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Act Ten

By Writefag_Roulette
Created: 2023-10-02 04:02:57
Updated: 2023-10-02 04:05:32
Expiry: Never
twilight sparklesaferainbow dashanonymous/pone/8chanmulti-part series

  1. Hi. This is my last horsetext ever, and the final act of a story I started writing on 8chan /pone/ in November 2015. I was originally going to write a longer introduction, but I've decided not to do that. In fact, there's a lot of content to this story that I had planned but ultimately decided to cut out or rush through. I hope this enabled me to put more focus on the more important bits, and I'm about as satisfied with it as I was ever going to be.
  2.  
  3. I'm not going to TL;DR the previous parts of the story. Unlike those two greentexts, this final one really can't be treated as a complete story on its own, so I wouldn't recommend reading it without reading the other ones first.
  4.  
  5. I will, however, link to the previous two parts.
  6. Anon Tried to Kill Himself: https://ponepaste.org/3653
  7. Legend of the Wandering Autist: https://ponepaste.org/3657
  8.  
  9. I have no further comments. I hope you like the story.
  10.  
  11. ACT X: The Actual Final Act
  12. Part 79: The Actual One Last Post
  13.  
  14. >you're suspended in mid-air
  15. >a sort of soft light has wrapped itself around you
  16. >magic?
  17. >it's not purple
  18. >there's a purple unicorn though
  19. >she's the wrong shade of purple
  20. >but isn't this that old crystal tree castle?
  21. "I... made it."
  22. >the words escape you as almost a sigh
  23. "Twilight?"
  24. >"She's not here. Don't try to move."
  25. >but you are moving
  26. >she's carrying you through a hallway
  27. >this is the way to Spike's room
  28. >your room
  29. "Twilight?"
  30. >"It's been a long time since you ran away from here. She lives in Canterlot now."
  31. "What?"
  32. >"What?"
  33. "How long?"
  34. >"Too long. You need to rest."
  35. >a door opens, and you're in your old room
  36. >somehow, you wind up tucked into a bed
  37. >you're not sure if your eyes are open or closed
  38. >"Umm, okay. I don't think you were supposed to be this pale. Or, oh, shoot. Twilight's the only one who knows anything about you."
  39. "No! She doesn't know me! I don't know her!"
  40. >a hoof is pressed against your chest
  41. >"Calm down. Don't get up."
  42. >a horn is pressed against your forehead
  43. >"Go to sleep."
  44.  
  45. ----------------------------------------------------------------
  46.  
  47.  
  48. >you are Anonymous Faggot
  49. >in the third hour of the train-ride, you've ceased to notice the scenery rushing by the windows
  50. >instead, you feel the clatters and vibrations of the racing locomotive under your seat
  51. >the warm mass of the little red filly pressed against your leg
  52. >sleeping under your hand
  53. >the last thing she said before she fell asleep is still being rolled about in your mind
  54. <"Oh, and Miss Apple Fritter asked me to tell you something before she put me on the train."
  55. "What's that?"
  56. <"Don't come back."
  57. >Raspberry Heaven has, up until about a week ago, lived her entire life quite literally under a rock
  58. >if there's any reason why you should find this message so disturbing, she won't understand it for a few more years yet
  59. >and you
  60. >you're refusing to think about it
  61. >so you won't understand it for a while yet either
  62. >of course, you'd initially planned on going back to Picacholt eventually
  63. >to retrieve Sombra, if nothing else
  64. >but the word of Apple Fritter now stands around the little desert settlement like a huge, stone wall
  65. >besides, that last look Sombra gave you
  66. >that forlorn and... well, somber glare
  67. >it was probably meant as some sort of goodbye
  68. >or more likely as a "fuck off"
  69. >well, what's the worst that could happen with him anyway?
  70. >he escapes
  71. >goes insane again
  72. >and, what, kidnaps a baby?
  73. >you'd like to think your influence was good enough to at least keep that much from happening
  74. >despite the fact that he's the one who stopped you from...
  75. >that...
  76. >instead of the other way around
  77. >okay, not thinking about that now
  78. >definitely not thinking about the pistol duel
  79. >the one that happened just three hours ago
  80. >the one where...
  81. >no
  82. >you're not thinking about it
  83. >man, you really shouldn't be left alone with your thoughts
  84. >too bad Razzie is sleeping peacefully at your side
  85. /"So talk to me."
  86. >oh damn fuck it all
  87. >you shoo Imaginary Twilight off of your shoulder again
  88. >she visits you on occasion now, ever since that time in the mountain
  89. >that time in the mountain which, like so many other things, you're not thinking about
  90. >that time in the mountain which, if not for the filly sleeping at your side right now, you could write off as a crazy desert fever dream
  91. >you picked up Imaginary Twilight there under a great deal of stress
  92. >hopefully, the lingering after-effects of that experience wear off soon
  93. >because, of all the things you don't want to think about
  94. >you absolutely
  95. >do not
  96. >want to think
  97. >about Twilight Sparkle
  98. >you're not thinking about the way she saved you
  99. >or about the hug that saved the world
  100. >and you're definitely not thinking about how soft she felt when she...
  101. >nope
  102. >after all
  103. >she's the one who asked you not to think too hard about that in the first place
  104. >your fingers run through the glossy, black locks of Razzie's mane
  105. >she twitches her leg a bit in an attempt to snuggle in closer to you
  106. >the door the train car swings open
  107. >a pony in a conductor's uniform canters in
  108. >this pony seems to be the first clean-shaved train conductor you've ever seen
  109. >"Tickets please."
  110. "Oh, uh, we didn't quite have time to buy tickets before getting on the train."
  111. >getting teleported by an angry cowboy mare with an ancient magical artifact tends not to leave a lot of time, after all
  112. >"That's all right, sir. Just pay your fare here and I'll give you one."
  113. "Yeah, I should have some bits..."
  114. >your hand goes snaking through every pocket you have
  115. >nothing in your jacket
  116. >your pants pockets prove similarly empty, though you accidentally wake up Razzie checking them
  117. "Oh man. I must have left my bits in the hotel room in Picacholt."
  118. >"So you don't have tickets, and you don't have money?"
  119. "Eh, I guess not. Look, maybe there's some dishes I can do, or some coal I can shovel, or-?"
  120. >the conductor's horn lights up, and the train screeches to a jarring halt
  121. "Well that seems a little dramatic."
  122.  
  123. >the train peals off into the distance
  124. <"Anon, where are we?"
  125. "Looks like we're in the middle of a jungle."
  126. <"A real jungle?"
  127. "Oh yeah. Complete with lions and tigers and malaria, no doubt."
  128. >Razzie squishes the moist earth under her hooves a few times
  129. <"I like it. Everything is so wet here."
  130. "Yeah, well- holy fu-frickballs!"
  131. >you scoop up Razzie in your arms with a speed that makes her gasp
  132. >scuttling toward the spot where the filly was standing moments ago is a huge fucking scorpion
  133. >the scorpion looks up at you
  134. >holds up one claw of one pincer
  135. >and then scurries back into the brush
  136. >what the hell was that supposed to be, the finger?
  137. "Yeah, well, I'm not a huge fan of places where everything wants to kill me."
  138. <"That's logical."
  139. >after scanning the ground for more jungle-nasties, you set Razzie back down
  140. "All right, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna follow these train tracks. They've gotta lead somewhere, and it'll keep us out of the denser forest."
  141. >so you head off to the east
  142. >walking away from the Wild West as fast as your legs can carry you
  143. >actually, you're only going as fast as Razzie's stubby filly legs can carry her
  144. >that is, of course, keeping a reasonable pace in mind
  145. >you're not gonna make the kid fucking gallop
  146. >and you're not gonna fucking run
  147. >reasonable though the pace is, it does begin to slacken after a while
  148. <"Anon, I'm thirsty."
  149. "I know."
  150. >what you don't know is what to do about it
  151. >the prospect of resting under the trees, out of the punishing tropic sun, is very tempting
  152. >but what unknown dangers might be lurking in the shade?
  153. >of course, you might find water in there
  154. >but that's probably all full of crocodiles and piranhas and disease
  155. >and you'd probably get lost looking for it
  156. >your best bet is still to keep following the tracks in the hopes of reaching a settlement
  157. >you're not sure how long you've been walking when you finally have to pick Razzie up and carry her
  158. >nor later on when you shuffle out of and abandon the lightweight jacket you'd worn in Picacholt
  159. >the thing had been decent cover from the sun in the desert
  160. >but here in the jungle it only serves to trap humidity against your body
  161. >you're also not sure how long you've been walking when the walk finally ends
  162. >but it does end
  163. >a huge net flies from the trees, covers your head, and knocks you to the ground
  164.  
  165. >the net is dragged beyond the ominous treeline with speed and violence
  166. >by some miracle, you've landed on your back, and Razzie takes the ride clinging to your chest
  167. >you, of course, take the ride bumping and scraping every sharp rock and hard root in your path
  168. >finally, the net is yanked up and comes to rest in a tree
  169. >you're upside-down now
  170. >but at least you're not acquiring any more new bruises
  171. "Oh, man."
  172. <"What's going on, Anon? Is it cannibal ponies?"
  173. "Do cannibal ponies even exist?"
  174. >a stallion on the ground makes his presence known
  175. >"They do indeed. I, however, am not one of them."
  176. >the pony on the ground has a dull brown coat, and a greased black mane
  177. >set within his poorly-shaven face is a slight sneer
  178. >and above that, the hard, appraising gaze of a coldly detached mind
  179. >"Of course, eating you wouldn't be cannibalism, would it?"
  180. <"Please don't eat Anon! I'll... I'll cry!"
  181. "Relax, Razzie. He's messing with us."
  182. >"Testing you, really. You seem rather intelligent and sensitive for a creature thought to be carnivorous."
  183. "What?"
  184. >"Well you are a man, are you not?"
  185. "I... well, sure."
  186. >"And mans are carnivores, are they not?"
  187. "Omnivores. I haven't so much as seen cooked meat in over two years now, swear on my life."
  188. >"That's good to hear. Then you eat fruits, vegetables, grasses-"
  189. "Grasses, no. Fruits and vegetables yes. Look, why are we hanging here talking about my species' dieting habits?"
  190. >"Well, here I am on my way to the Temple of Man, and a man happens to cross my path. I ought to be interested, oughtn't I?"
  191. "The... Temple of... what?"
  192. >"Then you deny all connection with the Temple?"
  193. "I've never even heard of that. As far as I know I'm the only one of my kind in this whole world; why would something like that even exist?"
  194. >"Certain story cycles from the Mythic Age briefly mention a creature called Man existing near the end of it, thought to be about a thousand years ago."
  195. "News to me."
  196. >"Information on this creature is infuriatingly scant. The Princess won't even tell us if he really existed. But with the very recent discovery of the Temple, every explorer worth mentioning has memorized what little writing there is on him and begun the journey through the jungle."
  197. "I don't suppose you also memorized-"
  198. >"All the information I could find about you? I'm afraid I did. You're just as poorly-documented as your mythical predecessor. One news clipping about how you assaulted a princess, one news clipping about how you stole a dangerous artifact from that same princess, and one article by that princess about what she'd learned from you of your race's culture. That is, of course, assuming you're the man who was taken in by Princess Twilight some two years ago."
  199. "You know, folks are always real quick to talk about the time I smacked Twilight, but nobody ever brings up the time I helped her save the world."
  200. >"I'd be more than happy to hear all about it, on our way to the Temple of Man."
  201. "Look, this whole Temple thing sounds mighty interesting and all, but I was hoping to maybe get to Canterlot at some point-"
  202. >"Or I can just leave you here in this net. It's rather makeshift, so you could probably get out in a day or so, but I doubt you would ever find your way out of the jungle on your own."
  203. "Geez... what the hell do you want me for? I don't know how to get to the damn place."
  204. >"The Temple has already been discovered, and I already know the way there. The hard part is getting inside. Some sort of magic or other is guarding the door. I have a feeling that you might be helpful with this."
  205. >man
  206. >you don't trust this guy at all
  207. >and it's not just because he kidnapped and threatened you
  208. >but it's nothing you can really put your finger on right now
  209. >besides, he's got a point
  210. >left to your own devices, you and Razzie would be hopelessly lost in this jungle
  211. "All right, tell you what, I'll come along on one condition."
  212. >"You are in no position to be making demands, Mr. Anon, but go on, I'll hear your request."
  213. "Can we just get some water before we get going?"
  214. >the stallion smiles
  215. >and cuts the rope
  216. "Ow."
  217.  
  218. >Razzie is an instant hit with Caballeron's henchponies
  219. >for such a bunch of dubious desperadoes, they're surprisingly eager to play the role of "doting uncle" with her
  220. >well, at least she's safe with them
  221. "But how can you guys kidnap people and then get all friendly with them?"
  222. >Biff, a henchpony whose personality is that he wears a cowboy hat, has been conversational with you ever since he learned you just came from Picacholt
  223. >"Wal, it ain't really kidnapping. The Doc did give you your choice, after all."
  224. "He had you throw a net at me."
  225. >"Wal, shucks. You and the lil lady needed rescuing. In this part of the jungle, it'd be faster to turn around and march back to the desert than to walk on through to civilization. Why, you'da baked afore you found any clean water."
  226. "You know, just because that makes sense doesn't mean I have to like it."
  227. >"Wal, fair enough. Listen, pard, I been meaning to ask-"
  228. "You want news from out west?"
  229. >"Yeah! How'd you guess?"
  230. "Dunno."
  231. >"Wal, I mean, yeah. How are things in Picacholt? I haven't been out that way in a while."
  232. "I guess it'll be quieter from now on. Piebald's been run out of town, Collishaw Cueball's given up on the apple farm. It'll probably be real peaceful now."
  233. >Biff spits
  234. >"Collishaw Cueball. I guess that crooked snake is still sheriff, then. Wait, you said he gave up on the farm?"
  235. "Mhm."
  236. >"Does that mean... Did you ever meet that, uh, Miss Apple Fritter?"
  237. "Mhm."
  238. >"Do you think she's still, uh, eligible?"
  239. "She was as of this morning."
  240. >"Ahuh. Wal, maybe after this payday I'll have to... Wal, never mind that. I reckon this'll be a right pleasant lil jungle trek, Mr. Nonermous."
  241. >the others aren't quite so talkative
  242. >there's Rogue
  243. >he's a big guy with, of all things, a Scottish accent
  244. >you can't think of any horse puns for any of the Scottish locations you know
  245. >and somehow that makes you afraid to ask him where he's from
  246. >Rogue seems to be a sort of lieutenant to Caballeron
  247. >there's Pickpocket
  248. >despite his name, he's taken on the role of Razzie's most doting "uncle"
  249. >he doesn't seem to like you very much though
  250. >well, as long as he doesn't hurt Razzie, it's whatever
  251. >and then there's Withers
  252. >you have never heard Withers speak
  253. >as for Dr. Caballeron
  254. >he hits you with basic trivia about your life on Earth
  255. >nothing really interesting
  256. >just a lot of biology and sociology
  257. >for whatever reason, you notice that he doesn't ask about your personal experiences on Earth
  258. >like, family life or something like that
  259. >well, it's hardly as though you want to spill your life's story to some evil archaeologist pony
  260. >it's just... a comparison you draw between this and some of your talks with Twilight
  261. >not that you're thinking about Twilight, of course
  262. >Caballeron somehow seems empty
  263. >or pointless, like he's a totally pointless person
  264. >you're not really sure where that impression comes from, or even what you mean by "pointless"
  265. >after all, Doc never really asked personal questions either, and she never seemed "pointless"
  266. >but here of course, Caballeron is Doc
  267. >if you've ever known a different "Doc," you're certainly not thinking about her
  268. >or that she did some pretty bad things
  269. >or that she roped you into helping her with those bad things
  270. >for some fucking reason, you can't seem to resent her as much as you resent Twilight
  271. >but there is no way in hell you're thinking about that
  272.  
  273. ----------------------------------------------------------------
  274.  
  275.  
  276. >blackness gives way to a dim room
  277. >the light is orange and flickering
  278. >a candle?
  279. >there's a pony staring at you
  280. >you know who she is before you can see her clearly
  281. >Twilight?
  282. >no
  283. >Imaginary Twilight
  284. "I don't wanna see you."
  285. /"I'm coming, you know. Starlight called me."
  286. "I don't wanna see Twilight."
  287. /"Why'd you come here then?"
  288. <"Anon? Are you awake?"
  289. >Imaginary Twilight disappears before you finish rolling over
  290. >on the other side of the room is a red mare with a black mane
  291. >Razzie?
  292. "Were you always that big?"
  293. <"Of course not. Only for the past few years."
  294. >she's not imaginary
  295. >Real Razzie
  296. "Years?"
  297. <"You were mumbling just now. In your sleep. Were you dreaming just now? About that time we went to the jungle?"
  298. >you blink
  299. <"That was about ten years ago."
  300. "You got big."
  301. <"I'm still little. Compared to you."
  302. "That's true."
  303. >you're soaked with sweat
  304. >you can feel your shirt clinging to your back
  305. >it's cold
  306. <"I think you're still tired. You should go back to sleep."
  307.  
  308. ----------------------------------------------------------------
  309.  
  310. "Hey, Razzie."
  311. >Razzie looks up from the ground, where she seems to be busy doodling something into the dirt with her hoof
  312. >the dirt is moist and clumpy, but somehow brittle
  313. >chunks of it fall into the trenches traced by her hoof, obscuring what she's trying to draw
  314. >she does not speak
  315. "What'cha doing?"
  316. >she never talks to you anymore
  317. >well, at least not for the past few days
  318. >it's only been a few days since you were evicted from Picacholt, after all
  319. >admittedly she was a bit reserved before that too
  320. >but not like this
  321. >it feels like you've been walking through this green fucking wasteland forever
  322. >of course, she's not totally reserved
  323. >in fact, she's surprisingly friendly with Caballeron's thugs
  324. >Pickpocket especially
  325. "I brought you some dinner."
  326. >you lay down a tin tray of some kind of warm slop in front of her
  327. >you're not a big fan of it, but apparently herbivorous quadrupeds like it
  328. >so the taste is not the reason why Razzie stops drawing
  329. >lays her head on her hooves
  330. >sighs
  331. >and does not eat
  332. >to the best of your knowledge, the henchponies aren't talking shit about you to her
  333. >not even Pickpocket, who clearly dislikes you
  334. >and there's never any kind of anger on Razzie's face when she looks at you
  335. >there's nothing like scorn or contempt
  336. >she's just sort of...
  337. >droopy
  338. >something like a hard sigh rattles in your throat as your face falls into a frown
  339. "You want me to leave so you can eat?"
  340. >she looks up at the food
  341. >and then
  342. <"Mhm."
  343. >with a jerk, you stand up
  344. "Okay."
  345. >and you walk to the other side of the camp
  346.  
  347. >you hone in on a spot on the edge of the camp
  348. >you sort of rest your hand on a tree without leaning on it
  349. >and just kind of stand there
  350. >trying not to look at anyone
  351. >the sky goes from orange
  352. >to red
  353. >to a shade of dull bluish purple
  354. >there is a feeling as though your mind is racing
  355. >but you're not really thinking about anything
  356. >you're focused on keeping a neutral face
  357. >a straight stance
  358. >your fist on the tree
  359. >there's no particular purpose in anything you're doing
  360. >if you could, you would do nothing
  361. >but even standing still, it's of course not possible to actually do nothing
  362. >from behind you, there is a voice
  363. >"All right, Anonymous. Let's talk."
  364. >that's not Caballeron
  365. >you turn around
  366. >it's Pickpocket
  367. >you blink
  368. "Uh, what's up?"
  369. >"I want to talk to you about Raspberry Heaven."
  370. "Um, sure."
  371. >"So I've been talking to her-"
  372. "I know."
  373. >he shoots you a sharp glance at the interruption
  374. >then continues
  375. >"And I understand she grew up in a... bit of a bad situation."
  376. >you scoff
  377. "You could say that."
  378. >"And I understand that you got her out of it. You got her out of a bad situation."
  379. "Uh, I guess?"
  380. >"And that was a good thing. You did a good thing."
  381. "I guess you could put it that way. Look, what are you getting at? What's your point?"
  382. >Pickpocket frowns
  383. >"All right, I'll make my point. I want to take Raspberry Heaven off your hooves. Hands. I want to take her off your hands."
  384. "Huh?"
  385. >"I think it would be best-"
  386. "Why?"
  387. >"Listen. You're not mature enough-"
  388. "I am-"
  389. >"I don't care how old you are; you've been standing over here brooding for hours. You're like an overgrown teenager!"
  390. "Wha-"
  391. >"And agreeing to this whole 'life on the road?'" With a kid? That's insane!"
  392. "I-"
  393. >"And you know the Doc wasn't the only one who read up on you before this trip. I've got you all figured out. You're only living 'on the road' because you're afraid of meeting that Princess Twilight! You're one of those guys who runs away from everyone he gets close to. Well, one of these days you'll get close to that filly, and then what? You'll run out on her too, that's what!"
  394. "Listen! So you read some fucking news articles. Good for you. You know the teeniest, tiniest bit about me. Well, I know a teeny, tiny bit about you too. Like that fact that you're a hired thug named Pickpocket!"
  395. >"I am an archaeologist named Pickpocket! And I am a husband! And a father! And I've got a nice, stable home in Manehattan. So that shows what you know about me, buddy."
  396. >the back of your head feels light
  397. >and you look up
  398. >and you realize this wasn't exactly a private conversation
  399. >you can see Caballeron sipping tea by the campfire, apparently engrossed in some notes he's taking
  400. >you can see Caballeron's henchponies side-eyeing you, pretending not to notice
  401. >Biff looks stung by something
  402. >and Razzie is staring right at you
  403. >your eyes meet
  404. >despite the campfire's reflection clearly visible in her eyes, her gaze seems somehow... dull
  405. >"Don't you think she deserves a proper home? School? Friends? Family?"
  406. "I... well... your friends threw a net at us."
  407. >"Well, on behalf of everyone, I'm sorry. If I were in charge of this expedition, I wouldn't have made that call. I understand why Caballeron did make that call, but I would have tried talking to you first."
  408. "You... 'understand?'"
  409. >"Yeah. I do. You know why we threw the net? Because if we'd tried talking to you, there's a pretty good chance you would have run off and gotten yourself - and Raspberry Heaven - killed. This whole 'wandering' thing you think you've picked out for yourself? You're not cut out for it."
  410. "I."
  411. >you swallow
  412. "I'll talk to her about it."
  413.  
  414. ----------------------------------------------------------------
  415.  
  416. >you feel yourself starting to wake up
  417. >but the dream seems to go on for a while
  418. >you can feel the sweat-soaked sheets around you, but you can still see the jungle
  419. >as you watch Razzie head off to bed, you realize that you yourself are in bed
  420. >though the dream is unpleasant, you try to keep your eyes closed
  421. >as if to dream of unpleasant things for a little bit longer
  422. >but eventually, it feels as though you no longer have a choice
  423. >you have to open your eyes
  424. >so you do
  425. >you don't see Razzie
  426. >not in the dream
  427. >not in the room
  428. >she must have blown out the candle before she left
  429. >it's dark
  430. >your eyes are, by this point, adjusted to the dark
  431. >cool, pale. white light emanates from beyond the window
  432. >upon a more careful inspection of the window, you can see that the Moon does, in fact, still exist
  433. >it's enough for you to see by
  434. >there's no one else in the room
  435. >not even Imaginary Twilight
  436. >it's quiet, dim, and cool in here
  437. >perfect for sleeping
  438. >you're still so tired
  439.  
  440. ----------------------------------------------------------------
  441.  
  442.  
  443. >in Caballeron's expedition party, there are two tents
  444. >one for Caballeron
  445. >and one as Caballeron's backup
  446. >when Razzie showed up, the henchmen insisted on setting up the backup tent for her
  447. >Caballeron never approved of this plan
  448. >but never forbade it either
  449. >so Razzie has had a tent to herself every night so far
  450. >which is good
  451. >everyone else has bedrolls under the jungle canopy
  452. >the spare bedroll you managed to grab is, of course, rather small for you
  453. >but that's all right
  454. >it's not exactly cold out
  455. >after your discussion with Pickpocket, Razzie quickly disappeared into her tent
  456. >and some hours after that, you found yourself in your bedroll
  457. >obviously, you're not asleep
  458. >but that's fine
  459. >according to the Doc, you should be reaching the Temple some time tomorrow
  460. >after that, you can start getting some proper sleep again
  461. >like, on a train or something
  462. >you're not thinking about the fact that the trek back out of the jungle will also take several days
  463. >nor are you thinking about the likelihood that Caballeron will want to spend several days studying the Temple itself
  464. >after tomorrow
  465. >or at least. at some point after tomorrow
  466. >then you can
  467. >uh
  468. >get situated with a job and a hotel
  469. >there's probably banana farms or something in this part of Equestria
  470. >who cares?
  471. <"Anon."
  472. "Huh?"
  473. >your eyes, which you hadn't realized were closed, open
  474. "Razzie? What's wrong?"
  475. <"Come to my tent. I want to talk."
  476. "Razzie, it's super late."
  477. <"Were you asleep?"
  478. "Well, no, but-"
  479. >her little head presses into your side, and she makes as if to push you out of your bedroll
  480. "All right, all right."
  481. >you sit up
  482. >what a glare she's giving you
  483. >you don't bother pulling on your boots before standing up
  484. >she makes her way to the tent
  485. >you follow
  486. >the jungle is quiet
  487. >not silent, of course
  488. >Caballeron is sitting up by the fire, sipping on tea and watching the treeline with cold eyes
  489. >his henchmen are scattered, dark mounds of bedroll on the ground
  490. >the ground is wet and bumpy, and you regret not stopping to put on your boots
  491. >but the walk isn't long, and soon you're sitting cross-legged in Razzie's tent
  492. >Razzie is staring at you
  493. >her eyes seem frigid and appraising
  494. "So, uh, what do you want to talk about?"
  495. <"You told Pickpocket you would talk to me about something."
  496. "Oh. Yeah. You saw all that. Well, it's up to you. What do you want to do?"
  497. <"I want you to talk to me about it."
  498. "Huh?"
  499. <"Talk to me about it."
  500. "I, uh, am talking to you about it."
  501. >she inhales sharply
  502. >her posture becomes straighter and taller
  503. >and her eyes turn to solid ice
  504. >you wait for her to say something
  505. >but she doesn't
  506. >you throw up your hands
  507. "Look. What do you want me to say?"
  508. <"I want you to say..."
  509. >she scowls and takes a few steps forward, stopping a few inches from your knees
  510. <"I want you to say..."
  511. >she coughs
  512. <"I want!"
  513. >she stops speaking, but leaves her mouth open
  514. >her jaw is working as though trying to form some word
  515. >quiet, voiceless grunts sound from her throat, almost like she's choking on something
  516. >and then
  517. >she laughs
  518. >it's a sick, spiteful, ugly laugh
  519. >then the laughter cuts off without warning
  520. >she headbutts your shin and lets an angry grunt off into the ground
  521. >finally, in a soft voice, still facing the ground
  522. <"I'm going to be just like my mother. Awful. Like her."
  523. "What? Where's this coming from? Didn't you say you were gonna remember her nicely?"
  524. <"I said I'd remember her in my own way. Well, I've been thinking about my own way. I'm always thinking. I can't stop thinking. About you. About her. I don't know anypony else. I think about her a lot. And I think so fast I can hardly keep track of it, and it's all about her. And you."
  525. "Well, it's normal to think fast, sometimes. I'm sure your mother thought fast. I mean, not that you're like her. I mean, well, she was smart, and I'm sure you'll be smart, but that doesn't mean you'll, well-"
  526. <"Pickpocket said you run away from everyone you like."
  527. "Yeah, I don't really know what that was about."
  528. <"He didn't get that from a newspaper. I told him that. I thought of that. I'm always thinking about you. And her. You're like her."
  529. "Her? Meaning your mother?"
  530. <"She felt so close to me, right before she wanted to kill me."
  531. >the pressure in your shin lessens
  532. >and Razzie lies down on her belly
  533. <"She'd never felt so nice before. So warm. And then she turned against me. I am smart. Like her. I knew more about her than she thought. She was afraid of feelings. Like you."
  534. "What? What are you getting at?"
  535. >at last, she looks up
  536. >looks you in the eye
  537. <"I know more about you than you think, too. I'm smart. I'm always thinking. I can put things together. Things you told me. Things I saw when we went to Ponyville. Things Miss Apple Fritter and other ponies told me."
  538. "You don't know-"
  539. <"I know you ran away from Princess Twilight. I know something happened before you did. I know it wasn't a fight. You got close to her, somehow, and then you ran away."
  540. "You lived under a rock until like two weeks ago! You can't possibly-"
  541. <"You ran away from Princess Twilight. My mother turned against me. You'll turn away from me, too."
  542. "No, no. You've had a few good insights tonight, but that one is bogus. I can't abandon you, you're just a kid."
  543. <"But what if you could? What if there was someone you could foist me off onto?"
  544. "Wha- Pickpocket? You thought I-"
  545. "I thought... you sounded like you didn't care one way or the other... when you said you'd talk to me."
  546. "Well, fu- gee freakin' willickers, Razzie. I was tired. Of course I care. Of course I care about you. I-"
  547. >you take a second to catch your breath
  548. "Look. The other day, back on the train, I asked you if you wanted to come live in Ponyville, or go on running around til we find your sister. Ponyville would have meant a lot of the same things Pickpocket is offering. A home, school, friends, all the ingredients for a normal childhood. It also would have meant that I'd have to go back to Twilight. I'd have to apologize, explain myself, make things up to her, all the staple friendship shi- stuff. You said no to that. You wanted to run around Equestria looking for your sister."
  549. <"I... know what I said. I only said... what I thought you wanted... to hear."
  550. "Well forget about what I want. My life is over. There's nothing for me anywhere. I don't want anything. You're the one with a future. I only want what's best for you."
  551. <"What do you mean your life is over?"
  552. "Oh, forget I said that. It doesn't really mean anything. I'm just saying... stuff. Look, our next move is up to you. You can go with Pickpocket if you want. We can leave Pickpocket behind and hop on a train going anywhere if you want. We can settle down in Ponyville, or try to make it in Canterlot, or farm turnips in Stalliongrad, or whatever. I don't care."
  553. <"So you don't care."
  554. "No, that's not what I-"
  555. <"So, suppose you do manage to settle what's best for me, whatever that means. That will take, hmm, six to eight years at most?"
  556. "Huh?"
  557. <"Less, if you find someone to foist me off onto, of course. Such as my sister, whom I've never met."
  558. "What are you on-"
  559. <"I'm on about the future. Where do you see yourself in ten years?"
  560. >you scoff
  561. "What is this, a job interview?"
  562. <"I don't know what you mean by that. As you pointed out, I lived under a rock until about two weeks ago. I don't know what's out there for you."
  563. "Razzie, that's none of your-"
  564. <"Of course it's my business. You've done so much for me, and I've done nothing to deserve it."
  565. "What? Of course you have. And anyway, who said anything about deserving things? Of course you deserve to live."
  566. >Razzie breaks eye contact and looks down again
  567. <"I... well, let's leave off on that. For now."
  568. >there's a moment of tense silence, which you break with a chuckle that sounds a bit more nervous than you intended
  569. "Gee, Razzie. You can talk circles around me just like–"
  570. <"Just like my mother."
  571. >you blink
  572. "Yeah. I didn't realize how smart you are. You'll probably be as smart as she was when you grow up.”
  573. >she blinks
  574. “I mean, That's not a bad thing. It doesn't mean you'll do bad things."
  575. <"That's enough, Anon. You can leave me now."
  576. "Excuse me?"
  577. <"Please leave me alone, Anon."
  578. >there's another moment of silence
  579. >but there's no tension in this one
  580. "All right. Get some sleep, Razzie."
  581. >she doesn't respond
  582. "Staying up all night thinking doesn't make your problems go away. It just makes you tired."
  583. >again, no response
  584. >so you turn around
  585. >crawl out of the tent
  586. >and stand up in the humid jungle night
  587. "Man, normal kids do not talk like that."
  588. >"Indeed, no, they don't."
  589. >you flinch
  590. >Caballeron stands before you with a sardonic grin
  591. "Were you list- How much of that did you h- Oh, I said that out lou- Oh, she heard me! What do you want, Caballeron?"
  592. >"I want to get some sleep. Since you're already awake, I'm passing the watch to you."
  593. "Oh. Fine."
  594. >"A big day tomorrow, Mister Anonymous. A big day."
  595. >Caballeron makes his way to his tent
  596. >you head over to the fire
  597. >nothing happens during your watch
  598. >in the moment, the watch seems to drag on forever
  599. >but when Biff comes to relieve you, it feels like you've only just sat down to stare at the trees
  600. >whatever
  601. >you make your way to your bedroll
  602. >you don't manage to fall asleep all night
  603.  
  604. >when the sun rises, it seems absurd somehow
  605. >it seems as though the deep red spilling out over the horizon could be hot cheeto dust instead of sunlight, and it wouldn't make any difference
  606. >you remember it's been years since you've seen a cheeto, and some for some reason this spurs you to sit up in your bedroll
  607. >but the cheeto quickly slips from your mind, only to be replaced with a feeling of fuzziness and weight
  608. >you want to get up, but it takes you a moment to focus on a plan of action
  609. >eventually, it comes to you
  610. >you pull on your boots
  611. >roll up your bedroll
  612. >and stand up
  613. >you feel surprisingly well rested
  614. >minutes pass
  615. >the sunrise has stirred the whole camp
  616. >bedrolls are rolled up
  617. >tents are taken down
  618. >dry travel rations are distributed
  619. >nobody wants to stop and make pancakes
  620. >the Temple is only hours away
  621. >and the party sets off with minimal delay
  622. >before long, the sun grows hot as it passes from red to yellow to white
  623. >insects in the trees begin wailing in loud, high pitched whines
  624. >birds screech
  625. >monkeys howl
  626. >all this noise is off in the distance somewhere
  627. >you can hear it
  628. >but it still feels silent here among the ponies
  629. >Caballeron swaggers confidently with his hired thugs
  630. >for one moment, Pickpocket looks back to glare at you
  631. >for another moment, Razzie's dull glance passes through you almost unconsciously
  632. >there are several moments when your boots get stuck in the mud, forcing you to strain a bit to take your next step and making an obnoxious slopping sound
  633. >at last, there's a moment when the jungle canopy begins to thin
  634. >and another where it clears entirely
  635. >in the center of a massive clearing there stands a huge, crumbling structure of pale yellow stone
  636. >but also
  637. "Why is there a huge crowd of ponies here?"
  638. >"Hm? I told you the Temple had already been discovered, Mister Anonymous. Lots of archaeologists want to study it."
  639. "Oh, that's awesome. What the hell did you throw a net over my head for again?"
  640. >"To get inside. There's magic. Come with me, I'll take you to the door. As for the rest of you, set up a camp as close to the Temple as you can. I will send for you if we find a way in."
  641. >as Caballeron leads you away, Razzie scampers to your side
  642. >she shoots Pickpocket an arctic glare
  643. >which prompts Pickpocket to scowl at you
  644. >which prompts you to sigh
  645. >Caballeron looks at Razzie with an appraising eye
  646. >she looks back at him defiantly
  647. >"Very well. You may come too."
  648. >with that, you're off to the door
  649. >as your party of three makes its way toward the crowd, archaeologist ponies stop and stare
  650. >once you begin threading your way through the crowd, conversations die in your wake
  651. >though a few whispered comments can be heard in the throng
  652. >"Caballeron's back with Anonymous?"
  653. >"But where did he find him? The man's been lying low somewhere for months!"
  654. >"I heard not even the princesses could find him."
  655. >with each such comment, your shoulders draw inward and downward in an effort to seem smaller
  656. >this is, of course, canceled out by Caballeron's chin raising higher and higher in triumph
  657. >"I got lucky at last, Mister Anonymous."
  658. "Huh?"
  659. >"I've worked so hard, so very hard to be the archaeologist I am today. All I was missing to get ahead of my rivals was a bit of luck. And then, at long last, I saw you trudging by those train tracks."
  660. "Uh, good for you?"
  661. >"You understand nothing, Anonymous. When I breach the Temple of Man, I will finally make my mark in my field. I won't have to sell every artifact I find to some jackal spirit anymore."
  662. "I'm sorry, what was that last part?"
  663. >"I'll have a tenure at Canterlot University! I'll be able to share this vast wealth of knowledge I've earned on these decades of thankless wandering! My genius will be recognized at last!"
  664. "Doc, you're shouting."
  665. >"Who cares? Everypony is staring at you anyway."
  666. >you groan as you glance around and see that all the ponies are, in fact, staring at you
  667. "Thanks, Doc."
  668. >"And don't look now, but here comes Daring Do and her blue friend."
  669. "Who and who?"
  670. >it takes you all of five seconds to learn who the "blue friend" is
  671. *"Anon!"
  672. >you freeze
  673. >you pivot toward the shout
  674. >and there, flying about five inches from your face
  675. >is a furious Rainbow Dash
  676. *"Anon! We need to talk! Now!"
  677. "You know Dash, that's the third time I've heard that in the past twenty-four hours, so I don't know if we could maybe put this off until–"
  678. *"Now!"
  679. "Oh."
  680.  
  681. "All right, fine. You wanna yell at me? Yell at me. I don't care. Lay it on me, Dash. Tell me I'm selfish, tell me I'm stupid, tell me I'm a bad person. I don't care."
  682. >Caballeron pipes up
  683. >"Yes, yes, do have your little conversation. Only let's keep moving toward the door."
  684. >a pony who looks for all the world like Rainbow Dash but brown storms up to Caballeron
  685. >"Oh no you don't, Caballeron! I don't know what you're scheming this time, but you won't get away with it!"
  686. >this, you assume, is Daring Do
  687. >Caballeron sighs
  688. >"Oh."
  689. >you don't get to watch much of their argument before Rainbow Dash grabs your face and forces you to focus on your own problems
  690. *"Yeah, you're selfish! Yeah, you're stupid!"
  691. >out of the corner of your eye, you see Razzie storming straight for the door of the Temple without you
  692. >so you walk after her
  693. >Rainbow Dash hovers after you without seeming to notice
  694. >Caballeron follows your lead, with Daring Do also following while continuing to yell
  695. >well, if it works, it works
  696. *"Hey! Are you listening to me?"
  697. "Uh, no."
  698. *"What the hay is wrong with you? What gives? You run away from home, and then when you meet me you treat me like a stranger?"
  699. "First of all, I'm a grown man, not a little kid. I didn't run away from home, I just moved on. Second of all, as soon as you met me just now, you started acting crazy. Calm down."
  700. *"You want me to calm down? You just 'moved on' from your home and friends? You know you just up and left your house in Ponyville, right? You know I've been the one taking care of it, right?"
  701. "What? Why? I didn't ask you to do that."
  702. *"Because that's what friends do, you jerk! And I don't even know if you're coming back!"
  703. "Me neither. Sell the house. Keep the money for yourself. I don't care."
  704. >saying that makes you feel a bit lightheaded
  705. >but after all, it's not like you had to pay for the house in the first place
  706. *"Oh, just sell your house for you? More work that's supposed to be your problem, thanks 'Non."
  707. "Again, I never asked you to take care of it. You can leave it be and let the village claim it, I really don't care."
  708. *"That's not even the point! What do you mean you don't care? How can you just 'not care' if you see your friends ever again?"
  709. "First of all, Twilight Sparkle is not my friend! Second of all–"
  710. *"I knew it! I knew it! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! This whole thing was about Twilight! You just wanted to run away from Twilight, and you didn't even think about me!"
  711. "What? What do you-"
  712. *"Wasn't I your friend, too? Weren't we gym buddies? Didn't we used to hang out every day? And you just up and leave without saying goodbye to me! Oh, you leave Starlight a big, dramatic message for Twilight, but nothing for me, huh? And what about Pinkie?"
  713. "What do you mean, what about Pinkie? She's everyone's friend."
  714. *"Yeah, she is everyone's friend! That means she's your friend, too! She was pretty bummed out when you left without saying goodbye!"
  715. >for a moment
  716. >only the briefest instant, really
  717. >you feel a bit cowed
  718. >you almost feel a desire to shut up and let her rant at you
  719. >but then you feel mad again
  720. "Oh, fuck you! Fuck off!"
  721. >you hear Razzie cough
  722. >but you ignore it
  723. "I can do what I want! It's none of your business what I do, or when!"
  724. *"That's not how friendship works, Anon!"
  725. "I don't have friends, Dash! I have never had friends!"
  726. *"That's bogus! I'm your friend! Pinkie is your friend! And yes, Twilight is your friend, too!"
  727. "If you're my friend, then why are you being a pain in my ass?"
  728. *"Because... Because... Look, you're just mad because Twilight slept with you. That doesn't even make sense!"
  729. >all at once, the clearing becomes very quiet
  730. >amid the awkward silence, Dash's glare gradually fades
  731. *"Oh. I mean, um..."
  732. >Razzie coughs again
  733. <"We're at the door, Anon."
  734.  
  735. >the door to the Temple of Man is a huge block of reddish stone
  736. >on it is carved a bas-relief of, well, a man
  737. "Oh."
  738. *"Anon, who's the kid?"
  739. "That's, uh, complicated."
  740. >the face of the carving on the door is very detailed
  741. >but it's nondescript
  742. >bland, almost
  743. >"Well?"
  744. >Caballeron is frowning at you
  745. "Well what?"
  746. >"Open the door."
  747. >Daring Do cuts in
  748. >"Do not open the door for him. He'll plunder this place. If you want the history here to be preserved, let me in instead."
  749. >"Don't let her in! I'm the one who saved your life, remember?"
  750. "Can't I just let both of you in?"
  751. >"No!"
  752. >"No!"
  753. >from the crowd, a voice pipes up
  754. >"Can you let me in?"
  755. >murmurs of agreement rise up
  756. >but Caballeron and his rival silence the crowd with a synchronized glare
  757. "Well, first thing's first. I don't even know if I can get this thing open. Is there a, uh, handle or something?"
  758. >there is no handle
  759. >well, maybe it's a push door
  760. >you press your palms against the flat of the door and strain against it with your whole weight
  761. >that didn't do it
  762. >is there a puzzle or something?
  763. >you spend a few seconds prodding at the bas-relief to see if anything has some kind of mechanism or catch
  764. >"All that's been tried already! Do you think this many researchers would be unable to find a simple temple puzzle?"
  765. "Well, I dunno. Didn't you say this thing was locked with magic? I don't know anything about magic. Maybe you should get a freakin' unicorn."
  766. >"But that's you on the door!"
  767. "That is not me. That's some other guy."
  768. *"I dunno, kinda looks the same to me."
  769. "Yeah, well, if I were colorblind you'd look the same as Daring Do here."
  770. *"What? Our faces are completely different."
  771. "Shut up, Dash."
  772. >you fold your arms and glare at the bas-relief's face
  773. >man, fuck this door
  774. >you raise your fist over your head and pound on the stone surface three times
  775. "Hello? Is there anybody home?"
  776. >a deep rumbling sound roars out from the door
  777. >with a loud grinding noise, it swings inward
  778. "Oh."
  779. >Razzie doesn't wait for the door to finish opening before striding inside
  780. "Whoah, hey, hang on a second."
  781. >you rush in after her
  782. >"Ow. Anonymous, what have you done?"
  783. >you turn around to see Caballeron seeming to tap on the thin air in the doorway
  784. "I opened the damn door, come on in."
  785. >"I can't, there's still a barrier here."
  786. >Daring Do smirks
  787. >"Well, I guess this door's a great judge of character, huh?"
  788. >she tries to walk in past him
  789. >"Ow. Hey! Lemme in!"
  790. >and now she's tapping on the thin air too
  791. >Rainbow Dash tries to fly in over their heads, only to meet the same obstacle
  792. *"A-Anon? You're not going in there alone, are you? You know we still need to talk, right? Maybe with less yelling this time..."
  793. "Yeah, I know, I just–"
  794. >you turn around
  795. >Razzie is a good ways down the hallway
  796. "Razzie, hold up!"
  797. >the door begins to rumble again
  798. >you turn back around to see it swinging closed
  799. >the rival archaeologists are furiously pounding on the barrier while screaming at each other
  800. *"Anon!"
  801. "What?"
  802. *"Come visit me in Ponyville some time, you stupid jerk!"
  803. >before you can answer, the door finishes closing
  804. >you turn around and run to catch up with Razzie
  805.  
  806. >Razzie is shuffling forward as though sleepwalking
  807. "Hey! Hey, Razzie. Let's turn around and see if that door will let us back out. We gotta get outta here, you know."
  808. <"Why?"
  809. "What do you mean 'why?' We can't just waltz into some ancient jungle temple."
  810. <"Why not?"
  811. "Well, it's, you know, probably dangerous."
  812. >she's still walking
  813. <"It's nice to get away from them."
  814. "Huh?"
  815. <"We're alone here. It feels like it's been a long time since we were alone."
  816. "We don't know that, Razzie."
  817. >finally, she stops walking
  818. <"What do you mean?"
  819. "I knocked on the door and it opened. Somebody must have let us in. Or, probably. I think so, anyway."
  820. <"Oh. I'm sorry, Anon. I don't know why I... You're right, can we go back now?"
  821. "Yeah, yeah. We'll just head on back and-"
  822. >from behind you, another rumbling sound
  823. >it doesn't sound like it's coming from the end of the tunnel, where the door is
  824. >it sounds like it's coming from...
  825. >you turn around
  826. "Oh that's... freakin'... awesome. We love that. That's just... wonderful."
  827. <"I don't think that's wonderful, Anon."
  828. "It's not."
  829. >there's a wall right behind you
  830. >where there's supposed to be a straight passageway from here to the exit
  831. >there is instead
  832. >a wall
  833. >you turn away from it
  834. >Razzie is busy making herself very small
  835. >she's looking up at you with huge eyes
  836. >you grin
  837. "What are you, scared now?"
  838. <"Yes."
  839. >you blink
  840. "Oh. That's honest."
  841. <"There is no use in lying about it."
  842. "Well. I guess that's true."
  843. <"Are you scared too?"
  844. "Oh, no. Of course not."
  845. <"Are you lying?"
  846. "Yeah. But there's a use in it when I do it. It makes you think I'm dependable."
  847. <"Oh. I'll depend on you then."
  848. "Thanks. Let's keep going. There's only one way forward, so we're bound to find something eventually."
  849. <"Do you know that?"
  850. "No."
  851. <"Oh. Okay."
  852. >the passageway leads forward in an unswerving, unbroken, downward slope
  853. >at no point during your descent is there any opening in the walls to the left or to the right
  854. >at your sides are solid walls of weathered, yellow stone blocks
  855. >beneath your feet are cracked, reddish flagstones
  856. >and above you
  857. "Oh, this is stupid."
  858. <"What?"
  859. "Those are fluorescent lightbulbs in the ceiling."
  860. <"What?"
  861. "Those stupid, buzzing light tubes they have at hospitals and schools and office buildings."
  862. <"Anon... what?"
  863. "I didn't even notice the noise til just now. Oh, that is just... not something I've seen since coming to Equestria."
  864. <"You don't like the lights?"
  865. "No. Who ever heard of a lost jungle temple with lightbulbs? Let alone the worst lightbulbs on Earth."
  866. <"I guess they usually had torches and braziers in old stories."
  867. "Yeah, this is just... Razzie, do you mind?"
  868. <"Mind wh- Oh."
  869. >you scoop up Razzie in one arm
  870. <"No, I don't mind."
  871. >and you storm down the tunnel at an irritated speedwalk
  872. >the passage terminates in a door with one of those spring-loaded pushbars and one of those pneumatic tubes that make doors close slowly
  873. >this irritates you even more
  874. >without stopping or even slowing, you stick out your arm and barge through the door
  875. >"Aw, I knew he'd fling it open like that! Oh he mad!"
  876. ^"Hey, Anon. Been a while."
  877. >you stop dead in your tracks and feel a trembling fist form in your free hand
  878. >there are two figures lounging on cushions on the floor
  879. >one of them is a man wearing a loincloth, decked out in heavy gold ornaments, and covered in what looks like tribal tattoos
  880. >the other is a mare with a light brown coat, a dark brown mane, and a black bow in her hair
  881.  
  882. >you're not sure which of them annoys you more
  883. >but on seeing them together here, you feel about an inch away from exploding
  884. >you decide focus on the mare first
  885. >after all, you promised Razzie you'd find this mare
  886. "Amber. Amber Ember, wow. Look at you, it's you. Here. For some reason. Hey, I met your mother, if you would believe that."
  887. ^"You did?"
  888. "Yeah. She wanted me to give you some things. First, there's this locket."
  889. >you fish the heart-shaped locket of the mad scientist Phylum Strata from your pocket
  890. >and you hurl it at Amber Ember, almost without meaning to
  891. >she jerks her head back out of its way, and it bounces off of the cushion in front of her
  892. ^"Oh, this... Wow, Anon this is–"
  893. "Ah, one more thing."
  894. >you set Razzie down
  895. <"Anon..."
  896. "Amber, this is your sister. Her name is Raspberry Heaven. Your mother can't take care of her anymore, on account of, uh, she's dead."
  897. ^"What?!"
  898. >"Raspberry Heaven is dead?!"
  899. >you turn to the other guy
  900. "Oh. You knew their mother. Of course you did. Why wouldn’t you? Well she went by Phylum Strata when I knew her. This filly here is Raspberry Heaven now."
  901. ^"Wha– well, how did she die?"
  902. "Well, I was having a bit of a bad day, so I uh, chased her into a lava pit. Man, that was a really bad day."
  903. >Amber leaps to her hooves
  904. ^"You what?"
  905. "Well, you see, she wanted to rip poor Razzie's brain out of her skull, so good taste really demanded–"
  906. ^"She what?!"
  907. "Yeah, she wasn't very nice. Anyway, that's all I needed from you. I'll be going now."
  908. >you turn around and reach for the door
  909. <"Wait, Anon! You're not leaving me!"
  910. "No, no, I'm not leaving you. Or, not really. Well, I am leaving you, but it's okay; I'm leaving you with family! You'll be all right."
  911. <"But where will you go?!"
  912. "I dunno. Out into the jungle. Whatever happens happens."
  913. ^"Oh, for the love of– take away that door!"
  914. >there's a sound of snapping fingers, and the door is replaced with solid wall
  915. ^"Sit down, sit down, Anon."
  916. >"Yeah, you look a little dizzy, dude."
  917. >an armchair scoops you up, spins you around, and sets you down facing the others
  918. >a cupholder appears in one of the armrests, and a glass of ice water appears in the cupholder
  919. "No, no, I should really get going."
  920. ^"Anon."
  921. "What?"
  922. ^"Do you remember how there's a crowd of archaeologists outside who all want to meet you?"
  923. "Uh huh."
  924. ^"Do you remember how Princess Twilight's friend is out there, probably waiting to drag you back to Ponyville?"
  925. "She's my friend too."
  926. ^"Do you want to see her right now?"
  927. "No."
  928. >Amber pats you on the arm
  929. ^"Drink some water, big guy."
  930. "Wait. No, no, something's not right here."
  931. ^"What?"
  932. "Were you guys watching me?"
  933. >"Oh, yeah, check it out."
  934. >the other guy snaps his fingers, and a TV descends from the ceiling to display what's happening outside the door of the Temple
  935. >a lot of archaeologists are squabbling
  936. >Caballeron is among them
  937. >you see Dash's friend, but not Dash
  938. >you jump to your feet
  939. "Okay, first of all."
  940. >you point at the other guy
  941. "So you've just been here this whole time? Like, this whole time, you've just been here in Equestria?"
  942. >the other guy stands up to strike a bizarre, contorted pose with his hand spread wide in front of his face
  943. >"That's right! One thousand years ago, in a mad quest for power, I inscribed my body with arcane runes-"
  944. "I do not wanna hear your fucking backstory."
  945. >the other guy drops his hand
  946. >"Wha- why not?"
  947. "Wait, hang on. A thousand years ago? You said you knew Amber's mother."
  948. >"You tell me you don't wanna hear about my backstory and then you ask me about my backstory. But yes, if you must know."
  949. >he raises his hand again and appears to strain his back muscles, presumably for added effect
  950. >"Before I could take over Equestria, my friend and former ally, the super-scientist Raspberry Heaven, stole the Peg-Horn of Darkstar from me and sealed me away in this-"
  951. "Amber!"
  952. >Amber shrugs
  953. ^"What?"
  954. "What the fuck?"
  955. ^"Wha- well I... Listen. I knew you for, like, one week. What was I supposed to do, tell you all about my family life? It was a bit of a mess, all right?"
  956. "How fucking old are you?"
  957. ^"You know, that's kind of a rude question. And you don't have to sound like you're making an accusation when you ask it."
  958. "Amber."
  959. ^"I'm not that old. I'm only, like, sixty... ish. I know, I know. I look, uh, pretty young for my age. That's just, um, well, I'm probably just... gonna live forever..."
  960. "Razzie?"
  961. <"I didn't know. Mother looked old for as long as I can remember."
  962. ^"Mom got old?!"
  963. <"Um... yes?"
  964. ^"Oh. Not forever then. Okay."
  965. >Razzie stares at Amber
  966. >Amber stares at Razzie
  967. ^"So you're my... sister."
  968. <"Sort of. I think so."
  969. ^"Do you wanna, um, come sit next to me?"
  970. <"I... yes."
  971. >the sisters situate themselves next to each other on the cushions
  972. >they're not close enough to cuddle, but they are close enough for a soft conversation you can't hear
  973. >good for them
  974. >you fall back into the chair
  975. >the tension you felt inside of you slackens
  976. >the explosion you expected does not come
  977. >this is all so fucking absurd
  978. >the other guy walks up to you
  979. >"You doing all right, bro? You look a little pale."
  980. "So you and Amber. You just... happen to know each other?"
  981. >"Yeah. She visits me sometimes."
  982. "That's so fucking weird."
  983. >"What do you mean?"
  984. "I mean, I set out from Phylum Strata's evil lair looking for Amber Ember. Not only does she just happen to be in the first place I happen to blow into, but she also just happens to be friends with the only other human being in all of Equestria, who I didn't know existed until just now?"
  985. >"I... guess so."
  986. "But that's absurd."
  987. >"Is it any more absurd than just waking up in Equestria one day?"
  988. >you sigh
  989. "I guess not."
  990. >"You look tired, dude."
  991. "I didn't get any sleep last night."
  992.  
  993. ^"Anon."
  994. ^"Anon?"
  995. "Hm?"
  996. ^"Are you asleep?"
  997. "Huh? No, no, no, no. I'm not–"
  998. ^"You were totally sleeping."
  999. "No I wasn't."
  1000. ^"Oh yeah? What were we just talking about?"
  1001. "Man, I don't know. I wasn't paying attention."
  1002. >Amber laughs
  1003. >you open your eyes
  1004. >it really doesn't feel like you were asleep
  1005. >you just, uh, cleared your mind a bit
  1006. >did some deep breathing
  1007. >rested your eyes
  1008. "Well, all right. What were you just talking about?"
  1009. ^"Razzie's coming home with me."
  1010. >you start
  1011. >look to your right
  1012. >weathered stone walls
  1013. >look to your left
  1014. >the other guy, standing there with a bemused grin
  1015. "Oh. Jeepers, how long was I asleep for?"
  1016. ^"Ah! So you were asleep!"
  1017. "What– I mean, whatever."
  1018. >Amber grins for a moment
  1019. >then puts on a serious face
  1020. ^"Anon, what are you gonna do?"
  1021. "What do you mean?"
  1022. ^"I mean where are you going from here? You gonna go hang out with the archaeologists, go back to Ponyville, or what?"
  1023. >you groan
  1024. "Man, I don't know."
  1025. <"Um..."
  1026. >Razzie is standing behind Amber, sort of trying to half-hide behind her leg
  1027. >Amber sighs
  1028. ^"Anon, I've got a place in Trottingham. You can come crash with me for a little bit."
  1029. >you blink
  1030. "Can I?"
  1031. ^"Yeah. I'll warn you, Trottingham's not exactly the middle of nowhere. That princess of yours is probably hear about it when you show up there."
  1032. "Geez. Am I *that* wanted?"
  1033. ^"Yeah, look, I'm not gonna say *everypony* everypony knows about you, but everypony who follows the news knows the princess had a pet, uh, creature, who ran away from home. And stole some kind of evil magic thing from her. And is wanted by every archaeologist in Equestria."
  1034. "Oh."
  1035. >the thought of meeting Twilight
  1036. >the sight of Razzie staring at you with big eyes
  1037. >the thought of Twilight storming up to you on some vaguely British looking street
  1038. >stopping you in your tracks
  1039. >and...
  1040. >what?
  1041. >a fight?
  1042. >an arrest?
  1043. ^"Anon?"
  1044. "Uh... There's a train station in Trottingham, right?"
  1045. ^"Yeah. A seaport too."
  1046. "Okay. It should take at least a week or two to travel there, right? Should be enough time to think things over."
  1047. ^"Travel?"
  1048. "Huh? Yeah. It took about a week to trek through the jungle."
  1049. ^"Anon, I've trekked through this jungle, like, one time."
  1050. >the other guy snaps his fingers, an a portal to a small living room snaps into existence
  1051. >"These runes are magic."
  1052. ^"Yeah, he just magics up that portal when he wants to... Anon, are you all right?"
  1053. "Uh, probably."
  1054. >Amber smiles
  1055. ^"Anon, I'm sure you'll still have a day or two to think things over."
  1056. "Can I do that?"
  1057. ^"I invited you, didn't I?"
  1058. "Uh, sure. I'll do that then. Thanks."
  1059. >with a jerk, you stand up
  1060. >Amber waves to the other guy
  1061. ^"Bye! I guess I gotta take these two home now."
  1062. >"Yeah, that's fine. Get outta here. Guess I got someone else I can bother with portals now."
  1063. "Huh?"
  1064. >"Yeah, you. We gotta talk about human stuff at some point, you know?"
  1065. "Oh. Okay."
  1066. >"Yeah, yeah, now get on out. The evil lair is now closed for business."
  1067. ^"You gonna let those guys outside in?"
  1068. >"Maybe. Just gotta think of a spooky dungeon layout for them."
  1069. ^"All right. We'll leave you to that, then."
  1070. >they do some more talking, but Amber does begin to lead you and Razzie to the portal
  1071. >and at some point after that you crash onto the living room couch and pass out
  1072.  
  1073. >you wake up in an unfamiliar living room
  1074. >someone has thrown a comically small blanket over you
  1075. >you sit up
  1076. >where's Razzie?
  1077. >there she is, sitting on the floor
  1078. >in front of her is a checkers board
  1079. >and on the other side of the board is...
  1080. "Amber?"
  1081. >Amber looks up
  1082. ^"Oh, hey. Welcome to my house. Make yourself at home. Feel free to take a nap on my couch."
  1083. >you blink a few times
  1084. >she's grinning
  1085. ^"When's the last time you slept, big guy?"
  1086. "Uh, just now? Or, no. Not last night. I think."
  1087. <"Anon..."
  1088. >Razzie is looking at you reproachfully
  1089. "What?"
  1090. >she laughs
  1091. >it's a nice laugh this time
  1092. >it makes you laugh too
  1093. ^"Is your brain almost done firing back up?"
  1094. "Uh, hang on. Lemme just..."
  1095. >you stand up
  1096. >push your neck back
  1097. >and stretch as hard as you can
  1098. ^"I'm gonna take that as a 'close enough.' Now when's the last time you took a bath?"
  1099. "Uh..."
  1100. >definitely not since Picacholt
  1101. ^"I thought so. Here, I got this out for you."
  1102. >she grabs a towel with her grin and tosses it at you
  1103. ^"Bathroom's down that hall. Second door on the left."
  1104. "'Kay."
  1105. >walking feels awkward
  1106. >your stride seems like a sort of shuffling waddle
  1107. >and even though the ceiling gives you a good few inches of clearance, you can't seem to hold your spine up straight
  1108. >seemingly for no reason, you end up in a bathroom
  1109. >similarly apropos of nothing, your clothes end up on the floor
  1110. >when water comes pouring out of the tap, it seems as though it might have done that even if you hadn't turned the faucet
  1111. >you stare at the rising water for a few minutes, thinking nothing
  1112. >then your head jerks up to look at something jutting out of the wall at chest level
  1113. "That's a showerhead."
  1114. >you blink
  1115. "Oh, I'm stupid."
  1116. >as you reach down to pull the plug on the drain, you realize there was no way you were going to fit into a pony-sized tub
  1117. >then you pull the plug on the faucet, and the world makes sense again when water pours out of the showerhead
  1118. >you have to kneel to fit under the pony-sized shower, but other than that it pretty much works
  1119. >you taste salt for a moment when you stick your head under the stream
  1120. >and when you open your eyes, there are streams of brown water flowing between you and the drain
  1121. >brown?
  1122. >no
  1123. >grey
  1124. >that makes you chuckle for some reason
  1125. >after a while, it feels as though the layer of salt and dirt that had covered your body is no longer there
  1126. >you turn off the water
  1127. >towel off as best you can
  1128. >and put your clothes back on
  1129. >then you make your way back to the living room
  1130. ^"Hey, there you are."
  1131. >Amber frowns
  1132. ^"Why do you still..."
  1133. >Amber scowls
  1134. ^"Anon, did you have to put those dirty clothes back on?"
  1135. "Huh? Well, I... don't have anything to change into."
  1136. ^"Do you have to wear clothes?"
  1137. "Does it smell that bad?"
  1138. ^"Yes."
  1139. "Well... yeah, I do have to wear clothes."
  1140. ^"Really? You don't see me running around with pants on."
  1141. "Well, you know... It's not decent when I do it. Just trust me."
  1142. >Amber groans
  1143. ^"Do you know how to use a washboard?"
  1144. "Yeah."
  1145. ^"Laundry room's right across from the bathroom."
  1146. "'Kay."
  1147. >walking seems normal again
  1148. >the laundry room is just a small room with a deep sink and a washboard in it
  1149. >the floor is concrete with a drain in the middle
  1150. >this is pretty standard in Equestria
  1151. >washing machines aren't common in the land of chronic nudity
  1152. >the clothes come off again
  1153. >water spills from the tap again
  1154. >the water turns grey again
  1155. >soon, your wringing your clothes out over the sink
  1156. "Now how do I dry these things?"
  1157. >the door slams open
  1158. ^"Oh, gosh."
  1159. "What?"
  1160. ^"That's really not decent."
  1161. >you grunt
  1162. ^"You done washing?"
  1163. "Yeah."
  1164. ^"Hand them over. I'll get them on the clothesline."
  1165. "Thanks."
  1166. >Amber chuckles
  1167. "What?"
  1168. ^"That thing looks goofy."
  1169. "Oh, whatever."
  1170. ^"You want, like, a towel to wrap it up in so you can hang out with us?"
  1171. "No, I'd better not."
  1172. ^"You sure?"
  1173. "Razzie's a kid, that's weird."
  1174. >a shout from the living room
  1175. <"I've seen it before!"
  1176. >Amber raises an eyebrow
  1177. "I mean, that was a weird circumstance. That doesn't count."
  1178. >Amber's eyes open wide
  1179. ^"Oh, that's right. We need to talk. I will get you a towel."
  1180. "Huh?"
  1181. ^"Be right back."
  1182. "What?"
  1183. >she disappears down the hall
  1184. >and a few minutes later, the door slams open again
  1185. >and a balled-up towel hits you straight in the dick
  1186. >by this point, it seems like it's probably too late to save your decency from Amber Ember
  1187. >but you cover up anyway as she steps inside
  1188. >closes the door behind her with a rear hoof
  1189. >and smiles
  1190. >it's a very wide smile
  1191. >but it doesn't seem to reach her eyes
  1192. ^"Okay. Anon?"
  1193. "Yes?"
  1194. ^"So, it's been a while since we last met, right?"
  1195. "Yeah."
  1196. ^"Until one day, you sort of drop in out of the blue while I'm visiting an old family friend."
  1197. "I guess you could put it that way."
  1198. ^"And, you know, while we were there, you sort of, ah, said a few strange things."
  1199. "D-Did I?"
  1200. ^"Mhm. And I feel like I've given you a lot of benefit of the doubt."
  1201. "Uh..."
  1202. >Amber's face twists into a hard scowl
  1203. ^"You chased my mom into a lava pit!"
  1204. "Well, I– you know, I think I already mentioned something about the, um, extenuating circumstances that, uh, compelled me to, well, t-take some drastic action, and, I mean, I– I didn't mean for things to go down that way, you know, I was just sort of acting, not so much thinking, I was a little out of it after she, uh, locked me in this weird sitting room for a month, and then there was the situation with your sister, which kind of–"
  1205. ^"Anon!"
  1206. >you flinch
  1207. >Amber is trembling, but the fake smile is back on her face
  1208. >she sits down on the floor, and motions you to do the same
  1209. >you lean against the wall and slide down to the floor, making damn sure to hold that towel in place on the way down
  1210. >when you hit the floor, you exhale, and it seems to carry all the energy out of you along with the breath
  1211. >your shoulders slump, and somehow the muscles in your face feel tired
  1212. >Amber is looking at the floor
  1213. ^"Okay. What happened? Where did you even find her?"
  1214. "Uh, you know where Picacholt is?"
  1215. ^"Yeah. That's not too far from Marenberg, right?"
  1216. "Right. So I had to cross that mountain range between Picacholt and Marenberg. And while I was doing that, well, that's when I met her."
  1217. >she nods
  1218. ^"Okay. I believe that."
  1219. >then her eyebrow shoots up
  1220. ^"Wait. That's in the middle of the desert. What were you doing walking around out there?"
  1221. "Well, some evil cowboy ponies were trying to run me out of Picacholt."
  1222. ^"What? What were you doing getting into fights in Picacholt?"
  1223. "Well– wait, no. No. Did you wanna hear about your mom, or did you want me to tell you absolutely everything that's happened since Canterlot?"
  1224. ^"Um..."
  1225. >what the hell?
  1226. >she looks like she's seriously considering that
  1227. ^"I dunno..."
  1228. "What? How can you not know?"
  1229. ^"I just... I don't know if I'm ready. I mean, I do want to know, but... I don't know if I want to get to that part right away."
  1230. "Look, what do you want to hear?"
  1231.  
  1232. ^"Did you run straight from Ponyville to Picacholt?"
  1233. >you sigh
  1234. "Yeah."
  1235. ^"Why?"
  1236. >you groan
  1237. >and then
  1238. >you spill out everything
  1239. >it all comes out under Amber's prodding questions
  1240. >even as you try to advance the story toward Phylum Strata, Amber Ember keeps on pulling you further and further back in time
  1241. >so you tell her everything
  1242. >from the moment you arrived in Equestria
  1243. >to the strange welcome party
  1244. >to your year of total isolation
  1245. >to the day you really met Twilight Sparkle
  1246. >and why you really met her
  1247. >Twilight's insane plan to force you to learn friendship
  1248. >Amber laughs at the stupid little outings you had to go on with Twilight's friends
  1249. >nods when Twilight's map shanghais you to the Crystal Empire
  1250. >frowns at the ridiculous misunderstanding that landed you in the mental hospital
  1251. >then helps you narrate your stay in the hospital, her eyes lighting up at her own appearances in the story
  1252. >then you broke into the Crystal Empire again to watch Twilight save the world from Sombra
  1253. >you might have played a role in "reforming" him, but that was probably ruined by Spike
  1254. >and after that, a year of rest and domestic bliss
  1255. >or at least, a year of not much happening
  1256. >until one day Twilight had to ruin it by getting way too close to you
  1257. >so you ran
  1258. >as far as you could
  1259. >as fast as you could
  1260. >and wound up in Picacholt
  1261. >got involved in Apple Fritter's stupid western drama
  1262. "And that's why I got ran out of Picacholt."
  1263. >and got captured by the mad scientist Phylum Strata
  1264. ^"My mom."
  1265. "Yeah."
  1266. ^"What... What did she even want with you?"
  1267. >she wanted you to swap ponies' brains around and ruin lives
  1268. >maybe, on some level, she wanted to learn how to open up to Razzie
  1269. >but ultimately, she wanted you to scoop out Razzie's brain so she could live forever
  1270. >Amber swallows something, hard
  1271. >well, so an escape attempt was made
  1272. >then the month in the weird sitting room
  1273. >and then, into the lava pit with the evil genius
  1274. "And that's how that went."
  1275. >Amber stares at you
  1276. ^"And what happened then?"
  1277. >what happened then?
  1278. >then you let yourself get bogged down in Picacholt again over a childish insult
  1279. >then you tried to kill someone
  1280. >and, of all the fucking people
  1281. >it was Sombra
  1282. >the evil wizard
  1283. >it was Sombra who stopped you from crossing that line
  1284. >and then you were on a train to the jungle
  1285. >and then you met Amber again
  1286. "And you already know the rest."
  1287.  
  1288. ^"Mm."
  1289. >Amber looks down
  1290. >then up
  1291. >then down again
  1292. ^"Hm."
  1293. >then she stands up
  1294. ^"Well. I'll..."
  1295. >then she sits down again
  1296. ^"I don't know."
  1297. >she sighs
  1298. "Tell me about her."
  1299. ^"Huh?"
  1300. "Your mom. What was she like?"
  1301. ^"Well..."
  1302. >she taps her hoof on the floor
  1303. ^"Well, one day, out west, a mare came down from the mountains and walked into Picacholt."
  1304. ^"She started working as a doctor, met a candy-maker, and then they had me."
  1305. ^"She was, uh, not there a lot of the time. And when she was, she was a bit, um, awkward."
  1306. ^"Uh, I remember she wanted me to be a doctor. She was disappointed when I got my dad's talent instead of hers."
  1307. ^"Anyway, it was a long time ago. But, you know, I grew up, and eventually my dad passed away. And after that, my mom called me into her office, gave me a shot, and told me to go away."
  1308. ^"Next day she wasn't in town. One of the prospectors, uh, I think he was in your story, that burro, uh, Dismule. Anyway, he said he saw my mom headed out toward the mountains."
  1309. ^"I didn't see her again. I always figured I'd head out to those mountains to find her one day. But then I wondered off to Manehattan, Baltimare, Canterlot, Trottingham, just all over the place, you know?"
  1310. ^"And then you showed up and told me she jumped into a volcano. Guess I won't see her again after all."
  1311. >Amber looks down
  1312. >then up
  1313. >then straight at you, with a weird grin
  1314. ^"Anon."
  1315. "What?"
  1316. ^"What was it like when you tried to kill yourself?"
  1317. "What?!"
  1318. ^"What was going on in your head?"
  1319. "I... I don't really remember. It's hard to get back into that mindset, Amber. And I don't really want to."
  1320. ^"You wanna know what it was like for me?"
  1321. "Not really."
  1322. ^"I thought it would be funny."
  1323. "Yeah."
  1324. ^"It was like I was doing something mischievous."
  1325. "Like unscrewing the salt shakers at a restaurant."
  1326. ^"Exactly! Like, nobody would really care all that much."
  1327. "But it would be annoying to whoever had to clean it up, and that made it all worth it."
  1328. ^"Just like that. Oh, just like that. And it was just perfect because I was in this big, swanky Canterlot hotel. I jumped into the bath tub with a razor and thought about the maid who would have to mop it up."
  1329. "Yeah. Yeah. Someone, I think I imagined Pinkie Pie, would have to come and take down my stupid tent. And it'd all just be a big, dumb prank."
  1330. ^"And I was sitting there, watching the water turn pink, kinda giggling about it. And then, all of the sudden, it stopped being funny. It wasn't like I had some kind of epiphany. I didn't get up and decide my life was worth living. I just stopped caring. I just stopped caring about anything. The prank didn't seem wrong, it just seemed pointless. So then I said to myself, 'Oh, now the mood is ruined,' and I got out of the tub and called the front desk. Next thing I knew I was in the hospital."
  1331. "Huh."
  1332. ^"Did something like that happen for you?"
  1333. "Uh, well, I didn't stop myself. Twilight did. I dunno, there was a lot of really sharp pain in my chest, and then I woke up as Twilight's friendship slave and after that I guess I was too irritated by everything to think much about, uh, pranks."
  1334. ^"You just need to be irritated, huh?"
  1335. "Or just unhappy. Maybe people just need to be unhappy."
  1336.  
  1337. ----------------------------------------------------------------
  1338.  
  1339. >you can feel yourself lying in the bed
  1340. >but you don't wake up
  1341. >the dream goes on
  1342. >it's running faster now
  1343. >faster
  1344. >still faster
  1345. >you find a job at a jeweler's shop and start to lodge there
  1346. >you make friends with your boss
  1347. >she's a real sweet and innocent mare
  1348. >her sister becomes your friend too
  1349. >in fact, a whole little group of friends pops up around you and Amber, for seemingly no reason at all
  1350. >the faces and names are rushing past you in a blur, you can't remember them clearly right now
  1351. >Razzie enrolls in school
  1352. >she's a real bright kid, just unbelievably smart
  1353. >she's angry too, just unfriendly all the time
  1354. >but a couple of the other foals reach out to her
  1355. >she cracks
  1356. >opens up
  1357. >makes friends
  1358. >you're so proud of her
  1359. >little episodes of daily life are played on fast forward
  1360. >helping one friend find a lost watch
  1361. >getting caught up in a stupid web of lies over a surprise party for another
  1362. >was Trottingham really like this?
  1363. >you want to slow down, but you can't manage to anchor yourself to any of these memories
  1364. >you reach at the faces to stop the terrifying plummet, but they part before your clawed fingers like ghosts
  1365. >until at last
  1366. >you hit something solid
  1367. >you forget about the dream as you sink back into it
  1368.  
  1369. ----------------------------------------------------------------
  1370.  
  1371. >you were walking down a sunny Trottingham street when you met her
  1372. >you were in a real good mood until you met her
  1373. >she told you to follow her
  1374. >she led you to a hotel room
  1375. >it's just you and her now
  1376. >at long last
  1377. /"Anon."
  1378. "Yeah."
  1379. /"We need to talk."
  1380. >you smile
  1381. "You said that already."
  1382. /"I know."
  1383. >she inhales once
  1384. >and exhales once
  1385. /"I guess the first thing I'll say is that I found the laboratory you were at."
  1386. "You did, huh?"
  1387. /"I found the records of the... procedures that went on there."
  1388. "Oh. I guess you're here to blast me with a friendship beam then."
  1389. /"No, Anon. I want you to know that I tracked down every pony who underwent the brain-swapping procedure and reversed it. I wanted to make sure it was done before I met you. So it wouldn't bother you while we talked."
  1390. "Ahuh. It still kinda bothers me."
  1391. /"It wouldn't have happened if you'd stayed at home."
  1392. "I know."
  1393. /"You thought you could just wander off into the big, wide world. You did it, and you got hurt."
  1394. "I know."
  1395. /"And you though that... that–"
  1396. "Did you get Sombra?"
  1397. /"No."
  1398. "No?"
  1399. "It seems, during your, ah, fight, you cracked Sombra's prison. He'd already escaped by the time I got back to Picacholt. I don't know where he is, or what he'll do next."
  1400. "Oh. So you're coming to arrest me, at least."
  1401. /"No."
  1402. "No?"
  1403. /"I don't want to."
  1404. "Oh."
  1405. >she stands up and paces around for a few seconds
  1406. /"Oh, I don't know what else to say. Except... Except for..."
  1407. >she turns to face you
  1408. >draws herself up to her full height
  1409. >and stares you straight in the eye
  1410. /"Anon, I love you."
  1411. >you scoff
  1412. "No you don't."
  1413. /"No, not like that I don't, and I'm sorry for... Anon, I love you. I do. It's not like the way I love my family, and it's not like the way I love my other friends. It's like... the way we used to just casually bicker at each other, I've never had that with anyone else. But, it's more than that. It's..."
  1414. >her lip trembles
  1415. /"Anon, I love you in the sense that... if something happened to you, and I knew I'd never get to see you again, I would be devestated."
  1416. >something wet finds its way out of her eye and onto her cheek
  1417. /"That is the way in which I love you."
  1418.  
  1419. ----------------------------------------------------------------
  1420.  
  1421. >wake up
  1422. >the Princess of Friendship is standing over you, her mouth a smile but her eyes all a-panic
  1423. "I love you too."
  1424. >she blinks
  1425. /"Huh?"
  1426. "You said you loved me."
  1427. >she glares at you
  1428. /"Anon, that was ten years ago! You said you'd come visit me sometime, and then a week later you disappeared from Trottingham and I haven't heard from you since!"
  1429. "I'm visiting you now."
  1430. /"I don't live here anymore. I live in Canterlot."
  1431. "What?"
  1432. /"You scared Starlight half out of her wits, stumbling in here all sick like that. You're lucky Doctor Heaven was visiting. I'd send you to the Moon if it wasn't just a bad flu!"
  1433. "Doctor... that's not Raspberry Heaven, is it? I thought I saw her, but..."
  1434. /"Uh, yeah. I think so."
  1435. "She's a doctor now? And she just happens to be friends with Starlight?"
  1436. /"Yeah. They've been friends for years now, I think."
  1437. "She's Doc now, then. That's awesome."
  1438. /"Anon, are you still feeling sick?"
  1439. "No, no. Sorry, that wasn't what we were talking about."
  1440. >you sit up
  1441. /"Anon, where have you been this whole time?"
  1442. >uh
  1443. >well, one day you were cuddled up on the couch with the jeweler mare
  1444. >it was such a sweet moment
  1445. >such a warm moment
  1446. >you got out of town that very night
  1447. >just hopped on the first ship out of town and spent the next few months working as a sailor
  1448. >worst job of your life, but you made a few friends
  1449. >so when the ship pulled in at Manehattan, you went ashore and didn't come back
  1450. >uh... and then there was Baltimare
  1451. >then there was Whinnyapolis
  1452. >went back to Marenberg at one point?
  1453. "Uh, you know. Here and there."
  1454. /"Well if it was nowhere important you should have dropped by! I missed you. We all missed you! Why didn't you come to Ponyville? Or even send a letter?"
  1455. "Because I missed you."
  1456. /"What?"
  1457. "I don't know. Twilight, I'm sorry. I've been running around Equestria for ten years and I've got nothing to show for it. I didn't learn anything or find a bunch of treasure or even make any friends. Not really, anyway. After a couple years on the road, I stopped wanting to talk to anyone. So I didn't. And in the end, it wasn't too different from hiding in my apartment all the time back on Earth, or living all alone in that tent outside of Ponyville. I ended up right back where I started, I failed your little friendship training. And now I'm in my thirties, and my back hurts too much to keep on running all the time, and I don't know what else to do. So when I got sick the other day I just hopped on a train to Ponyville. I couldn't think straight and all I wanted to do was see you."
  1458. /"Oh, shut up."
  1459. "Huh?"
  1460. >she's smiling
  1461. it's such a nice smile
  1462. /"You're seeing me now, aren't you?"
  1463. "Yeah."
  1464. /"Get yourself cleaned off and get dressed. I'll make some pancakes."
  1465. "Pancakes?"
  1466. /"Yeah. All your friends have been here all night. They need breakfast."
  1467. "Twilight, I just told you I didn’t make any friends."
  1468. >she shrugs
  1469. /"Tell that to Doctor Heaven. And her sister. And Rainbow Dash. And– well, you’ll see. Just hurry up, okay? We’ll all be waiting for you."

Horse Confessions

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Anon Tried to Kill Himself

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The Skintrotter

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