On top of that, the festival is over now."
  893. 893.
    >You point towards the group of janitor ponies diligently disassembling the festival booths.
  894. 894.
    >"Oh no, I AM too late!"
  895. 895.
    >Twilight falls on her rump and utters a sorrowful neigh.
  896. 896.
     
  897. 897.
    Part XVIX:
  898. 898.
    >You slowly approach the alicorn and sit next to her in the dirt.
  899. 899.
    "I remember arriving at the Hearts and Hooves festival with a newfound hope."
  900. 900.
    >You place a hoof on Twilight's shoulder in an attempt to calm her.
  901. 901.
    "I was pretty hyped to have a literal PRINCESS as my date."
  902. 902.
    >She looks up at you and tries to stifle her sniffles.
  903. 903.
    "Minutes slowly turned into hours, and my excitement gradually reverted back into despair."
  904. 904.
    >You take a deep breath and try to organize your thoughts.
  905. 905.
    "Being stood up is a heart-wrenching experience, even more so when done by a pony of royal status."
  906. 906.
    >"Anon, I-"
  907. 907.
    >You silence Twilight's weak protests with a hoof over her lips.
  908. 908.
    "I tried to salvage the evening with a few drinks, and then head home to wallow in more misery."
  909. 909.
    >Twilight is shifting uncomfortably on the ground, no doubt desperate to apologize and explain herself.
  910. 910.
    "Then this wonderful mare swooped in from nowhere and turned my night upside down."
  911. 911.
    >You motion towards Derpy, who is now playfully nibbling the nearby blades of grass.
  912. 912.
    "In a roundabout way, you kept your promise."
  913. 913.
    >"W-What do you mean, Anon?" Twilight cocks her head to the side.
  914. 914.
    "You helped me find a special somepony."
  915. 915.
    >Derpy flutters over to join the conversation, but somehow ends up doing a barrel roll right into you.
  916. 916.
    >*THUMP*
  917. 917.
    >"Oops, sorry Anon." She blushes.
  918. 918.
    "Don't be." You reassure her.
  919. 919.
    >You nuzzle into the silly pony and chuckle.
  920. 920.
    "I'm starting to like our cuddle sessions."
  921. 921.
    >Twilight suddenly interrupts your romantic moment with a nervous chuckle of her own.
  922. 922.
    >"Yes, well, I-I'm glad to see everything *sniffle* worked...out..."
  923. 923.
    >Twilight wipes her eyes and begins to float in the air.
  924. 924.
    >"I believe I have a few more *hic* royal matters to attend to."
  925. 925.
    >You and Derpy are blinded by a bright flash of light as Twilight disappears into the night.
  926. 926.
    >Her muffled cries fade with the last traces of sparkly magic.
  927. 927.
    >You have a feeling this isn't going to end well.
  928. 928.
     
  929. 929.
    Part XX:
  930. 930.
    >"Bye Princess!"
  931. 931.
    >Derpy waves at the fading magic dust and smiles.
  932. 932.
    >This mare is just too precious!
  933. 933.
    "It's getting late, Derpy."
  934. 934.
    >You stretch out and yawn, ready to hit the hay before you fall asleep right here and now.
  935. 935.
    "You're probably tired too right?"
  936. 936.
    >After a small pause, you turn towards the east bridge that leads home.
  937. 937.
    >"Wait!"
  938. 938.
    >You stop dead in your tracks.
  939. 939.
    "Yes, Derpy?" You ask teasingly.
  940. 940.
    >"Would you like to, um..." She twiddles her hooves. "C-Come hang out at my house?"
  941. 941.
    >One the one hoof, she's DEFINITELY rushing things now.
  942. 942.
    >On the other hoof, it somehow feels WRONG to turn down her invitation.
  943. 943.
    "I'd love to." You blurt out.
  944. 944.
    >Derpy's ears flicker as she lets loose another one of those adorable "Squee!" noises you've come to love.
  945. 945.
    >"Oh thank you Anon!"
  946. 946.
    >The mare grabs your hoof and flies off towards her house before you can even blink.
  947. 947.
    >...
  948. 948.
    >Her cottage lies westbound on the outskirts of town.
  949. 949.
    >The little house doesn't look like much from the outside, but it does have a beautiful backyard view of the lower valleys.
  950. 950.
    >At least, you THINK it does.
  951. 951.
    >It's kinda hard to tell in the dark.
  952. 952.
    >"I-It's not much..." She fiddles with the keys. "But it's home."
  953. 953.
    >The front door swings open, revealing a cold dark living room.
  954. 954.
    >*SLAM*
  955. 955.
    >Derpy shuts the door behind you and locks it tight.
  956. 956.
    "Uh Derpy, why did you lock the door so fast?"
  957. 957.
    >Your gut is beginning to say "we're in trouble dude".
  958. 958.
    >Derpy ignores your question and dives in front of the darkened fire place.
  959. 959.
    >Soon the room is illuminated with a warm yellow glow.
  960. 960.
    >You see a small couch positioned in front of the fireplace, surrounded by all manner of books, toys and other various knick-knacks.
  961. 961.
    >The excited mare beckons you to sit on the couch.
  962. 962.
    >"This is going to be so much fun!" Derpy says with a playful giggle.
  963. 963.
     
  964. 964.
    Part XXI:
  965. 965.
    >You reluctantly sit on the couch next to Derpy, who immediately snuggles into your side.
  966. 966.
    >"Thank you, Anon."
  967. 967.
    >The mare nervously shuffles in place but refuses to leave you.
  968. 968.
    >"Nopony ever wanted to hang out with me before."
  969. 969.
    >She scrunches her snout and sighs with disappointment.
  970. 970.
    "I....c-can't imagine why..." You gulp nervously.
  971. 971.
    >Hopefully she doesn't notice the small beads of sweat forming upon your brow.
  972. 972.
    >Many wild scenarios run through your mind, many of which might very well happen if you stick around too long.
  973. 973.
    >"Wanna play a game?" The mare whispers into your ear.
  974. 974.
    "Uh, sure?"
  975. 975.
    >Derpy happily clops her hooves together and dives into the pile of junk next to her couch.
  976. 976.
    >You immediately begin dodging and weaving through the wave of junk flying across the room.
  977. 977.
    >Looks like housekeeping isn't this mare's strong suit.
  978. 978.
    >"Ah, here it is!"
  979. 979.
    >Derpy stumbles onto the couch holding...a box covered in question marks?
  980. 980.
    >"Can you guess what's inside?" She asks cheerfully.
  981. 981.
    >Well, you can't honestly say you were expecting to play guessing games at a strange mare's house on Hearts and Hooves Day.
  982. 982.
    >Might as well humor her and play along, lest she become sad again.
  983. 983.
    >"Um, it is a muffin?"
  984. 984.
    >She yanks the lid off and retrieves, you guessed it, a blueberry muffin.
  985. 985.
    >"You win, Anon!" Derpy leans closer. "And here's your prize~!"
  986. 986.
    "Prize? What do you-MMPH?!"
  987. 987.
    >She pushes the muffin into your snout.
  988. 988.
    >"I made it myself."
  989. 989.
    >You sniff at the fluffy confection and hesitantly take a small bite.
  990. 990.
    >"H-How is it?" She asks expectantly.
  991. 991.
     
  992. 992.
    Part XXII:
  993. 993.
    "Derpy, this is *munch* DELICIOUS!"
  994. 994.
    >"Really?"
  995. 995.
    >The mare's beautiful yellow eyes sparkle in the flickering light.
  996. 996.
    "Yeah, it's even better than the ones we had at the festival!"
  997. 997.
    >You're taking bigger bites now, eager to taste more of Derpy's delicious baking.
  998. 998.
    >It's so fluffy, so chewy, so full of blueberry flavor.
  999. 999.
    >Derpy could easily open her own damn bakery with skills like these!
  1000. 1000.
    >"Hey Anon, there's something on your face."
  1001. 1001.
    "Huh?"
  1002. 1002.
    >Derpy leans in and licks your cheek without warning.
  1003. 1003.
    >Your entire body shudders from the unexpected intimacy.
  1004. 1004.
    >Her tongue slowly crawls along your face, savoring every last piece of flesh it touches.
  1005. 1005.
    >Is it wrong that you DON'T want this to stop?
  1006. 1006.
    >Then she reaches your lips.
  1007. 1007.
    >Your whinnies of surprise mix with Derpy's soft moans as her tongue slowly tangles with your own.
  1008. 1008.
    >She's quite the sloppy kisser, but that just makes her awkward foreplay all the more adorable.
  1009. 1009.
    >Derpy suddenly pulls away and blushes hard enough to turn her entire face red.
  1010. 1010.
    >"I'm not very good at this, am I?"
  1011. 1011.
    >Her sorrowful eyes meet yours in a shared awkward silence.
  1012. 1012.
    >"I-I've never had a coltfriend before, so these kinds of things are new to me."
  1013. 1013.
    >You chuckle and shake your head before pulling Derpy closer.
  1014. 1014.
    "Didn't anypony tell you?"
  1015. 1015.
    >"Tell me what, Anon?"
  1016. 1016.
    "Pure mares are the BEST KIND."
  1017. 1017.
    >You reach down and playfully nibble on her neck, cutting off any objections your frazzled companion might've had.
  1018. 1018.
    >There's no turning back now.
  1019. 1019.
    >You are going to rut this mare's brains out.
  1020. 1020.
     
  1021. 1021.
    Part XXIII:
  1022. 1022.
    >Derpy senses your intentions as well, and bends over the arm of her couch to give you proper access to-
  1023. 1023.
    >"Daddyyyyyy, don't make it gross!"
  1024. 1024.
    >Your concentration is shattered by a small voice near the fireplace.
  1025. 1025.
    >Suddenly four foals are sitting on the rug, staring at you with varying degrees of disgust.
  1026. 1026.
    >Wait a minute, this isn't Derpy's house...
  1027. 1027.
    >Your eldest daughter, a gray pegasus sporting black hair, pouts at you with her forelegs folded.
  1028. 1028.
    >Oh right, it's your turn to watch the foals today.
  1029. 1029.
    "Whoops, sorry Downburst!"
  1030. 1030.
    >You nervously grin and scratch the back of your head.
  1031. 1031.
    "Daddy got a bit carried away with the *ahem* 'spicy' details."
  1032. 1032.
    >Your foals collectively groan and fall on their backs.
  1033. 1033.
    "Tough crowd."
  1034. 1034.
    >"Okay everypony, it's snacktiiiiiiiiime~!"
  1035. 1035.
    >Your beautiful wife Derpy emerges from the kitchen with a plate of freshly-baked muffins.
  1036. 1036.
    >Awww, she tied her mane in a pony tail, just the way you like it!
  1037. 1037.
    >The yellow apron she's wearing does almost nothing to hide her swollen pregnant belly.
  1038. 1038.
    >It's hard to believe you're already on your fifth foal, but Derpy doesn't seem to mind at all.
  1039. 1039.
    "Thanks for the save, babe."
  1040. 1040.
    >You affectionately nuzzle Derpy as she places her plate of baked goods on the coffee table.
  1041. 1041.
    >Your little ponies immediately attack the plate, sending muffin crumbs flying in every direction.
  1042. 1042.
    >"Yay!"
  1043. 1043.
    >"Snackies!"
  1044. 1044.
    >"Yummy!"
  1045. 1045.
    >Their little squeals of delight quickly fill the living room with a chaotic symphony of gratitude.
  1046. 1046.
    >That's four more satisfied customers!
  1047. 1047.
    >It's truly a blessing that Derpy knows her way around the kitchen.
  1048. 1048.
    >You, on the other hoof, couldn't cook your way out of a paper bag.
  1049. 1049.
    >It also helps that your mill provides a near endless supply of flour for Derpy to work her culinary magic.
  1050. 1050.
    >Note to self: build another storeroom for excess wheat.
  1051. 1051.
    >You would've used the empty space upstairs, but nearly all of it was converted into rooms for the foals.
  1052. 1052.
    >Damnit, if only this mill/house was just a wee bit bigger...
  1053. 1053.
    >Derpy offers you a muffin, briefly snapping you out of Thoughtville for a moment.
  1054. 1054.
    >*MUNCH*
  1055. 1055.
    >Mmmm~! Tastes like chocolate chip, your favorite flavor!
  1056. 1056.
    >"How are they?" She asks expectantly.
  1057. 1057.
    "They're delicious, as usual!" You proclaim while striking a dorky pose.
  1058. 1058.
    >Derpy tries and fails to contain her laughter.
  1059. 1059.
     
  1060. 1060.
    Part XXIII:
  1061. 1061.
    >Derpy senses your intentions as well, and bends over the arm of her couch to give you proper access to-
  1062. 1062.
    >"Daddyyyyyy, don't make it gross!"
  1063. 1063.
    >Your concentration is shattered by a small voice near the fireplace.
  1064. 1064.
    >Suddenly four foals are sitting on the rug, staring at you with varying degrees of disgust.
  1065. 1065.
    >Wait a minute, this isn't Derpy's house...
  1066. 1066.
    >Your eldest daughter, a gray pegasus sporting black hair, pouts at you with her forelegs folded.
  1067. 1067.
    >Oh right, it's your turn to watch the foals today.
  1068. 1068.
    "Whoops, sorry Downburst!"
  1069. 1069.
    >You nervously grin and scratch the back of your head.
  1070. 1070.
    "Daddy got a bit carried away with the *ahem* 'spicy' details."
  1071. 1071.
    >Your foals collectively groan and fall on their backs.
  1072. 1072.
    "Tough crowd."
  1073. 1073.
    >"Okay everypony, it's snacktiiiiiiiiime~!"
  1074. 1074.
    >Your beautiful wife Derpy emerges from the kitchen with a plate of freshly-baked muffins.
  1075. 1075.
    >Awww, she tied her mane in a pony tail, just the way you like it!
  1076. 1076.
    >The yellow apron she's wearing does almost nothing to hide her swollen pregnant belly.
  1077. 1077.
    >It's hard to believe you're already on your fifth foal, but Derpy doesn't seem to mind at all.
  1078. 1078.
    "Thanks for the save, babe."
  1079. 1079.
    >You affectionately nuzzle Derpy as she places her plate of baked goods on the coffee table.
  1080. 1080.
    >Your little ponies immediately attack the plate, sending muffin crumbs flying in every direction.
  1081. 1081.
    >"Yay!"
  1082. 1082.
    >"Snackies!"
  1083. 1083.
    >"Yummy!"
  1084. 1084.
    >Their little squeals of delight quickly fill the living room with a chaotic symphony of gratitude.
  1085. 1085.
    >That's four more satisfied customers!
  1086. 1086.
    >It's truly a blessing that Derpy knows her way around the kitchen.
  1087. 1087.
    >You, on the other hoof, couldn't cook your way out of a paper bag.
  1088. 1088.
    >It also helps that your mill provides a near endless supply of flour for Derpy to work her culinary magic.
  1089. 1089.
    >Note to self: build another storeroom for excess wheat.
  1090. 1090.
    >You would've used the empty space upstairs, but nearly all of it was converted into rooms for the foals.
  1091. 1091.
    >Damnit, if only this mill/house was just a wee bit bigger...
  1092. 1092.
    >Derpy offers you a muffin, briefly snapping you out of Thoughtville for a moment.
  1093. 1093.
    >*MUNCH*
  1094. 1094.
    >Mmmm~! Tastes like chocolate chip, your favorite flavor!
  1095. 1095.
    >"How are they?" She asks expectantly.
  1096. 1096.
    "They're delicious, as usual!" You proclaim while striking a dorky pose.
  1097. 1097.
    >Derpy tries and fails to contain her laughter.
  1098. 1098.
     
  1099. 1099.
    Part XXIV:
  1100. 1100.
    >Your offspring quickly regather at the fireplace rug, eager to hear more of the tale that brought you and Derpy together.
  1101. 1101.
    >"Anooooon, are you telling our silly love story agaaaaaaaain~?" Derpy teases.
  1102. 1102.
    "What can I say?" You grin. "It's my favorite."
  1103. 1103.
    >"Come listen with us, Mommy!"
  1104. 1104.
    >Your son Lucky pats a spot on the rug and erratically flaps his little green wings.
  1105. 1105.
    >Derpy tries to oblige him, but her massive belly is making that a bit of a challenge.
  1106. 1106.
    >You scramble over to help your swollen wife lie down, being extra careful to not accidentally hurt her in the process.
  1107. 1107.
    >"Oh thank you, love muffin~!" She bats her eyelashes at you.
  1108. 1108.
    "Don't mention it, babe." You smile.
  1109. 1109.
    >Lucky's derped green eyes light up like a Christmas tree when Derpy pulls him in for a snuggle.
  1110. 1110.
    >Your other foals chirp excitedly and build a little pillow fort around their mother.
  1111. 1111.
    >"Oh no, I forgot to get a muffin!" Derpy scrunches her snout and makes a sad face.
  1112. 1112.
    >"I'll get one for you, Mommy!"
  1113. 1113.
    >Lucky squirms out of her grasp and flies right into the coffee table.
  1114. 1114.
    >"Oof!" he cries out.
  1115. 1115.
    >Like mother like son.
  1116. 1116.
    >You reach towards the plate and offer him one of the remaining muffins.
  1117. 1117.
    >"Thank you, Daddy!"
  1118. 1118.
    >You chuckle at his adorable clumsiness.
  1119. 1119.
    "Anytime, champ."
  1120. 1120.
    >You watch as the little colt haphazardly glides back to Derpy and gives her the muffin.
  1121. 1121.
    "Alright, is everypony ready now?"
  1122. 1122.
    >They all answer you with a cute little "Mmmhmm!" and settle into the mound of pillows.
  1123. 1123.
    >You quickly gobble down the rest of your muffin and slip into the ol' 'storyteller' vibes.
  1124. 1124.
    "Very well." You scratch your chin. "Now where was I?"
  1125. 1125.
    >"At the gross part..." Downburst sighs.
  1126. 1126.
    >You walk up to your daughter and lift her chin.
  1127. 1127.
    "Don't worry sweetie, Daddy is skipping the gross parts from now on, okay?"
  1128. 1128.
    >She looks into your eyes and smiles.
  1129. 1129.
    >"Okay." She practically whispers.
  1130. 1130.
    >You sit back in your comfy chair, ready to finish what you started.
  1131. 1131.
     
  1132. 1132.
    Part XXV:
  1133. 1133.
    >One passionate night later...
  1134. 1134.
    >You're awakened by a warm beam of sunlight peeking through the nearby window.
  1135. 1135.
    "Ugh, morning already?"
  1136. 1136.
    >You yawn and roll to the side, colliding with something soft.
  1137. 1137.
    "Huh?"
  1138. 1138.
    >Something stirs beneath the sheets.
  1139. 1139.
    >"Mmmm~!"
  1140. 1140.
    >Strike that, somePONY stirs beneath the sheets.
  1141. 1141.
    >You immediately snap out of your half-asleep daze and begin to panic.
  1142. 1142.
    >Who in their right mind would break into your home and sleep in your bed?!
  1143. 1143.
    >You stare at the muffin pattern blanket and...wait a minute, you don't have muffin pattern blankets.
  1144. 1144.
    >Then it dawns on you: this isn't your house.
  1145. 1145.
    >Derpy's head pokes out from the covers, her frazzled blonde mane sticking out in every direction.
  1146. 1146.
    >She slowly blinks each eye individually before looking up at you.
  1147. 1147.
    >"Good morning, Anon~!"
  1148. 1148.
    >That bubbly voice of hers somehow manages to calm your nerves.
  1149. 1149.
    >"You really...*huff*...s-showed me a good time last night~!" She squeaks. "Thank you."
  1150. 1150.
    >The amorous mare scoots over for a morning snuggle.
  1151. 1151.
    >You instinctively snuggle Derpy back, pulling her in for a tender morning kiss.
  1152. 1152.
    >Her ears twitch in response to the unexpected lip action.
  1153. 1153.
    >She's so damn adorkable!
  1154. 1154.
    >Frankly, it's bizarre how all of this affection feels...NATURAL...
  1155. 1155.
    >You've only known Derpy for half a day, and yet you're already treating her like she's your wife.
  1156. 1156.
    >This almost feels like being in a sappy love story or something.
  1157. 1157.
    >"Want some breakfast?"
  1158. 1158.
    >Derpy places a hoof on your face and smiles.
  1159. 1159.
     
  1160. 1160.
    Part XXVI:
  1161. 1161.
    >The peppy pegasus dons a yellow apron, ties her mane into a ponytail, and invites you to take a seat at the dining room table.
  1162. 1162.
    >She hums a cheerful tune as she works her culinary magic, trotting all over the kitchen on a hunt for various things.
  1163. 1163.
    >You're soon treated to the smell of something truly delicious.
  1164. 1164.
    >'What could she be making?' You wonder.
  1165. 1165.
    >Pancakes?
  1166. 1166.
    >French Toast?
  1167. 1167.
    >An omelet perhaps?
  1168. 1168.
    >"Special delivery, Anoooooon~!"
  1169. 1169.
    >The mare slides you a plate stacked a foot high with pancakes.
  1170. 1170.
    >You instinctively reach out a hoof to stop the tower of cakes from splattering all over your face.
  1171. 1171.
    >Wow, Derpy's stronger than she looks.
  1172. 1172.
    >The mare serves herself an equally tall stack of pancakes and joins you at the table.
  1173. 1173.
    >"Lemme know what you think, o-of the pancakes I mean!" She sheepishly requests.
  1174. 1174.
    >Derpy drowns her pancakes in maple syrup and then passes the bottle to you.
  1175. 1175.
    >You're a bit more conservative with the syrup, opting for a thin layer that won't immediately vaporize your teeth with an ocean of sweetness.
  1176. 1176.
    >One bite is all it takes to send you into a feeding frenzy.
  1177. 1177.
    >*NOM NOM*
  1178. 1178.
    >Dayum, this chick can cook!
  1179. 1179.
    >You hungrily gobble down the breakfast as though you're on death row.
  1180. 1180.
    "Dere berry dewishus!" You exclaim. "Sho fwuffy! Sho choohey! Sho fuww of fwavuh!"
  1181. 1181.
    >"Huh?" Derpy tilts her head in confusion.
  1182. 1182.
    >Oh right, mouthful of food.
  1183. 1183.
    >You take a moment to swallow.
  1184. 1184.
    "I said this is very delicious!" You clarify. "They're so fluffy, so chewey, so full of flaavor!"
  1185. 1185.
    >Derpy replies with a delicate laugh that almost sounds like crying.
  1186. 1186.
    >"That means a lot to me Anon, thank you."
  1187. 1187.
    >You scoot your chair over and nuzzle her.
  1188. 1188.
    >Damn, if you don't stop with the lovey-dovey stuff, you might begin to LIKE it.
  1189. 1189.
    >Then again, Derpy certainly appreciates your affections, so why not just give the mare what she needs?
  1190. 1190.
     
  1191. 1191.
    Part XXVI:
  1192. 1192.
    >The peppy pegasus dons a yellow apron, ties her mane into a ponytail, and invites you to take a seat at the dining room table.
  1193. 1193.
    >She hums a cheerful tune as she works her culinary magic, trotting all over the kitchen on a hunt for various things.
  1194. 1194.
    >You're soon treated to the smell of something truly delicious.
  1195. 1195.
    >'What could she be making?' You wonder.
  1196. 1196.
    >Pancakes?
  1197. 1197.
    >French Toast?
  1198. 1198.
    >An omelet perhaps?
  1199. 1199.
    >"Special delivery, Anoooooon~!"
  1200. 1200.
    >The mare slides you a plate stacked a foot high with pancakes.
  1201. 1201.
    >You instinctively reach out a hoof to stop the tower of cakes from splattering all over your face.
  1202. 1202.
    >Wow, Derpy's stronger than she looks.
  1203. 1203.
    >The mare serves herself an equally tall stack of pancakes and joins you at the table.
  1204. 1204.
    >"Lemme know what you think, o-of the pancakes I mean!" She sheepishly requests.
  1205. 1205.
    >Derpy drowns her pancakes in maple syrup and then passes the bottle to you.
  1206. 1206.
    >You're a bit more conservative with the syrup, opting for a thin layer that won't immediately vaporize your teeth with an ocean of sweetness.
  1207. 1207.
    >One bite is all it takes to send you into a feeding frenzy.
  1208. 1208.
    >*NOM NOM*
  1209. 1209.
    >Dayum, this chick can cook!
  1210. 1210.
    >You hungrily gobble down the breakfast as though you're on death row.
  1211. 1211.
    "Dere berry dewishus!" You exclaim. "Sho fwuffy! Sho choohey! Sho fuww of fwavuh!"
  1212. 1212.
    >"Huh?" Derpy tilts her head in confusion.
  1213. 1213.
    >Oh right, mouthful of food.
  1214. 1214.
    >You take a moment to swallow.
  1215. 1215.
    "I said this is very delicious!" You clarify. "They're so fluffy, so chewy, so full of flavor!"
  1216. 1216.
    >Derpy replies with a delicate laugh that almost sounds like crying.
  1217. 1217.
    >"That means a lot to me Anon, thank you."
  1218. 1218.
    >You scoot your chair over and nuzzle her.
  1219. 1219.
    >Damn, if you don't stop with the lovey dovey stuff, you might begin to LIKE it.
  1220. 1220.
    >Then again, Derpy certainly appreciates your affections, so why not just give the mare what she needs?
  1221. 1221.
     
  1222. 1222.
    Part XXVII:
  1223. 1223.
    >Your ears perk up when the kitchen clock chimes nine times in a row.
  1224. 1224.
    >Oh bits, the deliveries!
  1225. 1225.
    "Sorry, but I gotta go Derpy."
  1226. 1226.
    >You excuse yourself from the table and begin trotting towards the front door.
  1227. 1227.
    "Thanks for everything, especially those pancakes!" You hastily exclaim.
  1228. 1228.
    >How could you have forgotten about today's grain deliveries?!
  1229. 1229.
    >Yeah yeah, you got swept up in a night of romance with a wonderful mare, but this is your livelihood.
  1230. 1230.
    >It's pretty damn difficult to woo a mate when you're broke and homeless.
  1231. 1231.
    >"You...don't have to leave, Anon."
  1232. 1232.
    >Her somber voice has you stopping in your tracks.
  1233. 1233.
    >"Last night... wasn't just a one-time thing, right?" She whimpers.
  1234. 1234.
    >You turn to see the mare staring at her half-eaten breakfast.
  1235. 1235.
    >Well, that's quite the unexpected reaction.
  1236. 1236.
    >Time to course correct before this budding relationship crashes and burns.
  1237. 1237.
    >Without a word, you gallop over to the distressed mare and practically smother her with the biggest hug you can muster.
  1238. 1238.
    >"Oof~?!"
  1239. 1239.
    >Derpy instinctively pulls away in surprise, but you reel her back in before she can get away.
  1240. 1240.
    >The aderpable pegasus immediately melts in your embrace.
  1241. 1241.
    >"Mmmmmm~!"
  1242. 1242.
    >Now THAT'S the kind of sound you want to hear from Derpy.
  1243. 1243.
    >She quickly wraps her forelegs around you and happily mewls.
  1244. 1244.
    "Derpy, I have no intention of leaving you."
  1245. 1245.
    >You loosen your grip on Derpy just enough to look her straight in the eye.
  1246. 1246.
    >"Really?"
  1247. 1247.
    >Her tone sounds like a mix of hope and skepticism.
  1248. 1248.
    "Really."
  1249. 1249.
    >You gently pat her on the head and smile.
  1250. 1250.
    "But I do have some work to do back home."
  1251. 1251.
    >You steal a kiss from her and gently break off the hug.
  1252. 1252.
    >The blush on Derpy's beautiful face has you feeling all sorts of ways, but sadly there's no time for horsing around.
  1253. 1253.
    >"Work?" Her eyes widen. "Oh my gosh, I'm gonna be late too!"
  1254. 1254.
    >Derpy knocks over her chair and flies upstairs with surprising speed.
  1255. 1255.
     
  1256. 1256.
    Part XXVIII:
  1257. 1257.
    >Your ears pick up on a strange series of thumping and clanking sounds coming from above the kitchen.
  1258. 1258.
    >What on earth is she doing up there?
  1259. 1259.
    >The panicked pegasus suddenly stumbles down the stairs and lands face first on the floor.
  1260. 1260.
    >"Owwwwwwwww!"
  1261. 1261.
    >You scramble over and help Derpy to her hooves.
  1262. 1262.
    >Judging by the brown postal workers' uniform, it's safe to assume she works at the post office.
  1263. 1263.
    >One can only imagine how a mare this clumsy can function as a mailmare, but crazier things have happened.
  1264. 1264.
    >"Oh, thank you Anooooooon~!"
  1265. 1265.
    >You chuckle and adjust her hat so she can actually see you.
  1266. 1266.
    "Anytime, Derpy."
  1267. 1267.
    >Together, the two of you trot into Ponyville to tackle the day.
  1268. 1268.
    >"Hey Anoooon~?"
  1269. 1269.
    "What's on your mind, babe?"
  1270. 1270.
    >Damn, that nickname sounded way cooler in your head.
  1271. 1271.
    >"You wanna get some dinner after work?"
  1272. 1272.
    >There's no way in tartarus a stallion would say no, not with that radiant sparkle in her eyes.
  1273. 1273.
    "I'd love to."
  1274. 1274.
    >She clops her hooves together and squees with joy.
  1275. 1275.
    >"Yaaaaaaay~!"
  1276. 1276.
    >She stumbles over and nuzzles you until your face turns beet red.
  1277. 1277.
    >"See you later, Anon!"
  1278. 1278.
    >Derpy waves and takes off, only to fly head first into a low hanging sign on the other side of the street.
  1279. 1279.
    >"Oops!"
  1280. 1280.
    >You notice some nearby townsponies stopping to stare at Derpy as she tries to correct her flight pattern.
  1281. 1281.
    >Geez, does everpony always stop to make a spectacle of the poor mare's clumsiness?!
  1282. 1282.
    >Thankfully she recovers quickly and disappears somewhere downtown.
  1283. 1283.
    >You stretch your wings and take to the skies, ready for this boring day of work to end before it even begins.
  1284. 1284.
    >Soon the old windmill comes into view, its four wooden blades slowly turning in the morning wind.
  1285. 1285.
    >You take a deep breath and give your wings a hard flap to gain some speed.
  1286. 1286.
    >*MAGICK NOISES*
  1287. 1287.
     
  1288. 1288.
    Part XXIX:
  1289. 1289.
    "What the buck?!"
  1290. 1290.
    >You're sent hurtling towards the ground by a large purple...something.
  1291. 1291.
    >You turn your wings upwards to try and regain altitude, but it's too late.
  1292. 1292.
    >Some passersby scream and gallop out of the way.
  1293. 1293.
    >Your body collides with a stone bridge before landing in the river below.
  1294. 1294.
    >*SPLASH*
  1295. 1295.
    >The cold water shocks you awake, temporarily numbing the pain that's chewing away at your nerves.
  1296. 1296.
    >You scramble to the shoreline and gasp for air.
  1297. 1297.
    >Before you can even blink, a familiar purple horse lands on the ground with enough force to create a small crater.
  1298. 1298.
    >You rub your eyes and try to ignore the searing pain in your side.
  1299. 1299.
    "Princess?!"
  1300. 1300.
    >You stare in disbelief at the purple alicorn angrily staggering toward you with a bottle of...booze in her hoof?
  1301. 1301.
    >"I shtill can't beliebe you *hic* chose that durpy dorkadoofus ovurr meeeee!"
  1302. 1302.
    >Yep, that's definitely alcohol she's drinking.
  1303. 1303.
    >Twilight utters a disgusting burp and trips over a rock.
  1304. 1304.
    >"A'hm uh princhesh for Sheleshtia's shake!"
  1305. 1305.
    >The drunk pony leans her body against yours for support, but even then she can barely stand.
  1306. 1306.
    >"What shatllion WOULDN'T *urp* wan to date royaltee?!"
  1307. 1307.
    >You take a closer look at the inebriated mare and gasp.
  1308. 1308.
    >Her colors...they've faded.
  1309. 1309.
    >What's even weirder is the fact that your own coat seems to be a lot brighter.
  1310. 1310.
    >No time to figure out what's going on right now.
  1311. 1311.
    >You try to pull away but she holds you in place with a sloppy blob of magic.
  1312. 1312.
    >"Ohhhhhhhh no ya don't!" She shouts.
  1313. 1313.
    >Ponies begin to gather around the two of you, further increasing the awkwardness of this bizarre situation.
  1314. 1314.
    >You know you're going to regret this, but it's better than everypony thinking you're an asshat.
  1315. 1315.
    "It's alright everypony.
  1316. 1316.
    >You turn to address the concerned crowd.
  1317. 1317.
    "Princess Twilight isn't feeling well, that's all."
  1318. 1318.
    >The ponies murmur among themselves without taking their eyes off of you.
  1319. 1319.
    "I'll let her rest at my place for the time being."
  1320. 1320.
    >With a grunt of effort, you break free from her magic and sling her over your back.
  1321. 1321.
    >"Wha-?!" Twilight cries out in surprise.
  1322. 1322.
    >You ignore her protests and carry her towards your house.
  1323. 1323.
    >"Whaddya thing you're doowing?! Lemme go dis *hic* instand!!!"
  1324. 1324.
     
  1325. 1325.
    Part XXX:
  1326. 1326.
    >You gently drop the horse princess on your living room couch.
  1327. 1327.
    >*POMF*
  1328. 1328.
    >"Oof?! Wut is da meening uf dis, Anuuuun?!"
  1329. 1329.
    >Twilight squirms around on the cushions, but alas, she is far too shitfaced drunk to even sit up straight.
  1330. 1330.
    >You take this moment to snatch her bottle of booze away and head to the kitchen.
  1331. 1331.
    >The foul-smelling liquid sizzles as it flows down the drain.
  1332. 1332.
    >How do ponies drink this slop?!
  1333. 1333.
    >With the deed done, you decide to grab a blanket from the hallway closet on the way back.
  1334. 1334.
    >Upon returning to the living room, you're shocked to see Twilight opening a fresh bottle of...whatever it is she was drinking.
  1335. 1335.
    >Oh right, she's magical.
  1336. 1336.
    >You sigh and throw the blanket right in her face.
  1337. 1337.
    >Twilight mumbles some unintelligible gibberish before pulling the blanket down just enough to take another swig.
  1338. 1338.
    >Time to get to the bottom of this madness before YOU start drinking.
  1339. 1339.
    "Okay Twilight, why the buck are you drinking yourself to death?"
  1340. 1340.
    >More indistinguishable dialogue flows from her muffled snout.
  1341. 1341.
    "Maybe we should talk later, when you can actually talk?"
  1342. 1342.
    >You sigh and pull the blanket over her head.
  1343. 1343.
    "Get some rest, you crazy purple pony."
  1344. 1344.
    >Twilight squeaks and suddenly lurches forward.
  1345. 1345.
    >The alicorn's quivering hooves barely graze your neck as you matrix dodge her surprise attack.
  1346. 1346.
    >You sigh and trot back to the kitchen while she slumps back in defeat.
  1347. 1347.
    >Twilight's groans of frustration are admittedly cute, but not cute enough for you to forgive her drunken rampage.
  1348. 1348.
    >Five hours later....
  1349. 1349.
    >You help Cherry Berry load up her cart with the last of today's delivery orders.
  1350. 1350.
    >"Thanks for the help, Anon!" She waves to you with a smile.
  1351. 1351.
    "No prob." You wave back like a dingus.
  1352. 1352.
    >"See you tomorrow!"
  1353. 1353.
    >Cherry Berry once again trots off towards the landing platform.
  1354. 1354.
    >Where the buck does that mare get all of her peppiness?
  1355. 1355.
    >Your aching hooves stumble through the front door and practically collapse on the living room floor.
  1356. 1356.
    >How could you have forgotten that today was going to be such a busy day for shipments?
  1357. 1357.
    >"Hello, Anonymous..."
  1358. 1358.
    >Your head bolts upright as the sound of Twilight's voice permeates the room.
  1359. 1359.
    >At least she sounds sober this time.
  1360. 1360.
     
  1361. 1361.
    Part XXXI:
  1362. 1362.
    >Twilight beckons to you with a hoof patting the empty couch cushion next to her.
  1363. 1363.
    >If this is your chance to find out what the buck is going on, then you have to take it.
  1364. 1364.
    >You reluctantly take a seat next to Twilight.
  1365. 1365.
    >The distressed mare stares at the floor, her face awash with despair (and possibly a hangover).
  1366. 1366.
    >"Anon, I-" She bites her trembling lip.
  1367. 1367.
    >Oh boy, here it comes.
  1368. 1368.
    >The sappy apology that's supposed to fix everything and make everypony live happily ever after.
  1369. 1369.
    >"I still don't understand."
  1370. 1370.
    "Understand what?" You cock your head in confusion.
  1371. 1371.
    >Twilight's head slowly turns until her eyes meet yours.
  1372. 1372.
    >"Why didn't you choose me to be your special somepony?"
  1373. 1373.
    >Tears stream down her cheeks.
  1374. 1374.
    >"Couldn't I make you happy the way Derpy does?"
  1375. 1375.
    >This doesn't sound like an apology. AT ALL.
  1376. 1376.
    >With the way she's behaving, one would think you cheated on her or something.
  1377. 1377.
    "Twilight, we've been over this already."
  1378. 1378.
    >You wipe the tears from her eyes.
  1379. 1379.
    "I wasn't looking for a one night stand, especially when magical princesses are involved."
  1380. 1380.
    >As much as you would've LOVED to rut this mare stupid at the time, it would've been pointless without the love to justify it.
  1381. 1381.
    >You can't even BEGIN to imagine the PR problems that a princess marrying a commoner would create.
  1382. 1382.
    >"It didn't have to be a one-off mating!" She protests.
  1383. 1383.
    >You physically recoil from Twilight's unexpected shouting.
  1384. 1384.
    >"My books on pony courtship didn't say to *hic* jump directly into mating b-but-"
  1385. 1385.
    >She's beginning to lose her self-restraint.
  1386. 1386.
    >"-it was all I could think of to help you in the moment!"
  1387. 1387.
    >She throws her body into yours and completely breaks down crying.
  1388. 1388.
    >"We could've *sniffle* made it work, Anon!"
  1389. 1389.
    >She wraps her forelegs around you in a surprising vice grip that's impossible to escape.
  1390. 1390.
    >Your shoulder quickly becomes soaked with the pony's tears.
  1391. 1391.
    >Without even thinking, you hug Twilight close and gently pat her on the head.
  1392. 1392.
    >The purple pony coos with approval and snuggles you even more.
  1393. 1393.
    >Dear Celestia, give you strength.
  1394. 1394.
     
  1395. 1395.
    Part XXXII:
  1396. 1396.
    >"I saw you, saw US, together." Twilight laments. "Our love was so beautiful..."
  1397. 1397.
    >The words coming out of her mouth are making less and less sense.
  1398. 1398.
    >Wait a minute, is she still drunk?
  1399. 1399.
    "Please stop speaking in riddles you dorky dingus."
  1400. 1400.
    >She pulls away from you and sighs.
  1401. 1401.
    >"There exists a timeline where you chose me as your special somepony, and we became a happy couple...just like I wanted."
  1402. 1402.
    >Her horn ignites with a burst of fiery purple magic.
  1403. 1403.
    >"I can show you, if you'd like." The faintest smile crosses her lips.
  1404. 1404.
    "Wait a minute Twilight, are you saying you can just create timelines out of thin air?!"
  1405. 1405.
    >Your eyes widen until it feels like they're going to pop out of your skull.
  1406. 1406.
    >Alicorns always were toted as the most powerful of the pony tribes, but time traveling is a whole new level of insanity.
  1407. 1407.
    >The purple princess pony shakes her head, much to your personal relief.
  1408. 1408.
    >"No Anon, these timelines are merely theoretical."
  1409. 1409.
    >She jumps down from the couch and stretches her legs.
  1410. 1410.
    >"If one knows where and how to look, one can find endless possibilities scattered across the infinite plane of spacetime."
  1411. 1411.
    >Brain.exe has stopped working.
  1412. 1412.
    >"But these infinite possibilities have one fatal flaw: they can be seen, but cannot be touched."
  1413. 1413.
    >You raise a hoof to interject, but it's too late.
  1414. 1414.
    >The thousand and one questions bouncing around in your mind are quickly silenced as Twilight's eyes begin to glow bright white.
  1415. 1415.
    >Without another word, she tears open a strange portal right in the middle of your living room.
  1416. 1416.
    >"Come, my dear Anon."
  1417. 1417.
    >She points towards the portal, where something begins to take shape at its center.
  1418. 1418.
    >"Witness the reality that could have been, but *sad noises* never will be."
  1419. 1419.
    >She wipes her sniffling snout and tries to put on a brave face, but you know deep down that whatever's in this portal is tearing her apart on the inside.
  1420. 1420.
    >You take a deep breath and move towards the glowing cosmic window of "infinite possibilities".
  1421. 1421.
    >It's best if you humor the poor mare, lest she break down crying again.
  1422. 1422.
    >You slowly peer into the portal, not quite sure of what to expect.
  1423. 1423.
    "Holy bits."
  1424. 1424.
     
  1425. 1425.
    Part XXXIII:
  1426. 1426.
    >Your mouth hangs open at the scene unfolding within the portal.
  1427. 1427.
    >It starts off as a beautiful sunny day in Canterlot.
  1428. 1428.
    >Thousands of ponies gather in the central courtyard, excitedly talking amongst themselves about some kind of "royal announcement".
  1429. 1429.
    >Suddenly a purple alicorn dressed in her royal best walks out onto the royal balcony, accompanied by a tall purple dragon.
  1430. 1430.
    >Is...Is that Twilight? Wow, she's almost as tall as Celestia!
  1431. 1431.
    >The crowd erupts into a frenzy with loud cheers and thundering applause.
  1432. 1432.
    >"Greetings, my faithful subjects!" The princess smiles.
  1433. 1433.
    >Her audience responds with even louder shouts of joy.
  1434. 1434.
    >"We are gathered here today for a very special occasion."
  1435. 1435.
    >The crowd quickly falls silent.
  1436. 1436.
    >"The Diamond Dog kingdom has officially signed our Equestrian Alliance treaty!"
  1437. 1437.
    >She pumps her hoof into the air, sending the crowd into an enthusiastic frenzy.
  1438. 1438.
    >"Yes, this miraculous diplomatic feat was made possible thanks to the efforts of my royal assistant Spike..."
  1439. 1439.
    >Twilight gestures towards her dragon companion, who humbly waves to the crowd.
  1440. 1440.
    >"...And my dear husband, Prince Anon!"
  1441. 1441.
    >On cue, you emerge from the shadows and stand next to Twilight.
  1442. 1442.
    >You hug her close and smile at the thousands of ponies celebrating the news.
  1443. 1443.
    >"With this new alliance secured, Equestria is one step closer to a future that will make our foals and grandfoals proud!" She proudly declares.
  1444. 1444.
    >No less than ten foals eagerly scramble out from the shadows to join you and Twilight on the balcony.
  1445. 1445.
    >Their cries of delight are nothing short of adorable.
  1446. 1446.
    >Some of them look like you, some of them look like Twilight, and some of them look like the result of putting you and Twilight in a blender.
  1447. 1447.
    >Twilight affectionately nuzzles them and then turns to you with a sparkle in her eyes.
  1448. 1448.
    >You grin and lean in to return her affections.
  1449. 1449.
    >"We may need to sire a few more heirs to fully populate our castle, my prince." She whispers.
  1450. 1450.
    >Twilight bats her eyelashes at you and utters a seductive whinny.
  1451. 1451.
    >Both you and your alternate counterpart begin turning beet red.
  1452. 1452.
     
  1453. 1453.
    Part XXXIV:
  1454. 1454.
    >"Do you see now, Anon?"
  1455. 1455.
    >Twilight startles you with a surprise nuzzle.
  1456. 1456.
    >"We were meant for one another."
  1457. 1457.
    >You try to back away but end up tripping over your own hooves and falling to the floor.
  1458. 1458.
    >"We can do great things for one another-"
  1459. 1459.
    >The mare teleports on top of you before you can even react.
  1460. 1460.
    >"-and for our great nation of Equestria..."
  1461. 1461.
    >She leans in until her lips are mere inches away from yours.
  1462. 1462.
    >Those purple sparkly eyes of hers have you completely entranced.
  1463. 1463.
    >Oh no, this is getting bad.
  1464. 1464.
    >You have to do everthing in your power to resist Twilight's regal/dorky charms, for Derpy's sake.
  1465. 1465.
    >Her alicorn body is surprisingly heavy, easily keeping you pinned to the floor despite your copious amounts of struggling.
  1466. 1466.
    >Either that or she's using magic to keep you from moving.
  1467. 1467.
    "Derpy, please forgive me." You choke out.
  1468. 1468.
    >You close your eyes and try to turn your head before her lips find yours.
  1469. 1469.
    >*CRRREEEEAAAAAAK*
  1470. 1470.
    >"Haiiiiii Anoooooon~!"
  1471. 1471.
    >The sounds of a familiar voice quickly fill your living room.
  1472. 1472.
    >"Is everything okaaaaaay~? I didn't see you at the rest-"
  1473. 1473.
    >Her cheerful voice cuts off right as the door fully opens.
  1474. 1474.
    >You and Twilight turn to face the visiting pony in stunned silence.
  1475. 1475.
    >There stands your marefriend Derpy, her eyes wide with shock.
  1476. 1476.
    >"A-Anon?! P-Princess Twilight?!" She cries out in surprise. "What the muffins is going on?!"
  1477. 1477.
    >She stumbles forward and stares at the two of you in disbelief.
  1478. 1478.
    >Twilight smiles nervously and quickly scrambles off of you.
  1479. 1479.
    >"Greetings, Derpy!" She tries to mask her embarrassment with a bubbly tone. "W-What brings you to Anon's house at this hour? Heh heh-"
  1480. 1480.
    >Derpy stares at Twilight for a few moments before ultimately focusing on you.
  1481. 1481.
    >"Anon...w-were you trying to *sniffle* give love to Twilight?"
  1482. 1482.
    >You frantically shake your head and try to respond, but she breaks down crying and crumples to the floor.
  1483. 1483.
     
  1484. 1484.
    Part XXXV:
  1485. 1485.
    >If this shitshow doesn't get resolved here and now, you'll risk losing Derpy forever.
  1486. 1486.
    >Think idiot, THINK!
  1487. 1487.
    "Derpy, please listen."
  1488. 1488.
    >You jump to your hooves and slowly approach the distraught mare.
  1489. 1489.
    "It's not what it looked like."
  1490. 1490.
    >Twilight mumbles something under her breath, but you can't quite hear it.
  1491. 1491.
    >Nevermind that now, there will be time to deal with that horny homewrecker later.
  1492. 1492.
    >You wrap your forelegs around Derpy and hold her close.
  1493. 1493.
    "I know this is going to sound corny, but-"
  1494. 1494.
    >Her shaking hooves immediately wrap themselves around you.
  1495. 1495.
    "-I would never, EVER cheat on you."
  1496. 1496.
    >The frazzled pegasus looks up at you and whinnies in a shaky voice.
  1497. 1497.
    >Oh dear Celestia there's so much pain in her eyes.
  1498. 1498.
    >You gently wipe away Derpy's tears and lean in for a kiss.
  1499. 1499.
    "I love you, Derpy."
  1500. 1500.
    >She hesitates at first, but ultimately succumbs to your affections.
  1501. 1501.
    >*One long sloppy make out session later...*
  1502. 1502.
    >Derpy finally calms down, but something tells you she's still troubled.
  1503. 1503.
    >"B-But Anon, if you weren't loving Twilight...."
  1504. 1504.
    >She wipes her snout and takes a deep breath.
  1505. 1505.
    >"Then why was she on top of you?"
  1506. 1506.
    >Her good eye stares right into yours.
  1507. 1507.
    >How in the tartarus are you supposed to explain this?!
  1508. 1508.
    "You see, what happened was: SOMEPONY got a little to excited about her magical mumbo-jumbo!"
  1509. 1509.
    >You grunt and turn to glare at Twilight, who is too busy being engrossed in her magic portal to notice.
  1510. 1510.
    >"Huh?" Derpy blinks.
  1511. 1511.
    "I think it would be easier to show than tell."
  1512. 1512.
    >You sigh and motion towards the shimmering portal that's floating in front of Twilight.
  1513. 1513.
    >Dayum, Twilight is panting like a dog on a summer street.
  1514. 1514.
    >You can only imagine what's happening in the portal now.
  1515. 1515.
     
  1516. 1516.
    Part XXXVI:
  1517. 1517.
    "Ahem, earth to Twilight!" You cup your mouth. "Come in, Twilight! We're losing you!"
  1518. 1518.
    >"Huh?! Wha-?"
  1519. 1519.
    >She quickly turns to face you and Derpy with another awkward smile.
  1520. 1520.
    >"Oh hey guys, what's...ummm...up?"
  1521. 1521.
    >You snort at her awkward attempt at humor.
  1522. 1522.
    "Mind explaining why you tried to mate with me just now?"
  1523. 1523.
    >Derpy clings to you and impatiently mewls.
  1524. 1524.
    >Twilight sighs and takes a moment to gather her thoughts.
  1525. 1525.
    >"I know you and Anon have been and ITEM since Hearts and Hooves."
  1526. 1526.
    "...And?" You raise an eyebrow.
  1527. 1527.
    >"And I was just saying it's not too late to consider your options!"
  1528. 1528.
    >Her nervous giggle has your blood boiling.
  1529. 1529.
    >"You're a nice mare and all, Derpy, but-"
  1530. 1530.
    >"But what?" Derpy scrunches her snout.
  1531. 1531.
    >"-But the truth is that logically speaking, I would be better suited for Anon."
  1532. 1532.
    >Derpy's eyes widen with shock.
  1533. 1533.
    >"Everypony knows you're a humble, albeit clumsy, pony who always tries her best."
  1534. 1534.
    >Oh dear Celestia, is Twilight TRYING to make Derpy cry?
  1535. 1535.
    >"But doesn't Anon deserve more than a common villager?"
  1536. 1536.
    >Your hooves begin shaking with rage at the alicorn's dismissive attitude towards Derpy.
  1537. 1537.
    >"If you would please consider this alternate timeline, I'm sure we'll all agree that Anon can do the most good for Equestria by marrying me."
  1538. 1538.
    >She points towards the glowing portal, which is now showing you and Twilight making out after a successful diplomatic meeting of some kind.
  1539. 1539.
    >Damn, this alicorn is thirsty.
  1540. 1540.
    >"And royal status isn't the only thing I have to offer!"
  1541. 1541.
    >Twilight places a hoof on her chest and proudly smiles as she continues.
  1542. 1542.
    >"I've also procured great group of friends that save Equestria on a regular basis, my superior trivia knowledge is unmatched, and-"
  1543. 1543.
    >"You mean you're trying to *sniff* take Anon away from me?" Derpy asks in a small voice.
  1544. 1544.
    >"Oh no, of course not!" Twilight quickly backpedals. "At the end of the day this is Anon's decision, I'm just trying to help him make the correct one."
  1545. 1545.
    >This conversation is quickly spiraling into lunacy, and neither you nor Derpy need this nonsense in your lives.
  1546. 1546.
    "Don't worry babe."
  1547. 1547.
    >You hug Derpy close and gently nuzzle her.
  1548. 1548.
    "No silly alicorn shenanigans are going to take me away from you."
  1549. 1549.
    >Derpy mewls and snuggles into you for comfort, which you have no problem providing for her.
  1550. 1550.
    >"A-Are you sure you won't reconsider?" Twilight begs with big puppy dog eyes. "It's not just about us, it's also about creating a brighter future for all of ponykind."
  1551. 1551.
    >She steps closer and slowly places a hoof on your face.
  1552. 1552.
    >"Please don't be foolish, my dear Anon."
  1553. 1553.
     
  1554. 1554.
    Part XXXVII:
  1555. 1555.
    >This is too much.
  1556. 1556.
    >THIS IS JUST.
  1557. 1557.
    >TOO.
  1558. 1558.
    >BUCKING.
  1559. 1559.
    >MUCH.
  1560. 1560.
    "ENOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUGH!"
  1561. 1561.
    >You stomp your hoof and shout with enough ferocity to rattle the upper rafters.
  1562. 1562.
    "I'VE MADE MY DECISION TWILIGHT, AND DERPY IS MY MAREFRIEND!"
  1563. 1563.
    >Twilight stumbles backwards as your booming voice echoes throughout the mill.
  1564. 1564.
    >You feel Derpy shaking against you, no doubt scared from all the yelling.
  1565. 1565.
    >It's time to calm down before she becomes too worried.
  1566. 1566.
    >You stop, take a deep breath, and try to regain your composure.
  1567. 1567.
    "Derpy IS a humble hard-working pony, but her clumsiness isn't as damning as you make it out to be, Twilight."
  1568. 1568.
    >The princess tries to interject but you raise a hoof to stop her.
  1569. 1569.
    "Sometimes all a stallion needs is a simple loving mare in his life."
  1570. 1570.
    >You gently stroke Derpy's mane and sigh.
  1571. 1571.
    "This kind of love can't be bought or seized through royal diplomacy."
  1572. 1572.
    >Derpy coos and nuzzles her cheek against yours.
  1573. 1573.
    "Clumsiness is one of Derpy's cuter quirks, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world."
  1574. 1574.
    >Twilight's lip slowly curls as her right eye twitches.
  1575. 1575.
    >"Heh...heheheheh....*inhales*...AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
  1576. 1576.
    >The agitated princess breaks out into long peals of demented laughter and starts slamming the floor with one of her forelegs.
  1577. 1577.
    >Ooooookay, that was NOT the response you were expecting.
  1578. 1578.
    >Twilight's face suddenly turns stoic, much to your surprise.
  1579. 1579.
    >"Fine, Anonymous."
  1580. 1580.
    >You don't like the way she stopped calling you 'Anon'.
  1581. 1581.
    >She waves her hoof through the portal, dissolving it instantly.
  1582. 1582.
    >"You've made your choice, and now we all have to live with the consequences."
  1583. 1583.
    >She conjures up a new portal that leads back to the crystal castle.
  1584. 1584.
    "What's that supposed to mean, Twilight?" You grit your teeth.
  1585. 1585.
    >Her poker face remains unchanged.
  1586. 1586.
    >"You'll see soon enough." She coldly replies.
  1587. 1587.
    >Without another word, Twilight steps through the portal and vanishes.
  1588. 1588.
    >There's a long eerie silence left in her wake.
  1589. 1589.
    >Derpy turns you loose and looks at the empty space left behind by Twilight and her stupid magic portals.
  1590. 1590.
    >"I don't understand...Are we in trouble, Anon?" She worriedly whinnies.
  1591. 1591.
    >You gulp nervously and try to put on a brave face.
  1592. 1592.
    "Nah, she's just upset is all."
  1593. 1593.
     
  1594. 1594.
    Part XXXVIII:
  1595. 1595.
    >Months later...
  1596. 1596.
    >It's a beautiful autumn afternoon in Ponyville.
  1597. 1597.
    >The setting sun casts an orange glow across your living room.
  1598. 1598.
    >The last of Derpy's moving boxes are finally unpacked.
  1599. 1599.
    >Geez, she has a lot more stuff than you thought.
  1600. 1600.
    >You toss the last empty box into the pile and utter a small yawn.
  1601. 1601.
    >*POOMF*
  1602. 1602.
    >The couch cushions feel like a fine silk against your aching body.
  1603. 1603.
    >It's not long before you feel your eyelids becoming heavier and-
  1604. 1604.
    >*POOMF*
  1605. 1605.
    "Oof!"
  1606. 1606.
    >Your eyes shoot open as Derpy lands on top of you.
  1607. 1607.
    >"Hi Anooooooon~!"
  1608. 1608.
    >She smiles and playfully wags her tail.
  1609. 1609.
    "Well hello, Derpy."
  1610. 1610.
    >You hug the mare close and nuzzle her.
  1611. 1611.
    >She eagerly nuzzles you back and sighs with content.
  1612. 1612.
    "You finished moving your stuff to our bedroom?"
  1613. 1613.
    >She nods and snuggles into the warmth of your body.
  1614. 1614.
    >The fire cheerfully snaps and pops inside its mantle, further bolstering the cozy atmosphere that envelops you and Derpy.
  1615. 1615.
    >If it were up to you, this would be a moment that lasts forever.
  1616. 1616.
    >Derpy suddenly climbs off of you and turns towards the fire with a sigh.
  1617. 1617.
    >Uh oh.
  1618. 1618.
    "Something wrong, babe?" You sit up and scoot closer.
  1619. 1619.
    >Derpy opens her mouth to speak, but no words emerge.
  1620. 1620.
    >You can see pain and hesitation stewing in her eyes.
  1621. 1621.
    >This calls for drastic measures.
  1622. 1622.
    >You place a hoof on Derpy's chin and gently turn her head.
  1623. 1623.
    "Derpy, I want you to understand something."
  1624. 1624.
    >She cocks her head and neighs.
  1625. 1625.
    >"Wha-MMPH?!"
  1626. 1626.
    >You silence her concerns with a delicate kiss.
  1627. 1627.
    >She swoons and tries to cuddle closer, you but stop her short.
  1628. 1628.
    >Denying Derpy affection is a sin against Celestia, but your point must be made.
  1629. 1629.
    "No matter what happens, I'll always be here for you."
  1630. 1630.
    >You stroke her messy mane and smile.
  1631. 1631.
    >"You really mean that, Anoooooon~?" She whimpers.
  1632. 1632.
    "Mhm."
  1633. 1633.
     
  1634. 1634.
    Part XXXIX:
  1635. 1635.
    >"Thank you Anon, that means a whole lot of muffins to me."
  1636. 1636.
    >Derpy giggles and wipes the tears from her eyes.
  1637. 1637.
    >The peppy pegasus pauses for a moment to gather her thoughts.
  1638. 1638.
    >"Okay Anon, it's like this..."
  1639. 1639.
    >Derpy proceeds to dump an entire cartload's worth of lifelong trauma upon you.
  1640. 1640.
    >It turns out she was quite the avid flyer as a little filly, "googly eyes" be damned.
  1641. 1641.
    >Derpy's classmates put together a fan club of sorts to celebrate her competition wins.
  1642. 1642.
    >Even the Wonderbolts began to take notice of her potential!
  1643. 1643.
    >But one day, those hopes and dreams came crashing down when a certain rainbow horse entered the fray.
  1644. 1644.
    >This "Rainbow Dash" character eventually muscled in on the competition, garnering the love and adoration of Derpy's former fans.
  1645. 1645.
    >Derpy didn't realize it at the time, but she lost more than just a few silly races.
  1646. 1646.
    >She lost her confidence and self-worth.
  1647. 1647.
    >The sting of defeat proved too much to bear, and drove her from the hobby altogether.
  1648. 1648.
    >Derpy and her family fled from Cloudsdale in disgrace and tried to start a new life in Ponyville.
  1649. 1649.
    >However, the ghosts of her past would not be so easily left behind.
  1650. 1650.
    >The villagers mostly kept their distance and only offered greetings out of obligation.
  1651. 1651.
    >The other foals wouldn't go anywhere near her, making the pursuit of class projects (and friendships) practically impossible.
  1652. 1652.
    >Even as a full grown mare she had no luck making friends...or finding a special somepony.
  1653. 1653.
    >Then you stumbled into Derpy's life and everything changed.
  1654. 1654.
    >Your fellow townsponies' reactions to Derpy's blossoming love life were...mixed to say the least.
  1655. 1655.
    >The stallions exhibit various levels of confusion, but ultimately wish you and Derpy the best before returning to their usual behaviors.
  1656. 1656.
    >The mares however, hold their snouts up and snort with either jealousy or disdain.
  1657. 1657.
    >You prefer to think it's the former, but ultimately it doesn't matter.
  1658. 1658.
    >You're not about to abandon the best thing that ever happened to you just because other horses are jealous or whatever.
  1659. 1659.
    >Derpy certainly isn't shy about expressing her affections in public or in private.
  1660. 1660.
    >You've lost count of how many kisses, nuzzles, wing hugs, and [REDACTED] she's bestowed upon you.
  1661. 1661.
    >As far as Derpy is concerned, you are her world first and foremost.
  1662. 1662.
    >You do your best to give the humble mare love whenever possible, but she eagerly repays it before you can even blink.
  1663. 1663.
    >Derpy truly is a special pony, and you will do everything in your power to make her happy.
  1664. 1664.
     
  1665. 1665.
    Part XXXX:
  1666. 1666.
    >You awaken the next morning tucked under a warm blanket.
  1667. 1667.
    >Huh, where'd this come from?
  1668. 1668.
    >With a yawn and a quick stretch, you free yourself from the comfy cocoon and head for the kitchen.
  1669. 1669.
    >The smell of fresh pancakes flood your nostrils.
  1670. 1670.
    >Beyond the dining room table stands Derpy, eagerly cooking what smells to be another delicious breakfast.
  1671. 1671.
    >Celestia bless her soul.
  1672. 1672.
    "Mornin' babe." You sleepily greet her.
  1673. 1673.
    >Derpy jumps at the sound of your voice and quickly turns around.
  1674. 1674.
    >"Good morning, love muffin!" She eagerly responds with a wave.
  1675. 1675.
    "Love muffin?"
  1676. 1676.
    >Derpy blushes and fumbles with her spatula.
  1677. 1677.
    >"Oh that, uh, I was just thinking that since you gave me a nickname-"
  1678. 1678.
    >She piles the pancakes onto two plates and slowly carries them to the table.
  1679. 1679.
    >"Is it time for my good morning kiss, love muffin~?" She coos.
  1680. 1680.
    "You know it, babe."
  1681. 1681.
    >Derpy squees with delight and scrambles towards you.
  1682. 1682.
    >The nearby chair seems to have other plans, and catches her hind leg with its own.
  1683. 1683.
    >"Oof!"
  1684. 1684.
    >You instinctively dash over and catch the silly mare before her face ends up kissing the tile floor.
  1685. 1685.
    >Derpy quickly regains her hoofing and sighs.
  1686. 1686.
    >"Thank you, love muffin..."
  1687. 1687.
    >You give Derpy the kind of kiss that has her giggling like a giddy schoolfilly.
  1688. 1688.
    "No problem, babe."
  1689. 1689.
    >"A-As I was saying-"
  1690. 1690.
    >She clears her throat and affectionately nuzzles your neck.
  1691. 1691.
    >"You gave me a nickname, so I thought I could give you one too."
  1692. 1692.
    >You chuckle and pull Derpy close.
  1693. 1693.
    >"Do you...like it~?" She asks expectantly.
  1694. 1694.
    >You begin to respond but are suddenly cut off by the sound of thundering hoofsteps outside.
  1695. 1695.
     
  1696. 1696.
    Part XXXXI:
  1697. 1697.
    >"Huh? W-What's going on?!"
  1698. 1698.
    >Derpy's derped eye drifts toward the window.
  1699. 1699.
    >Curiosity gets the better of you as well.
  1700. 1700.
    >You turn to the window and see a stampede of panicked ponies rushing through the streets in every direction.
  1701. 1701.
    >This can't be good.
  1702. 1702.
    >You hold Derpy close and slowly make your way to the front door.
  1703. 1703.
    >*SLAM*
  1704. 1704.
    >The door is suddenly ripped from its hinges and sent flying across the room.
  1705. 1705.
    >Derpy shrieks and buries her face into your neck.
  1706. 1706.
    >You gulp nervously and wrap your wings around the frightened mare.
  1707. 1707.
    >What the buck is going on? Are you being robbed?!
  1708. 1708.
    >The debris cloud soon dissipates, revealing a familiar face standing before you.
  1709. 1709.
    "T-Twilight?!" You sputter.
  1710. 1710.
    >Derpy pokes her head out from the safety of your feathery embrace.
  1711. 1711.
    >"Princess?!" She gasps.
  1712. 1712.
    >Twilight Sparkle emerges from the doorway, adorned with royal robes and accessories that compliment her faded coat color.
  1713. 1713.
    >Strange, she looks a bit chubbier than usual.
  1714. 1714.
    >What does this horse eat?!
  1715. 1715.
    >"That's QUEEN Twilight to you, peasant." Twilight snarls.
  1716. 1716.
    >Derpy squeaks and retreats back into your wings.
  1717. 1717.
    >Twilight's only been here for a few minutes and you've already had enough of her bullshit.
  1718. 1718.
    "Don't you DARE badmouth my marefriend, Twilight." You stomp your hoof.
  1719. 1719.
    >Your angry glare briefly stuns Twilight, but the mad mare soon recovers and resumes her tirade.
  1720. 1720.
    >"It is unwise to disrespect your Queen, Anonymous."
  1721. 1721.
    >Ponies begin to gather around your house, worriedly talking amongst themselves about this strange turn of events.
  1722. 1722.
    >"Perhaps a more hoofs-on approach will garner some proper respect."
  1723. 1723.
    >Twilight clops her hooves together and summons a group of armored stallions seemingly out of nowhere.
  1724. 1724.
    >"Guards, arrest this mare for plotting HIGH TREASON against your Queen."
  1725. 1725.
     
  1726. 1726.
    Part XXXXII:
  1727. 1727.
    >The leader of the squad looks Derpy over and shakes his head in confusion.
  1728. 1728.
    >"But your highness, this mare looks like she can barely stand on her own four hooves, let alone pose a threat to the crown!"
  1729. 1729.
    >"Looks can be deceiving, Commander Double Think." Twilight calmly responds.
  1730. 1730.
    >"Even so-"
  1731. 1731.
    >"I will explain the terms of Derpy's treachery in full at her formal hearing."
  1732. 1732.
    >Commander Double Think sighs in defeat and commands his troops form a perimeter.
  1733. 1733.
    >Two guards restrain you while two other guards work to rip Derpy from the safety of your embrace.
  1734. 1734.
    >"W-Wait! There must be a mistake, Princess!" She cries out.
  1735. 1735.
    >Derpy struggles to escape, but their grip is far too strong.
  1736. 1736.
    >"There is indeed a mistake, Derpy." Twilight replies. "And now I seek to correct it."
  1737. 1737.
    >The guards drag her into the front yard where an ironclad carriage sits among the tall grass.
  1738. 1738.
    >"Anooooooon!"
  1739. 1739.
    >Derpy squeals and squirms as the guards force her into the prison carriage.
  1740. 1740.
    >No...it can't end like this!
  1741. 1741.
    >You break free from your captors and charge onto the front lawn, fully prepared for a fight with Twilight's royal goons.
  1742. 1742.
    >*BWOOP*
  1743. 1743.
    >The purple menace bungles your heroic plan with a thick magic barrier.
  1744. 1744.
    >"Mind that temper of yours, Anon." She sneers.
  1745. 1745.
    >Twilight turns and throws you towards your windmill.
  1746. 1746.
    >"It would be unwise to arouse my wrath, lest Derpy's punishment become a public execution."
  1747. 1747.
    >Your body crumples against the sturdy stone wall, leaving you gasping for breath.
  1748. 1748.
    >Derpy frantically bangs on the bars and stares at you.
  1749. 1749.
    >"Anon please, make this scary nightmare go away!" She pleads through tear-stained eyes.
  1750. 1750.
    "D-Don't worry Derpy, I'll save you some....how...." Your voice trails off.
  1751. 1751.
    >You struggle to your hooves but are quickly knocked back down by the remaining guards.
  1752. 1752.
    >"Please do not meddle in the Queen's royal affairs any further, citizen."
  1753. 1753.
    >Commander Double Think redirects his squad to escort the prison carriage, which is now moving towards Canterlot.
  1754. 1754.
    >"ANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn....!"
  1755. 1755.
    >The last thing you remember is hearing Derpy's cries of agony slowly fade as the carriage disappears beyond the horizon.
  1756. 1756.
     
  1757. 1757.
    Part XXXXIII:
  1758. 1758.
    >"A....no.......n....."
  1759. 1759.
    >Your ears perk up at the sound of a feminine voice calling out from the darkness.
  1760. 1760.
    >"Wh...dn't...u...?"
  1761. 1761.
    >It's hard to make out the words, but it sounds like she's coming closer.
  1762. 1762.
    >The shadows gradually part, revealing a familiar yellow mane moving towards you.
  1763. 1763.
    "Derpy?"
  1764. 1764.
    >You rub your eyes and smile.
  1765. 1765.
    >It's a relief that she's finally returned home.
  1766. 1766.
    >Perhaps the Queen had a change of heart-
  1767. 1767.
    >"ANoNnNnNnnnn..."
  1768. 1768.
    >Your joy turns to horror as a rotting skeleton wearing Derpy's mane and tail emerges from the void.
  1769. 1769.
    "D-Derpy?!" Your eyes widen in shock.
  1770. 1770.
    >"WhY ANoN?!?!?" She wails in agony.
  1771. 1771.
    >The undead horse whinnies angrily and stomps her hoof.
  1772. 1772.
    >"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAVE MEEEEEEEEIGH?!"
  1773. 1773.
    >You try to respond, but your jaw suddenly rots and falls to the ground.
  1774. 1774.
    >The monster leaps at you with surprising speed and everything turns black.
  1775. 1775.
    >You scream and bolt upright, frantically searching for the monster before it can finish its attack.
  1776. 1776.
    >However, all you see is a living room full of bright sunlight.
  1777. 1777.
    >Oh thank Celestia, it was just a nightmare!
  1778. 1778.
    >The sounds of a hungry stomach send you scrambling towards the kitchen.
  1779. 1779.
    >You could use a good meal after having a horrible night like that.
  1780. 1780.
    "Mornin' babe, you won't believe the crazy dream I-"
  1781. 1781.
    >The words die in your throat after seeing the kitchen sitting empty and lifeless.
  1782. 1782.
    >Oh no, yesterday wasn't a dream after all...
  1783. 1783.
    >You smack your head on the countertop and fight back a sniffle.
  1784. 1784.
    >Life without Derpy is not a life worth living.
  1785. 1785.
    >You neigh in frustration and gallop towards the front door.
  1786. 1786.
    >Smart stallions would formulate some kind of plan before heading out to rescue their special somepony.
  1787. 1787.
    >Unfortunately, you are not a smart stallion.
  1788. 1788.
    >Hopefully there's still time to save her, unless...
  1789. 1789.
    >You shake the horrible thought from your mind and pull the door open with a shaking hoof.
  1790. 1790.
    >Wait a minute, why is the door suddenly fixed?
  1791. 1791.
    >You're pretty sure it was laying in the middle of the living room just yesterday.
  1792. 1792.
     
  1793. 1793.
    Part XXXXIV:
  1794. 1794.
    >There will be time to worry about the stupid door later.
  1795. 1795.
    >Right now there is something far more important to worry about: Derpy.
  1796. 1796.
    >You take a deep breath and charge into the outside world.
  1797. 1797.
    >"Ouch!"
  1798. 1798.
    >Scratch that, you charge right into somepony.
  1799. 1799.
    "Oh bits I'm sorry!"
  1800. 1800.
    >You help the pony up and gasp at the sight of her hot pink coat.
  1801. 1801.
    "Cherry Berry! What are you doing here?!"
  1802. 1802.
    >The pink mare groans and rubs her head.
  1803. 1803.
    >She drops a hammer from her mouth, which lands on the cobblestone porch with a loud clang.
  1804. 1804.
    >You also see an open box of nails resting near the hammer.
  1805. 1805.
    >It doesn't take long for you to figure out what's going on now.
  1806. 1806.
    "Did you fix my door, Cherry?" You cock your head.
  1807. 1807.
    >"W-Well, I saw that it was broken and um-"
  1808. 1808.
    >Cherry Berry blushes and stares at the ground.
  1809. 1809.
    >You're honestly shocked that anypony would be willing to do something nice for you after what happened yesterday.
  1810. 1810.
    >After all, "enemy of the state" isn't exactly a sought-after title.
  1811. 1811.
    >You interrupt the mare's explanation with a strong hug.
  1812. 1812.
    "Thank you Cherry."
  1813. 1813.
    >She's reluctant at first, but eventually succumbs with a small mewl.
  1814. 1814.
    >Well, that's certainly an unexpected sound to hear from Cherry.
  1815. 1815.
    >Is it getting hot out here or is it just you?
  1816. 1816.
    >You abruptly end the embrace and focus on something less awkward, like your inevitable confrontation with Twilight.
  1817. 1817.
    >You retreat to the house and pack a few things.
  1818. 1818.
    >"Wait Anon!" Cherry quickly moves to block you. "What about today's deliveries?"
  1819. 1819.
    >Who the buck can think of work at a time like this?!
  1820. 1820.
    "The deliveries can wait, Cherry Berry-"
  1821. 1821.
    >You shake your head and push her to the side.
  1822. 1822.
    "-at least until Derpy is safe in my hooves again."
  1823. 1823.
    >"I see. Good luck, Anon." Cherry Berry says with a quick wave.
  1824. 1824.
    "Thanks, I'll need it." You confess.
  1825. 1825.
    >"Derpy is one lucky mare." Cherry Berry swoons.
  1826. 1826.
    >She's wrong, YOU'RE the lucky one to have such a kind and loving special somepony.
  1827. 1827.
    >You stretch your wings and leap into the air, filled with a newfound determination to save the mare who changed your life.
  1828. 1828.
    >It's not long before your erratic flight patterns catch the attention of a few royal guards.

It's a Ponk Life [COMPLETE]

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Momlight Sparkle [COMPLETE]

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